Back on track
by xxvildexx
Summary: Set about one month after IM3. Tony finds himself tied up to an operationtable when he wakes up after getting hit by a car. Something is terribly wrong. One day later Pepper finds him outside of the Stark Tower, laying on the ground struggling to hold on to life. He gets inside, but was that really a car battery hooked up to him? Warning you about language and spoilers from IM3!
1. Chapter 1

_A rough push sent him out in the middle of the road._ _He stood there for a brief second before he flew two meters forward and landed hard on the ground. He could hear people screaming somewhere far away, and then he passed out._

Tony caught his breath when he woke up, only to find his legs tied tightly together and his arms bound up to each side of the table he was lying on. His shirt and jacket was gone, leaving him with only his jeans and shoes. Sweat dripped down the side of his face and his whole body was shaking. He tried to take in the surroundings, but his head was aching and his vision was all blurry. He could see that both walls and roof were white and that there was a large, sharp light faced towards him. There wasn't anybody but him in there, and he felt awfully helpless. The pain ached through the whole of his body as he remembered what had actually happened. Why was he here? Was this an operation room? Why was he tied up then? Wouldn't anybody come in soon? The whole setting seemed suspicious. He tried to turn around his head to find the door, but his neck was hurting so bad.

"I can't believe it, I honestly can't believe my own two eyes, Tony Stark in _my_ OR? It's just way too good to be true."

Tony wasn't sure where the voice came from or who it was directed to, but he took a shot.

"Me neither." The words barely made it up his throat. Hs mouth was dry and his throat was soar.

Suddenly the legs of a chair screeched against the floor and a man sat down on it next to Tony. He was dressed in normal clothes and it didn't look like he belonged to a hospital staff. It looked like he was in his early thirties, short cut hair, tall, good looks… a bit like Tony himself. His expression was calm and relaxed as he started explaining.

"My name is Harlan, and I'm a physicist, doctor and big fan of yours."  
_  
Great, another physicist._

"I don't know if you remember, but you got hit by a car. Lucky for you, it was me who hit you, so I could transport you right into my OR. I'm going to do a little surgery on you, as I'm not completely…" He hesitated. "Satisfied with how you look now."

Tony started to get a bit unsecure about what was happening, this didn't sound too good. He was the one who ran him down? And what was wrong with his looks? Hopefully he meant the fact that his whole body was broken and full of bruises. Tony swallowed hard with the little spit that was left in his mouth and took a deep breath as his body started shaking even more. Harlan suddenly took a hard grip around Tony's upper arm and looked deeply into his eyes.

"I am, I mean was, your biggest fan… Iron Man's biggest fan. You were the one thing that kept me thinking that there are good people out there. When you chose to remove the shrapnel and take that arc reactor out of your chest, my world kind of fell a bit apart. Therefore…"

He dragged a table with wheels on towards them, on it was a car battery and a circular metal thing that was way too familiar. _An electromagnet. _Tony's eyes widened a thousand times and his heart sank to the ground of hell. His whole body went numb as he understood that this man had no good intentions. He didn't even get to think before Harlan dragged a sharp knife out of his pocket.

* * *

Pepper sat motionless in the soft sofa at the Stark Tower. The TV was on, but Pepper didn't hear or see anything of what was going on at it. She looked at her watch, _8 pm, _it had almost been a day since she came home and realized Tony had left. The sound of the elevator opening made Pepper jerk around, but she was disappointed to see that it wasn't Tony.

"Hey! Thought I'd just stop by to see how you guys were doing, I haven't heard from you in a while." Happy smiled a bit concerned at Pepper, probably because she looked so sad.

"Well… Tony left the apartment last night, and he hasn't come back yet. He didn't tell me where he was going, or that he was going out at all. When I came home from the meeting he was just… gone, and I've got no idea where he is or when he's coming back. I have called about a thousand times, but he doesn't answer. Should I be worried Happy?" Pepper gave him a hopeful glance.

"Oh, you know how Tony is. He goes out, disappears for a few days and then he comes back like nothing ever happened."

"But that was when he was Iron Man, when he had missions and work to do for Fury."

"Then he's probably at some conference, or a party, getting drunk-"

"Then I would be with him, Happy." Pepper stared at him. "Should I worry?" She said slowly, afraid that she would get the answer she didn't want.

"Listen, give him some space, some time to just find himself. This is the first time he's actually allowed to calm down a bit since Afghanistan. Maybe he just had to work out a few things. I'm sure he's going to walk out of that elevator any minute." Happy looked at Pepper, waiting for her to give that accepting nod. When she did, he continued. "In the meantime, is there anything I can do for you?"

* * *

" I'm going to kill you!" Tony snapped at Harlan.

He desperately tried to break free from the ropes that held him strapped to the table. Even more sweat ran down the side of his head, and anxiety threatened with invading his body.

"Let's analyze a bit… I have lots of sharp tools, while you're tied up to a table. It doesn't really seem reasonable that _you're_ going to kill _me_."

"_Reasonable_ has never been a part of my vocabulary."

A silence filled the room for a brief second before the tip of the knife was placed at Tony's chest. He breathed slowly, staring challenging into Harlans eyes, and he got the exact same glance back. He wasn't going to let this happen, not one more time, when he actually could fight it. He was millimeters away from going back to the fate he once had been forced to deal with. He loved being Iron Man… Tony was Iron Man and Iron Man was Tony, but he didn't want to be Iron Man like this. Sleepless nights, always being afraid that the arc reactor would kill him, hurt everyone around him_. Pepper._ What was he going to tell her, or more important… _how? _What if…?

"I'll give you anything, _everything, _you'll ever need. Just don't do this. If you really were a big fan of mine, you'd want me to be happy, right? I'm not going to be happy with that… thing in-"

" It's not a thing, it's an arc reactor." Harlan looked seriously down at Tony.

"That contraption is killing me, Harlan, I can't live with it." He was frustrated now, desperate, angry even.

"If you can't live with it mentally, that's not my problem. I know that you can live with it physically. You're just a man inside of a little shell, and as long as that shell can keep doing what it once did, that's more than enough for me. I said that Iron Man-"

"Anything, I'll give you anything for whatever quantity." Tony's eyes had softened, they were filled with hope and sadness. His last trick.

A strange feeling suddenly rushed through Tony's body. It was as if he was dragged into a whole different dimension, it felt like he was melting away. He was cold, numb and dizzy. Tony was miles away from the present, not understanding anything. The roof was spinning and everything blurred out. Shivers went down his back when he was finally dragged back to reality, and he let out an enormous scream. The scar from where the arc reactor had once been was now split up uninhibitedly. Tony tried to breathe normally, but he was only human, and he panicked. He wanted to say something, to stop it, but the pain was overwhelming. A huge amount of blood ran everywhere, and Tony screamed once more. It was so surreal, how could people do this?

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot!" Harlan said in a high pitched, sarcastic voice.

In an instant there were a mask surrounding Tonys mouth and nose, forcing him to breathe slowly. Bit by bit his whole body started relaxing and he felt sleepy. His eyes closed gradually, and then he passed out.

* * *

Tony sat up groggily on the table, hands tied on his back and his shirt was on again, buttoned firmly. He bent slightly forward and moaned as pain ripped through his chest and bounced in his temples. He swallowed hard as he jumped unsteadily down on the floor and fell, dragging the car battery with him.

"You're nothing without that suit, you're just a useless little man." Harlan's voice started Tony, and he got back up on his feet.

"You've got no idea what I'm capable of doing with my own strength." Tony stood with his back facing Harlan, but he set up the most spiteful face he could, gritting his teeth.

Without even getting the chance to resist, Tony found his eyes covered with some piece of cloth. His heart rate increased immediately, what wasn't he supposed to see? He felt a slight push forward and almost stumbled down to the ground again, but he regained balance and started walking in front of Harlan who held the battery.

"We'll see about that"

The harsh whisper made Tony shudder as he continued walking. He could hear several locks being opened and suddenly they were outside where a crisp winter air hit Tony and made him wince. He was thrown into a car, and just seconds later the wheels screeched and they drove away. Tony leaned his head against the window, breathing heavily. Why, why, why? He was having the time of his life, he had finally been able to relax for the first time since Afghanistan, and now he had gone and had to go through the same hell once more? He really wanted to just sink into his own little bubble and remain silent and in his own thoughts for the rest of his life. Problem was… he was Tony Stark, and Tony Stark didn't do things like that. What was he going to do then? He had no idea what to do when, _or if_, he was released. Tony started to feel dizzy again, his heart was still racing, he was still breathing heavily and he just couldn't seem to relax. Everything was hurting, and he wanted to just slip away into sleep, but he didn't dare to. He could now hear many cars passing them in great speed and understood that they had just reached the highway. He tried to knock on the window, but of course no one would hear him, the little knock he managed to make barely made it into his own ears. He was getting weaker and weaker and he seriously started to get afraid he would die, that was how much it hurt. He managed to just grit his teeth and try to breathe steady and quietly, but it was hard.

"Unless you're going to make that arc reactor within the next couple of hours, I would consider recharging that battery. I didn't really take a fully loaded one."

Harlan's voice broke the silence, the weird thing was that it sounded like he honestly wanted to help. But Tony wasn't naïve, he had always been a bit more aware after everything that happened with Obadiah. Harlan had definitely chosen to not fully charge the car battery before he did the surgery, so that Tony would be in much more pain than he had expected. He didn't even think the car battery was necessary, that it was just to scare him, what was it needed for?

* * *

_Tony, Tony, Tony, where are you?_ Pepper walked back and forth in their apartment, keeping an eye on the elevator. Her shorts were all wet after her drying her palms on them all the time, and her, or actually Tony's, T-shirt were also starting to get wet as she continued biting it all the time. The clock had passed ten pm, which meant that it had gone over two days since Tony left. She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and couldn't call anyone. She waited for her phone to call all the time, for _him _to call. She jolted when her cell phone finally made that ringtone which meant Tony called. Pepper lunged for the sofa and grabbed the phone.

"Tony! Are you okay?" Her heart was running wild and she could hear the beats herself."I would absolutely consider getting my ass to the entrance of the Stark Tower, I think there are someone who wants to see you there."

A frown passed Pepper's face as she heard the unfamiliar male voice, but she did as she was told and ran to the elevator as fast as she could. It was as if the elevator used ten times as long as normal getting down to the entrance. Thousands of questions managed to go through Peppers mind on her way down, and she started to get frightened about what she was going to meet downstairs. When she was finally down on the main floor she sprinted on her bare feet towards the door, only to catch a glimpse of a blue sports car with dark-tinted windows driving away from the place. Then she saw the dreadful nightmare she had been afraid of. Tony was on the ground, clenching to his jacket while he desperately tried to crawl towards the door. His eyes were covered with a bandana and his hands were tied on his back with a coarse rope. Pepper yelled his name as she hurried over to him. Masses of people started to pile up around them when Pepper sat down next to Tony, shivering from the crisp air. She started with loosening the ropes and taking his jacket, carefully wrapping it around him. Then she untied the bandana, staggering a bit backwards when she saw Tony's bloodshot eyes, filled with pain and despair.

"Anyone who hears this, I need help down at the entrance." Pepper half said half cried into her earpiece.

She tried quiet and gentle to get Tony up on his feet, but at the same time as she heard a screeching noise Tony screamed so that the masses of people backed away and gasped. Why didn't anyone help? Didn't they see he needed help? Tears started streaming down Peppers face as she realized she wouldn't be able to move him, and no one would help her. Suddenly Happy, Steve and Natasha were at the place. Steve gave Pepper a terrified look as he froze by the door, but he shook it off and in a blink he was at Tony's side, gently lifting him up. Pepper backed off and covered her face as Tony moaned, closing his eyes tightly and gritting his teeth.

"What's wrong?" Steve looked overly confused and concerned.

"Look!" Natasha said and pointed at the car battery.

Everyone around them turned their heads against it. Natasha picked it up, causing Tony to sigh as part of the tension left his body. Both Natasha and Steve rushed for the elevator and disappeared into it together with Tony.

* * *

Pepper was left speechless in the chilly winter air together with a more or less shocked Happy. Reporters and paparazzi started to work their way through the hordes of shaken people and approached upon Pepper. Some of the reporters stopped to talk with the witnesses and others where just staring at their surroundings, trying to get a grip of what they were actually doing there. Happy finally shook off whatever was going through his mind and escorted Pepper inside before any of the microphones reached her. A whole lot of guards stormed outside and pushed the reporters away. _Where were they a couple of minutes ago?_ Happy thought to himself. Pepper was freezing cold so he lent her his jacket. He stopped once inside and placed himself in front of her, taking a firm grip around her shoulders and trying to get eye contact.

"Hey…" Happy waited for her to react. "Are you okay?"

Pepper shook her head slowly, a bit uncertain of what she was answering to. So much had happened over the last, what… thirty minutes? Deep inside her she had hoped that Tony would return maybe a little bit drunk, but at least healthy and unharmed. Her worst nightmare had come to life, Tony coming home barely alive. And what was that car battery? Was it just her own mind playing her a trick, or was it actually linked to Tony? No, it wasn't possible… Happy pushed her into the elevator and Pepper thought that it went just as slowly this time.

"Have- ehh, have you called for an ambulance?" Pepper scratched her forehead and looked down at her toes.

"I'm on the case" Happy said, smiling reassuring at her.

* * *

**Okay, sooo... don't be to harsh! This is my first fanfic ever, and I really really really hope you guys who read it liked it. All of this is based on the Marvel movies and some research i've done on the internet. There will be another chapter, and then maybe another one and another one after that. I don't know. Anyways, review, tell me what you liked and what you didn't like. Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay guys, here's the second chapter. Thank you so much for reviews and views, I want you guys to know that I appreciate each view and review I get, they keep me going! Hope this chapter live up to your expectations and that you want to read the next one to!**

* * *

"Dear God, what is this? What are we going to do?" Steve ran across the whole apartment with Tony in his arms, trying to figure out what was happening.

"Would you at least stand still for a moment? I'm sure it has something to do with this thing." Natasha help up the car battery in front of Steve and he sighed.

"Well... Tony's the genius here, I don't get a crap of what that's supposed to be."

Steve sighed once more, starting to get afraid that he wouldn't come up with something and that Tony would die in his arms. Then Tony pointed at something in the corner of the apartment, a stair. Steve and Nathalie exchanged looks and then they raced towards it and made their way downstairs.

"Of course, that thought didn't even pass my mind." Steve mumbled.

They were standing in Tony's workshop, and the place was filled with screens, tools and gadgets Steve and Natasha had never seen before. There had to be something in there. Natasha put down the car battery, causing Tony to whimper softly. Steve reacted fast and put Tony down on the floor too, leaning him against a desk. He gave him one last, worried look and then he started looking for something they could use together with Natasha. There had to be something, just a little gadget that would stop the pain or fix whatever was wrong. Tony was the smartest guy Steve knew, if he didn't have a thing they could use, no one had. The only thing was... none of them knew what the problem was, so all this looking around wasn't really of any use. Steve stopped and looked at Natasha as he shrugged and frowned. She let her hand rush through her red, wavy hair before her glance went to Tony. He wasn't there anymore! Natasha's eyes widened as she scanned the room, and she gave a sigh of relief when she saw him crawling on the floor. She walked with quick steps towards him and squatted down next to him as he continued to crawl. _Where are you going?_ She thought. She saw Tony's eyes, they were focused on something in the other end of the room. There was a lot of scrap back there, but Natasha thought she knew what he wanted.

"Steve! Get that battery charger back there!" she yelled as he turned around and searched for it from where he stood. "That's what you need, am I right?" she asked.

Tony made a small nod and then closed his eyes. Everything was going to be all right, this was going to be fixed, and he would survive. Steve also squatted down next to Tony and started fumbling with the cables. He was extremely stressed and his hands shook really badly, but after a few seconds the extra cables were hooked up to Tony's car battery and Steve put the plug in an outlet. A little hum came out of the charger and Tony took a deep breath, finally it didn't hurt anymore. Both Steve and Natasha could see that Tony's pale skin started getting more colour, that he wasn't shivering anymore and that he finally relaxed. Steve sat down on the floor and allowed himself to relax too, but Natasha stood up as she saw a bunch of men and women dressed in white running down the stairs with Happy and Pepper right behind them.

"He's okay!" Natasha yelled and held up a deprecating hand.

"I'm okay" Tony mumbled, mostly to reassure himself.

The ambulance people didn't mind about any of them and headed straight towards their "patient".

"DON'T touch me" Tony said slowly, sitting up and supporting himself at Steve.

"Please Tony, just let them-" Pepper rushed over to him and spoke to him with a soft and begging voice.

She tried to not care about what she now was certain were a car battery and the fact that it was hooked up to Tony somehow. And it didn't really make it better that there was now an extra set of cables attached to it.

"I need time to think, to figure this out, I understand just as much of this as you guys do, and these doctors of yours won't do it any better."

"But Tony, what if-"

"What if what? If I die? It's okay now, I'm better already." He set up a fake smile and clenched to Steve's shoulder as a flow of exhaustion hit him.

"Are you sure, Tony?" Steve gave him a concerned look, but it vanished quickly when he saw the warning look Tony gave him.

"Just... get them out of here." Tony closed his eyes again and released the firm grip from Steve's shoulder.

* * *

When everyone had finally left without to much of an explanation, even Pepper, Tony started the researching, why was the car battery crucial for whether he was living or not? There was no shrapnel, so what was it then?

His workshop had come to live, Jarvis was online, there was some AC/DC music in the background and all the screens where flashing with the latest news, weather, pictures of the hot rod and the progress of the Stark Tower's restoration. It was great being back in the shop, Tony hadn't had much to do down there for the latest weeks when he wasn't planning on making a new suit, so being back was definitely great.

"Hey Jarvis, I need for you to scan this thing." He tapped at the electromagnet. "And with scanning, I mean all the way down, I need to know what's going on in there"

"_Very well, Sir" _Jarvis replied.

A blue light passed Tony's body and pictures of his heart came up on the screens.

"What the hell is that?" Tony said quietly, sitting down in his chair and watching one specific screen.

"_There seems to be_ _rings made of an unknown, metallic material surrounding anterior and posterior vena cava, the pulmonary veins and arteries and aorta. They're attached to wires which come from the electromagnet. Without power they will shrink and press all that lays between them together, this will make it impossible for the heart to transfer blood, which means that-"_

"I know what that means, Jarvis"

Tony silently watched the animation on the screen, which showed him what would happen if the rings closed and the heart stopped pumping blood, and shivered. He put his elbows on the table and laid his face in his hands. Harlan had said to him that if he was him, he wouldn't even think of removing the electromagnet, replacing it with an arc reactor, yes, but not removing it, and now he understood. One thing was clear to him at this point though...

"Jarvis, we're back at start, we need to make a new arc reactor without palladium, and _god _I'm hungry!" a smirk passed Tony's face as he grabbed the car battery and ran upstairs. "Pepper, are you hungry?" he asked as he did his "snap-clap" thing.

He saw Pepper sitting curled up in the sofa, watching television while her head rested in her hand. She was worried, without doubt, but did she know about the electromagnet? He checked his shirt, _yep, still buttoned_, nobody could have noticed it, only the cables. He knew he actually _had_ to tell her all about it, but not how. He could sit down with her now and tell, or he could wait, just a little bit longer, either way would be hard. Tony took two bowls out of a closet and found some cereals. He kept an eye with Pepper, she looked a bit distant but gorgeous as always, she was probably just baffled by the recent events. Tony walked slowly upon her and sat down next to her, giving her one of the bowls.

"You didn't give me an answer, but I assumed you were hungry." Tony started eating as if it was several days ago since the last time. Wait... it was, actually.

"Thank you." was everything Pepper managed to get out of her throat.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm alive right? How can anything possibly be better then?" Tony did a brave attempt in cheering her up, but she remained silent.

Shit! What was he going to do? Just sit there in total silence, or go downstairs and start making the arc reactor? None of the two were appealing to him right now, he was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but honestly, he was terrified of the thought that the nightmares might be back. Workshop it was.

* * *

"Hey Pepper, mind giving me a hand down here? Like literarily?"

Pepper got dragged out of her sleep by Tony's soft and playful voice into her ear, and she giggled satisfied, that dirty little kid. She was about to turn around and lay her hand on his fit stomach when she realized that the voice came from her earpiece. She gave her watch a fast glance, _what? 4am?_, what was wrong with him? She was to kind to even consider going downstairs, but Pepper hauled herself angrily out of the soft, warm bed and shuffled down to the workshop. She yawned and groaned loudly to make sure Tony got it, but when she saw him she suddenly felt much more awake. She was sure that she was only inches from fainting when she saw the chunk of metal at Tony's heart, and the fact that it was hooked up to the car battery too. Her legs brought her reluctantly towards the chair Tony was sitting in, and she was scared to death of the thought of what might meet her. Tony must have seen the look on her face because he started laughing.

"You expected something whole different when I asked for your hand, didn't you?" he said laughing, and his mouth turned into a huge grin.

"I-I, well this wasn't it at least" Pepper didn't take her eyes off the electromagnet for one second, everything was just a joke to him.

"I know I should have told you right away, but I just didn't want to disappoint you, to let you know that it's back" he held up the arc reactor in front of her "And now I need your help, though I perfectly understand-"

"I told you to never ask me to do something like this again, remember?" Pepper was frustrated and afraid, she didn't know what to think about that the arc reactor was actualy back, so she yelled, and she regretted it at once.

"And then I told you that I don't have anyone else than you, remember?" Tony raised one eyebrow and looked expectantly on Pepper who let out a short sigh. "What you need to do is rip out the electromagnet and the cobber wire, and then you put in the arc reactor and fasten it to the base plate, just like last time. But!" he held a finger to the sky. "You need to be as fast as fucking possible, because I can only live without it for about thirty seconds."

_Thanks, Tony._ She thought to herself, knowing that there actually was a time limit only made things worse. She didn't want to, she wholeheartedly didn't want to do this, what if she made him suffer, or even worse... killed him!

"Cap could do it, or maybe even Natasha" Pepper gave him one last, begging look.

"Listen, Pepper, I trust you and I know that you can do this. Now, would you? I'm getting tired of dragging that square of metal around and it would be really nice to just get over with it" Tony replied hastily.

"Okay" she said hesitantly.

"Okay? Great, let's go then!" he clasped his hands together and rubbed them.

Pepper closed her eyes and took a deep breath before Tony handed her the arc reactor. She laid it down at the table next to them and prepared herself for ripping out the piece of metal from his chest. She drew one final breath as she quickly pulled it out and replaced it with the arc reactor in one movement. Tony held up his hands as if to defend himself.

"What was the time? Seriously, I didn't even get to react to what you did." Pepper giggled at his movement and what he said.

He had that effect on her, on everyone. He didn't have to say or do much, he just was like that. He could make someone who was going through hell feel like they were in heaven only by smiling. Pepper thought it was the best quality Tony had, but also the worst. He could fake a smile or a sarcastic sentence so well that no one would ever notice that he was lying or having a hard time or something, but Pepper would always be able to tell, she had known him for such a long time. Something was bothering him, but she let it be, maybe he would tell her eventually.

"Now you follow me upstairs, and then you come under the sheets with me." Pepper whispered into Tony's ear while she let her hand run through his soft, dark hair.

"Sure, no problem!" Tony jumped down on the floor and followed Pepper who held his hand.

* * *

Pepper lay with her back against Tony while he held around her stomach, using the other hand to massage her head. He was still exhausted, but having the arc reactor at place was definitely something else, it gave him more energy. Even if he wanted to sleep, he couldn't do it, he was too afraid, and he didn't want to bother Pepper with anything, at least not right now. She was so peaceful asleep, and so beautiful, Tony thought of how lucky he was to have her, and that she couldn't be taken for granted. He sighed quietly and closed his eyes, but pictures of his own chest split open and bleeding and the awful feeling of falling down from the sky made him open them quickly again. No, he couldn't sleep, absolutely not, and he didn't want to either. All of this thinking didn't lead anywhere, so why stay in bed at all? The clock was 6am, so in an hour he'd by up anyways. He carefully lifted his arm away from Pepper's stomach and stopped massaging her head, and then he slipped silently out of the bed and walked down to the workshop. He snapped once and then all screens, lights and gadgets came to life. This was where he belonged, it always felt good being down there and tinker. Now that everything was silent and things had finally calmed down, he had the opportunity to make a plan. A plan of attack, or as he liked to say: he had a plan... attack!

"Jarvis, I know it's early, but I need a manipulative sketch of the mark 42" Tony said.

"I'm on the case Sir" Jarvis' voice made Tony relax, he was the sound of the workshop.

Tony made himself a cup of coffee and started to delete and add parts to the suit. The mark 42 was a great suit, but only a prototype, he had to actually finish it this time, and of course upgrade it and make it better. Tony hadn't ever removed the chips from inside his arm, so he would still be able to command the suit the way he had done before he destroyed it, that was at least a start. He still had he software too, he just needed _the _suit.

"Well, we've got no time to lose, so let's go!" Tony snapped his fingers once more and music filled the whole room as he started making the suit.

* * *

"Sir, Miss Potts is approaching, it's highly recommended that you-"

"For god sake Jarvis, hide everything and mute!" Tony yelled stressed back at him.

The suit stood on a platform that went underground and disappeared, every screen went black, sketches and other information vanished and Tony pretended to just make himself another cup of coffee as he saw Pepper walking down the stairs and enter her code to the workshop. She was fully dressed in her black heels and pencil skirt, walking with quick steps towards Tony.

"It's seven am, you must've been up early, or what?" Pepper raised an eyebrow and Tony understood that she wasn't fully asleep when he left the bed.

"Yeah, I never really got to that sleeping part" he set up childish smile.  
"Tony, you have to tell me if there is a problem" suddenly her voice was filled with worry.

"Yeah, you know that's really not my style" Tony started cleaning up the place, trying to avoid eye contact, while Pepper followed after him.

"You never tell me anything, like the electromagnet, how do you expect for me to react to that?" Tony stopped and looked at her.

"I don't _expect _for you to react, say or do anything, I-"

"Is that so? I thought I was a little bit better than that" Pepper looked seriously hurt.

"No no no, I didn't mean it like that Pepper. Just, I know that it wasn't fair not telling you, and it's okay if you're disappointed-"

"You leave one night, then you're gone for two days, and then you come back almost dead and with that thing in your chest again! I thought you wanted it to be gone!" Pepper almost cried now, she didn't mean for it to get like this.

"Hey, that's not fair at all" Tony's voice suddenly got more serious. "I left because I got a message from you, telling me to meet you at central park, but that I had to walk there. So I did, and then I got hit by a car. I woke up again tied up to a table, and all of a sudden a man starts digging into me with a knife, and he makes sure I am awake so that I can feel it and see it. He puts a mask over my face so that I fall asleep and when I wake up that fucking chunk of metal is back in my chest" Tony noticed that his voice had raised and that he now practically yelled at Pepper who stood left speechless. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I'm the one who's sorry, I shouldn't have said anything before-"

"It's okay then, leave it be, we're going to figure this out. I just have to go and kick some ass first, and then-"

"What?" Pepper stopped him, her voice still shaking.

"What what?" Tony realized the big mistake he had just done, he had almost said that he was going back as Iron Man, he could still save this.

"Tony, what are you planning on?" fear was lying under her voice.

"Nothing, I didn't mean like-"

"Jarvis, let me know everything Tony has done down here today" Pepper didn't move her glance away from Tony who stood there with raised eyebrows, waiting for her to fail.

"As you wish Madame" Jarvis replied and turned on every screen and the room once again got filled with information and sketches of his suits.

Slowly the almost finished mark 42 raised up from the floor, leaving Pepper totally shocked.

"What? Jarvis, I made you, and then you do this to me? Thank you for the cooperation buddy" Tony tried to sound disappointed, to make Pepper laugh, but she just stood there with her mouth open. "Ta-da?" Tony opened up his arms and set up a fake smile, without succeeding.

"You've got a meeting 2 pm at Stark Industries, be there" Was everything she said, and then she left the room.

* * *

**Yeah boo, hiss, I promise to fix them, just give it some time. Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate it. Remember to review and tell me what you like/didn't like, it's what keeps me going. Another chapter will be up soon, once again: Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the late update, but I've been out shopping all day and then I had to train one of my horses and I lost a little bit motivation. I am also sorry for this being only a short update, but better than nothing, right? Hope you'll enjoy it anyways, thank you for reading it!**

* * *

Tony did the last adjustments to the suit before he stepped a bit away from it and did a gesture with his arms which made it come flying onto him. There was a good sensation flowing through him at the moment his helmet closed and he felt ready for everything, right before anxiety got to him.

"Let me out! Open up Jarvis!" He said stressed out under his breath.

Tony came crashing down to the floor as the suit opened up. He couldn't do it, what Harlan said about Tony just being a little man in a shell was correct, and Tony couldn't be in that shell. He felt trapped, locked up and unable to move, though he knew he was more able to move with the suit on than off. He had to try, for his own sake. Harlan had placed the electromagnet at his chest so that he could go back to being Iron Man, and then he had threatened him afterwards. What would happen if he didn't show up as Iron Man within the next few days? Would that affect Pepper? Tony got a flashback from when he was tied up in front of Killian and he showed him that awful hologram of Pepper being tortured with extremis, it was the worst feeling he'd ever had. He would never put Pepper in harm's way, not on purpose at least, he owed her that much. There was no reason for not trying once more, Tony wouldn't let himself be controlled by fear. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and did the gesture with his arms once more. When he opened his eyes, the helmet was once again closed, but this time it was okay, Tony felt that he could breathe and move, it was okay.

"Did you find the address Jarvis?" Tony asked as he checked that everything worked as it should by the information in front of him.

"Of course, Sir" Jarvis said with a sarcastic undertone.

"Ha-ha-ha, of course, let's get this thing up in the air, shall we?"

Tony positioned himself and then the whole front wall made of glass opened and he flied out with New York beneath him.

* * *

"Did you really think I wouldn't find you? What about giving me a fake name next time, oh... wait... there won't be a next time" Tony fired one of the repulsors right next to Harlan who sat on the floor and tried to get away from him.

"Wait, you don't understand, haven't they-" there was no point in trying to explain to him, he was furious and not sane.

"I think I understand very well, Harlan. Remember that I was actually awake long enough to observe a bit of the surgery" Tony spat back at him and fired once more, this time he hit, but Harlan didn't make any sound.

After a while, when the smoke disappeared, Tony could see Harlan's lifeless body in the corner of the very room he himself thought he was going to die in. What had he just done? This wasn't Tony, this wasn't Iron Man, he didn't do things like that. He didn't just go around and kill people he didn't like, he killed those who were a threat to the universe, because those guys were dangerous, this was something of a whole different dimension. Was he actually becoming a dangerous weapon? Once again he felt trapped in the suit, not able to move, breathe or do anything at all. It felt as if he was being strangled and he was really struggling to get air down in his lungs. What was happening to him? Wait, he knew exactly what was happening, he had felt the same way when he got those anxiety attacks right before Christmas. What was he going to do? _Just breathe, really, just breathe. _That little kid from Tennessee, that was what he had told him, but how could he _just breathe _when he didn't know how to? A thousand of questions and possible answers to them circled around Tony's head before he finally managed to open up the suit. He managed to stay on his feet this time, but shortly after he fell down, coughing and heaving for his breath. There was no way in hell he would go back into that suit this time.

"Ha- Happy... he has to... to... pick me up" Tony closed his eyes and clenched his jaws when he realized what he had actually asked for Jarvis to do.

"Sir, your heart rate is dangerously high and your lungs doesn't get enough air, taking the suit back home would be much faster" Jarvis actually sounded a bit nervous to Tony.

"To hell Jarvis, I can't. I... just... I can't" He yelled as he tried to focus on the breathing while he sat on the floor. "Just get him here and bring the suit back home" tears threatened with running down his face.

It didn't take much time before Happy's car was outside of the little house at Kings Point Road, he walked inside to pick up a more or less destroyed Tony and that was it. He didn't say anything or ask any questions, he just followed Jarvis' instructions on where to take him. When they finally arrived at the Stark Tower, Tony walked inside almost like a zombie, changed clothes, freshened up his looks and walked outside again to get transported to the meeting Pepper had told him not to miss. He was in no mood to sit for hours at a meeting, listening to things he found rather boring, but Tony was a master in putting on poker faces. There was just one thing to do: Smile, nod and then say no to whatever it was these people wanted. Tony sighed loudly before he reached for the door handle, but he got stopped by Happy's voice.

"Are you sure you're fine?" It had to come, it just had to.

"Honestly, no, not at all. I just don't want to disappoint Pepper by not showing up at this meeting, even though that is just what I want to do right now" Tony looked down at his feet, trying to avoid eye contact, afraid the tears wouldn't stay inside this time.

"If you're going to make this a short process I can wait outside" Happy tried to make it easier for Tony, but this really just made it worse.

"No, get back to the tower and talk to Pepper, I'll call for you when I need you. I really don't want to spend that much time around in the apartment right now" There was no problem for Happy to understand that there was something wrong, something wrong _between them, _and Tony wanted help from him.

This time Tony actually opened the door and stepped outside. He wrapped himself into the warm down jacket and headed for the entrance. The employees of Stark Industries had no problem seeing that something wasn't right. Tony was always so determined when he walked past them and his chin was up, but now his head hung low, his shoulders were raised and it was obvious that he wanted to get past them unseen though he tried to act as normal as possible. It wasn't abnormal for Tony to wear the sunglasses on inside, he often did that to get that extra touch to his "I'm the boss, show respect" image, but this time it was different. He didn't take off his sunglasses because he didn't want for them to see how worn out he actually was, his eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep which also caused dark rings to appear under his eyes. _So much for trying to freshen up._ When he reached the conference room he had been told the meeting was in, he wondered about why the blinds were down, but he pushed the door open. Tony got a bit baffled when he saw who were sitting around the table, and even more when two guys dressed in suits placed themselves in front of the door as Tony tried to turn around and get back out.

"Hope you're not in a hurry, because we have a few things we need to discuss" Tony turned back around and stared right into an eye-patch.

* * *

**Once again, sorry for the short update, but I got really tired(the clock is probably much later here than where you are) and I think I finished it at a good place. And yeah, poor poor Tony, but I will fix this too, promise, he's going to kick some ass soon, just... be patient! Now review, it keeps my heart beating.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four! Hope you like it and that everything makes sense...**

* * *

"Happy, the fact that he sent you to talk to me just makes it even worse" Pepper was cleaning up the apartment as she talked to Happy who sat in the sofa.

"He didn't literally tell me to talk to you, I just figured out something was wrong and wanted to find out what, but Tony was in a hurry" Happy was probably the worst liar ever.

"Oh, please, if he wants to apologize or something, he may do it himself, and not send someone to do it" Pepper continued the cleaning, to show that she didn't really care that much, even though she absolutely did.

"If it is of any help, I don't think he's going back to being Iron Man, Jarvis sent me to pick him up and then the suit flew home on auto pilot" Those words silenced Pepper, he had actually been out with it already, despite that she showed what she meant about its reappearance. "When I came to pick him up I had to walk into the house he was in and literally drag him out from there. He was all distant for the whole ride back home and to Stark Industries, then he told me to get back here and talk to you" Happy had seen the dead man in the corner, but didn't want to tell Pepper since it would probably just make things worse.

"I'll talk to him when he gets back here, I want to hear this from his point of view. Thank you though, you can leave if you want to" Pepper gave him a look that meant _I need time alone,_ and so he left.

* * *

"Glad to have you back Tony, I've missed you" Nick Fury sat up the most fake grin in the history, and Tony squinted back at him. "If the rest of you didn't catch up with what happened about four weeks ago, I'll give you a little recap. You see, Tony had some problems with anxiety attacks and nightmares, and also the Mandarin, I'm sure you got that part. What none of you know is that after miss Potts were put in harm's way, he weighed it up to her by exploding all of his suits and removing the shrapnel _and _the arc reactor from his heart. Yes, the arc reactor was in his hart, not just part of the suit, so now you know that too" Fury walked around the table everyone was sitting around, keeping an eye on their reactions.

"I... actually knew that" Bruce held his hand up in the air, but quickly put it down again when no one was even slightly amused.

"Thor couldn't make it, but I'll make sure he gets to know too. Tony, were you planning on leaving us, or didn't you give us one single thought?" There was no doubt Fury was holding with the last option.

Tony sat still for a moment, just watching all of his "team mates" being totally baffled by the information they'd just received. He was the bad guy now, the one who was going to abandon them, for what, keeping Pepper safe? She wasn't even one of them. It seemed like everyone sat in their deepest thoughts, trying to figure out why he did what he did and why he wouldn't answer Fury's question, except from Bruce. He was patiently waiting for Tony to speak, and that's why he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He was speechless, didn't know what to say, and that was extremely rare for him. There was no doubt he had been thinking about them, he had actually done that a lot. Tony didn't have the best of reputation when it came to loyalty, and what Fury had just said about him made it look like he didn't care at all. What about just telling them that he had actually planned for going back to being Iron Man? He actually had, so it wouldn't be a lie. Everyone looked at him now, waiting for an answer, for _answers,_ but Fury stole his chance.

"That's why S.H.I.E.L.D decided to force you back to work. I can see that you've done some improvement since that night" Fury pointed at Tony's arc reactor and saw the questioningly look at his face. "I stood behind that, you're quite right" Tony lunged towards Fury, but Steve and Bruce held him back and pushed him down in his chair again.

After a few seconds Tony was calm again and the two guys let go of him, but he lunged forwards again as soon as they did, but it only resulted in him being thrown down on the floor. Steve held his hand on his shoulder, pushing him down on the floor and making it impossible to get up again. Natasha and Clint sat silenced by the table, struggling a bit to take in everything that had just happened as they didn't know Tony as well as Bruce and Steve did, at least not on a personal basis. Tony was still being held to the floor, breathing heavily and shaking tremendously. He didn't even believe himself when his thoughts worked with what he had just got to know. He knew that Fury could do bad things, but this... this was of another dimension. Fury had actually forced Tony back to the life he tried to get rid of. Tony took hold of Steve's arm and he let go so that he could get back up on his legs.

"And there wasn't any other more... _human_ way you could do it?"Tony was still furious, but he managed to stay on the reasonable site.

"Of course there's always another option, but asking you weren't one of them" He looked lazily on Tony.

"You had to hit me with a car and then make me suffer and believe that I was going to die?" Tony's almost shouted.

"We wanted to scare you Tony, give you a lot to think about, so that you would at least keep that electro magnet in your body until today. That way I could explain to you first" Fury was getting sick of Tony asking questions and tried to move over to the next subject, but Tony wasn't finished yet.

"I had a plan, I was never going to leave you, I was just taking a break, fixing my life. You knew about the anxiety issue, and the nightmares, why do you think I removed the arc reactor, for fun? I needed to move on with my life and live it like a normal person if only for a few weeks, and then I was going to rebuild the mark 42 and place an arc reactor in its chest. There is no need for me to go around with this in my chest anymore without the shrapnel, I could just put one in the suit and it would work just as nice. Now that it's back, so are the nightmares, and the anxiety attacks, and it's worse than ever. I've got no idea how you think I can play superhero when my mind is everywhere at the same time" Tony was still angry, and he was breathing fast and heavily.

For the first time ever Fury was silenced. Maybe he hadn't thought this that well through, maybe he had actually failed. This made Tony even more furious, if he had the arc reactor in his chest because of one single question not being asked...

"S.H.I.E.L.D found out that planting the electro magnet in your chest would be a more permanent solution. I believe Harlan added his own little touch to it to make it even more permanent, since I asked him to" Fury sighed and raised from his chair, the two men in front of the door stepped aside and Fury opened the door before he stopped. "By the way, thank you for making a vacancy for us, and it's good to see that the car crash didn't harm you too bad, so that you can come back to work even sooner" With that said, Fury walked out of the room. He hadn't cared about anything of what Tony had just told him.

"Well, let's look at the positive side... Giving Pepper that earpiece actually paid off" Steve said to try and lighten up the atmosphere, he failed.

* * *

Tony hadn't been this nervous since... he had _never_ been this nervous before. This was a one shot, and he had to say the right things and avoid saying the wrong things. He had practiced for what to say, just so that he wasn't going to screw it up. Even though he went over and over again in his head how he was going to do this, he just knew that he was going to spoil it. He drummed his fingers impatiently on the wall in the elevator as he waited for it to reach the apartment, though deep inside he wanted it to never get there. As said as done, the elevator suddenly stopped and the bells started ringing at the same time as it all went dark. Was it ok if he got one of those anxiety attacks now? Because it was absolutely no problem for him. Tony felt the whole room shrinking, but then the doors slid up and there was a little space for Tony to get out of it. He rushed out of it as soon as possible and once he was out, the wires broke and the elevator raced down to the floor in free fall and collapsed at the bottom. Tony supported himself on the wall behind him, taken aback of what had just happened. He could have been lying squeezed flat on the bottom floor right now if that door opened one second later. For a brief moment a thought hit him; had someone just tried to assassinate him? He shook it off, there was actually possible for something to just be an accident, something could happen all randomly without him having to go all paranoid. Tony took a look around and saw that he was in the gym, four floors under their own apartment. He found the stairs and started walking them, now he could just use long time and then he could still prepare for what to say to Pepper. He was still shaky after the recent incident, which only made things worse, he couldn't focus. The meeting with Fury and the other Avengers was also fresh in his memory. The door to the apartment came way too fast, and Tony drew a quick breath before he opened the heavy door slowly and quietly. He didn't see Pepper, and the stair down to the workshop was right next to him, it was awfully attempting to go down, but he continued walking towards their room. He wanted to yell for her, but didn't do it. _Avoid the problem as long as you can_... _no, that is just so wrong,_ he thought. He had to do it, it was now or never, it would just grow worse if he continued avoiding it.

"Pepper, are you there?" He yelled a bit unsecure towards the bedroom.

"God, are you okay? Someone called me about the elevator, they said you were in it, I thought-"

"No, I'm fine, I got out just before it crashed" an awkward silence filled the room after he said that, no one knew what to say until Tony finally found courage enough to say what he had on his heart. "Look, I am _truly_ sorry for making the suit behind your back, but I didn't want to hurt you. I was actually threatened into going back to Iron Man, if that helps, and I was afraid that it may put you in harm's way if I refused to do so-"

"Happy told me about what happened earlier today, that he had to pick you up and-"

"Don't make this about me, this is about you and how incredibly sorry I am for hurting you. I went to that meeting and things sort of... made a bit more sense to me after that, even though I have a lot more questions in my mind now. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and I promise to not hide things from you anymore" Tony held Pepper's hands and looked softly into her eyes, it definitely made her melt and she wasn't angry anymore.

"So what was the meeting about?" Pepper thought she changed the topic, but of course... she didn't.

"It wasn't really a _meeting_ meeting" Tony answered slowly. "It was more of a "sit still and I'll tell you why that electro magnet is in your chest" meeting held by Nick Fury" That name made Pepper wake up, she hated him for always giving Tony dangerous missions. "S.H.I.E.L.D placed it there on purpose, they hit me with that car on purpose, they put me through hell that night I came home on purpose and they threatened me on purpose just to scare the hell out of me so that I would never even think of getting rid of the electro magnet" Tony said it with such a despite in his voice that Pepper couldn't help getting really angry herself.

"So Fury basically dragged you out of heaven and back to the hell you tried to escape?" It was maybe a bit harsh, but it was the way Pepper had interpreted the whole thing. Tony shrugged, as if to show Pepper that it wasn't that a big deal, even though she knew he thought it was. "What now?" She looked hopefully at Tony.

"I don't know, I just want to sit down and think about it, and then we can come back to it tomorrow" His head slowly closed in on Pepper's and he leaned his forehead on hers before giving her a little kiss and walking down to the workshop.

* * *

Tony sat all alone in the workshop just staring at the suit, not having the slightest clue about what to do next up. He was so close to actually calling a shrink when it hit him. _It's good to see that the car crash didn't harm you too bad, so that you can come back to work even sooner._ What if he had been injured? Then he couldn't have been Iron Man, he had to recover first. If recovery from an injury meant that he couldn't be Iron Man... Something appeared in Tony's sight and he immediately grabbed it from the desk it was on. It was a timer, those you often see on bombs, and what if there was an _accidental _explosion while he worked on the suit, would people buy that? Well, there was only one way to find out...

* * *

**Yeeep, said I was going to fix them, didn't I? Now we'll just have to fix those 1001 other problems too, no prob... So remember what I said about reviews making my heart beat? Yeah, it's beating reaaaaaally slow now, would you help me?**


	5. Chapter 5

Pepper had just been to a short meeting in the morning and Happy parked the car at the exact same moment as a massive bang went off. Glass hammered down on the roof of the car and black smoke and hot fire stood out of the windows at the top of Stark Tower. Pepper hurried out of the car and took her hand over her mouth in shock as she saw where the explosion had been, _Tony's workshop. _The fire alarm was deafening, but Pepper could hear the screaming people running out from the tower. All of them placed themselves on the other side of the street to watch. Happy had also made it out of the car and sent Pepper a confused look. It didn't take much time before sirens blended in together with the alarm and there were police and firemen everywhere. The firemen ran inside to start evacuating and the policemen tried to keep everyone away, including the paparazzi. _This will make one hell of a front page, _Happy thought to himself. Pepper tripped on her heels over to the other side of the road to search for Tony. She caught a glimpse of Steve, Bruce and Natasha, but there was no sign of Tony. The masses of people were overwhelming, Pepper tried moving amongst them, but it was like swimming against the current. She gave up and walked back towards the tower, but she got stopped by a policewoman. She tried to tell Pepper that it wasn't safe, that there might be another bomb, that it could be a terrorist attack. Pepper tried to push her aside, but then she felt a warm hand on her cold shoulder and quickly turned around. She met Steve's eyes, and they had a look she couldn't quite place. Emptiness? Soreness? It didn't matter since she didn't even get to blink before it was gone and they lightened up.

"Where's Tony?" He asked with a smile, but deep inside he knew, and that was what his eyes had told her.

"I-I think… Steve, I think Tony is still in there" She frowned and almost started crying.

Steve's jaw dropped as what he had frightened virtually got confirmed by Pepper. He had been right when he counted floors and concluded with that the thick smoke came from Tony's workshop.

* * *

"Well… that wasn't too bad, was it?" Tony lay on his back between the shattered glass on the floor, waiting for Jarvis to answer.

"Considering that you wanted to create as much damage as possible, Sir… no" A grin passed Tony's face right before he winced when found out that the whole front wall was off and that the chilly air was in fact _very _chilly. It was early in the morning, so the night air hadn't quite vanished yet. Then he noticed that he was actually injured, severely injured.

The glass hadn't just shattered out on the floor, it had fastened to Tony's skin as well. There were small and large pieces of glass shards everywhere, his face, arms, stomach, _everywhere. _Some were really deep down and had made seriously big cuts which bled tremendously. He found out very fast that moving wasn't something to recommend, so he just stayed where he was and watched as smoke filled the room and his expensive equipment being on fire. Either someone had to come and rescue him, or he had to walk down to the training centre and take the functional elevator from there. Since moving hurt, that would be just what he'd do. He turned over to his stomach and lifted himself up with his hands, it resulted in the shards drilling further into them, but he continued until he was on his feet. He walked staggering towards the door leading to the stairs while glass crunched under his sneakers and smoke went down in his lungs. Tony coughed and supported himself at the door handle as the door went up. He shuffled on towards the stairs and had a firm grip around the handrail as he took his first step down.

"Sir, your vitals are dropping and you are losing a fair share of blood, should I call for someone?" Jarvis tried to get contact with Tony, but he just continued staggering down the stairs.

There was no need for Jarvis to tell Tony that his vitals were dropping, he knew, he absolutely knew. Calling for someone sounded like a good idea, but for some reason his legs just continued down the stairs without Tony's approval. There were several times when he almost stumbled, but he made it down to the elevator and literally fell into it when it opened. He was a bit skeptical, but the chance of a second elevator failing wasn't really big, and also, walking the stairs wasn't an option. He saw himself in the mirror that surrounded the elevator and his eyes widened at the sight, was that really him? There were blood and glass shards all over his body, he was literally twinkling because of the glass. His white t-shirt had gone all red and the only possible way to recognize him was that his hair was still the same. He didn't notice the alarm until now, and it was incredibly deafening. He didn't hear the ding of the elevator but he felt that it stopped and pushed on the door so that when it slid open he came crashing on to the floor. Once again the glass shards bored into his skin, making even more blood stream out. He managed to get up again with a roar and then he got to the door by doing some sort of running. He supported himself at the doorframe with his elbow and took a minute before he slung it open and limped out towards the masses of people. Some people in uniforms tried to stop him, but it was only halfhearted attempts as they quickly moved away when he waved his hand at them. He must've been looking like a maniac since people moved away shocked and terrified when he entered the horde of people, or was it mentally disturbed sheep, he couldn't really tell the difference. He tried to moan Pepper's name, but it was so low and mumbling that no one got it. He did it a few more times until one person recognized him and stopped him. The woman in front of him laid her hand under his cheek and pulled it up so that his eyes met hers. _Natasha._

"Cap! Over here!" She yelled so that Tony actually felt like wincing, but he didn't, this was vulnerability to the utmost of what Tony would show to the public. He didn't need to be pitied.

In a few seconds Steve were at the place with Pepper pattering right behind him. They were both delighted to see Tony, but Pepper couldn't anything to it when a squeal escaped her lips because of the red t-shirt. It was enough for Tony and he lost his balance and felt right into Steve's arms. How ironic that he was having Tony in his arms once again out here at basically the same place as last time. They didn't even like each other that much. Tony was a high-tech genius who made electronic things all the time, while Steve struggled with understanding the smart phone he had got from him. He just didn't understand why they would call it a smart phone… Tony bled so much that it actually started running down the arms of Steve's leather jacket, and he quickly understood that he, once again, had to act fast.

"We need to get him to a hospital, there's loads of ambulances here, so it shouldn't be a problem" Natasha told Steve with the normal and relaxed tone she always had, and which pissed Pepper off. How could she be this calm _now?_

"Nooo" Tony moaned with closed eyes. "Please, no hospital, please. Promise me" Pepper got a bit taken aback, Tony saying please and asking for someone to promise him? Not often!

She turned to Steve who saw the pleading look on her face. Did she actually mean that? Was she on his site on this one? This couldn't be fixed with a couple of patches, or stings, not to talk about how long it would take to remove the shards and how painful it would be for Tony. He shuddered slightly at the thought. Tony's opinion mattered to him, of course, but when that so obviously wasn't the best for him, should he pay attention to it? He gave Pepper a confused look back, as if he didn't know what to do at all. They didn't have anywhere to take him anyways, all of the avengers lived in the Stark Tower which was currently filled up with all sorts of people in uniforms. Steve didn't see another option and started walking towards the ambulances with Tony's arm hanging around his neck.

"N-no, you can't, I won't, stop" Tony laid all his weight on Steve's shoulders and let his feet get dragged along the ground to stop him.

"This is for your best, come on, you can't seriously believe that you're going to be okay if we don't take you to a hospital?" Steve waited for an answer, but there never came one.

* * *

"Ouch! Be careful!" Tony dragged himself away from Pepper who sat with tweezers and took out the glass shards bit by bit. "And by the way, this isn't far from being okay Captain Worry" Tony looked up at Steve who sent him an irritated look back.

Tony was far from okay, anyone could tell that. His skin was pale and he was shivering cold, even though the house had been warmed up by now. He sat with a towel in his mouth which he almost tore apart every time Pepper dragged out a new shard, and it didn't help much to know that when twenty was gone, there were about a thousand left. Also he had lost a lot of blood, but at least Tony had made them agree with him that it wasn't so much he needed transferring. _Oh, how much a pleading look can do to you_, he thought and looked at Pepper. He couldn't anything too it but feeling a bit dizzy and flaccid though. The explosion had somewhat gone out of the dimension he had planned for, but at least it did the job, there was no way in hell he could fly around and be a superhero now.

"Aaah!" He screamed as a large shard that had been deep into his skin was dragged out.

"Hey, Tony, you're the one who wanted this. It's just as bad for me as it is for you, I am no doctor so don't expect for me to do this right and comfortable for you. At least you get to be in _my _house for the next days, you should be pleased" Pepper was absolutely right, but the pain was excruciating and that was a fact. Screaming actually helped.

Tony let his eyes go from place to place in the little kitchen. Pepper's house was small, but nice indeed. It didn't look like someone had actually lived there at all, and that was almost right. Pepper had spent a lot of time at the Stark Mansion, she even had her own room to crash in after work that she had used a lot. After they got together she hadn't been there at all, not that Tony knew of at least. Then they moved to the Stark Tower for a while, and then back to the Stark Mansion again before it got destroyed and they moved back to New York. Both of them were used to travelling and moving, so it hadn't really been that bad, the sad part was that Tony's house laid on the bottom of the sea, something he wasn't too happy about. He shook it off and sighed, sitting still like this was really boring, she had to be finished soon. Why was Steve still there by the way? Maybe he was waiting for a thank you or something? That wouldn't happen in a million years, he almost took Tony to the hospital, he had no clue of how eager the doctors would be at investigate the arc reactor. The whole hospital would be an FBI investigation in two seconds, they would find out about Harlan and then they had to find out themselves how it actually works to put an electromagnet into someone's chest. They would most likely get S.H.I.E.L.D, and that would put Fury on edge. Tony would be forced to tell all about the arc, his own idea that no one else was supposed to have, and he would be like a pincushion to the doctors with syringes. When he tried to resist, they would tie him up and…and. All the thinking, and _what _he was thinking off made an attack come up to the surface. He had had his eyes closed for a while and when he opened them he realized his head was in his hands and that he had cringed together as best as he could on the chair he sat on. When he took his hands away and looked up with bloodshot eyes he saw Pepper and Steve looking at him terrified. The towel dropped to the floor as Tony's hands started shaking and he was getting short of breath.

"Okay, that's enough for now. I'm basically finished with the back anyways, let's get you in bed" Pepper ruffled his hair and took his arm to help him up.

Tony looked incredibly distant to her, his eyes didn't move at all, as if a veil of thoughts covered his eyes. She led the shivering man into bed and put a thin duvet over him, just so that it wouldn't be too much of a pressure on the remaining shards. As if on command Tony's eyes closed and he went off to dreamland.

"He's going to be okay, there's one of these attacks again. Happy said he had one not long ago, I guess it's because of his lack of sleep, so that he's actually sleeping now is a really good sign" Pepper whispered to Steve who stood in the door together with her. They watched Tony as if he was their little child.

"Are _you _going to be okay Pep…Ms. Potts?" Pepper actually had to giggle a bit, he was always being so polite.

"I guess so, thank you for asking Captain" She said back with a playful smile.

"Well, it's getting late… I guess they're finished over at the Stark Tower by now" Steve gave her a slight nod and got out of the house before she could see that his ears got all red. What was that about?

* * *

Tony coughed vaguely when he woke up before he saw Pepper asleep in a chair next to the bed and tried to be as quiet as possible, but it was too late.

"Hey you, how are you feeling?" Pepper said with a light smile. It was early and she probably hadn't slept too much.

"Taken the circumstances?" He sat up and hesitated a bit to see an annoyed look at Peppers face. "I'm okay" He said tiredly. _Nothing more, nothing less_ he thought.

Pepper took a hand at his hair and bent closer to him as her she let it slip down to his cheek.

"God, you're hot!" She squealed and backed away, looking horrified at Tony.

"Well, that's not news" Tony raised an eyebrow cockily.

"Jerk" Pepper mumbled back, right now it was better to play along than to make it worse for him with showing that she worried. "I mean you're warm, I think I've got some aspirin here somewhere, at least I hope so" Pepper scratched her forehead and disappeared out of the room.

And in that exact moment, Tony felt it himself. It was just like yesterday, he was flaccid and dizzy, but now there was also fever, nausea and a headache. He threw the white, thin duvet away and slowly sank down on the pillow again. There were red spots here and there on the sheets which was a bit creepy, but it wasn't hard for him to fall asleep again. This time he was conscious of the fact that he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, which led to nightmares. He got pictures of the arc reactor being installed into his body, and Pepper being hurt, but his hands and were tied up to a table so he couldn't do anything. Unexpectedly there was intense pain, he stumbled over, tried to get out of a little room that slipped down to the ground and suddenly he was in his suit, not completely conscious, just enough to see that he was falling from the sky to the ground. The Hulk got him and locked his arm around him, he couldn't get free and the minute before he was about to get crushed he woke up. Tony tried to catch his breath as he sat up and the room started spinning. Had he been asleep for long? It was dark outside the last time he woke up, and it still was, except from the street lights. The nightmare had driven him even more exhausted, sleeping didn't help to relax anymore. Tony heard Pepper coming towards the room from the kitchen and he tried to look as ok as possible.

"Good news, I found some-" Pepper dropped the two bottles with painkillers when she looked up so that the pills went rolling out on the floor. She ran towards Tony and sat down next to him, placing her palm on his forehead. "How did it manage to get this much worse in ten minutes?" She asked concerned.

Tony sat in the middle of the bed in a lotus position, there was blood streaming down from several of the cuts and the color of his body was the same as the sheets he was sitting on. He was swaying slightly and his eyes was all bloodshot and blank.

_So that was how long I slept_. Tony didn't know what to answer, but he had promised not to hide anything for her anymore, so he wouldn't either.

"Nightmares, they're driving me crazy" He stared into her eyes, waiting for a reaction, but there was nothing. Then she closed her eyes and sighed hopelessly.

"That's why you never got to sleep that night?" She said through gritted teeth with her eyes still closed.

"Well… yes. And I haven't slept since either" Puppy eyes met Pepper, but she couldn't see them.

"Tony, that's two days ago!" She had opened her eyes now and they were filled with despair.

"Ok, I slept from last night till now, right?" A fake smile passed Tony's lips.

"You are incredible, you and I are going to get rid of this problem, together" She took his hand and remembered that he was actually sick when she felt how warm and sweaty it was. "Now, take two of this and then we'll continue with picking out glass from your body" She took two pills and gave them to Tony while she smiled sympathetically.

* * *

Tony quickly sat up which made his head almost explode. He was breathing rapidly and his shirt was soaked in sweat. His hair laid flat against his face and he was shaking incredibly much. He covered his eyes with his hands and moaned.

"I can't do this anymore"

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**Sooo, are you still there guys? Want me to keep writing? Tell me! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ermagherrd, thank you so much guys for reviews, follows, favorites, views and just... really, thank you! I forgot to tell you last time that i was... ****_am..._**** grateful for the 1000 views which has now become 1500+! Thank you you lovely readers, you make my day and life that little bit better so that I can say my life is complete. So you've waited long enough because I've been out competing with my horse, so here you go. Ladies and gentlemen... chapter 6!**

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"I can't do this anymore" Tony said as if he was giving up on his own life.

Pepper was by his side at once, stroking his back and whispering comforting words into his ear to sooth him. It was the fifth time he had woke up from nightmares and Pepper started wondering if he may never get rid of them.

"If you want to, we can get the rest of the shards out like I first suggested instead of trying to get rid of the nightmares. Just as a little break from this, you look worn out" She tried to get eye contact, but Tony just looked down at his thumbs.

He then gave her a nod, like a child who's just been crying and gets shameful afterwards. They headed towards the kitchen, Pepper supporting a clearly sick and exhausted Tony before she set him down at the chair again and found the tweezers. She looked at it, and there was still blood on it which reminded her that she really hated this. She hated that Tony was in pain because of her dragging out glass from his body and she hated the sound and the smell and the blood and everything that came with this. There was a reason for why she wasn't a doctor. Pepper was quickly on the job anyways and started picking out small pieces of glass and cleaned the wounds afterward. She knew it'd sting, but she had to clean them or else they would just get infected which would be much worse. She tried to be careful, but she was no doctor and it hurt deep down into her bones each time Tony winced or made a whimpering sound.

All of his back, face, arms and legs were basically clear of glass after a few hours, there was just his stomach and chest left. Some of the cuts she had cleaned were still bleeding, and Pepper didn't know what to do to stop it. There was already enough blood lost, if he was going to lose more it might be too much. A flow of guilt ran through her body as she realized that she should just gone with Steve's suggestion and take Tony to the hospital, everything would be much easier. Only thing was that Tony had literally _begged _for them not to take him to the hospital, and it had confused her so much she didn't know what to do or who to trust. She had to ask him later...

"OH GOD!" Tony screamed into the towel he was biting in so that Pepper almost jumped.

A shard that looked like it was only a small triangle showed out to be about five centimetres into his side, and it had to be at least seven centimetres wide too. How on earth had it gotten in there without making a huge cut? Tony looked down at it with contempt as Pepper slowly dragged it out. His skin was ripped up as the piece of glass made its way out of his body, it was as if someone put the tip of a knife on his skin and just started cutting. Memories came back to him, this was a feeling he was way too good known with, but this time it was different, worse, it cut him up from the _inside._

"Hurry up for god sake! This is probably..." He stopped as he waited for an intense pain wave to go over. "The most hurtful thing I've ever been put through, it's torture Pepper!" He said quickly and frustrated, holding his breath to lighten the load.

Pepper stopped when it was halfway out as bile rose in her throat. She wasn't sure if she could do it anymore, she was just a simple little woman in her pencil skirt and high heels, not one to drag out enormous glass shards from her boyfriend. It was so creepy how awake and fresh Tony behaved when he was actually very ill, he still had the guts to make jokes and make Pepper smile. Why couldn't he just pass out for a couple of hours, it would be much easier. _No pain for him, no pain for me... Oh, god, that is just so wrong Pepper! _She quickly shook off the thought. When she realized there had been quiet for a time she got nervous and quickly looked up at Tony. She had to giggle only a bit when she saw him sitting with his head backwards, eyes closed and biting into the towel.

"Is it over?" He asked sounding like a child while he opened one eye and then closed it again.

"Soon Tony. I'm sorry, I'll try to be a bit faster" Pepper took hold of the piece of glass with her hands and counted to three inside of her head before she roughly dragged it out, causing herself to fall down on the floor and Tony to scream so much she could hear a ringing noise in her ears afterwards.

His eyes were open now, more than open. He stared at the spot where the shard had been with big eyes while he was breathing and whimpering over each other. Again he placed his head in his hands, clenching to his sweaty hair and trying to stay awake. He could bear this pain, no problem, he had to. Pepper tossed the glass away and came up on her legs again to put a hand on his back, crouching down next to him. She was aware not to touch the wounds as they had started bruising, but then she saw where she had placed hand, there was no wounds, but still a big, purple bruise. She took her hand quickly away and pretended like she hadn't seen it. Something else had happened too, had someone beat him up? If it came from the car crash she would've seen it the night they slept together, it would've even been yellow by then. He was trying to hide something from her again, and she was going to let him do it to see if he eventually told her.

"Should I stop? We can take a break if you want to?" Pepper said with compassion in her eyes.

"N-no... this was the break, remember? Go on" He kept holding onto his hair and waited for her to dive into him again with the tweezers.

And so they sat there for about one more hour before Pepper declared herself finished. It didn't look so bad actually, except from where there had been many or big shards, because there were open cuts right there. He had small, purple and blue bruising over his whole body, but he always had that anyways from the battles he had fought as Iron Man, so it didn't scare Pepper _that _much. She was still thinking of how to patch up those wounds that had to be patched up, maybe she had some bandage she could just wrap around him. Problem was... Tony wouldn't let her.

"Have you got a needle and thread here?" Tony finally let go of his hair and looked up at Pepper.

"What do you mean?" She asked slowly, certain she knew the answer.

"I just thought that leaving these cuts open wasn't the best idea, but what do I know?" He said and rolled his eyes.'

"You're not seriously-"

"I need you to-"

"Thinking that I could-"

"Help me, I can't-"

"Patch you up. Tony, that's not even possible!" Pepper yelled now so that he should listen to her. "I can't just take a needle and a thread and start sewing _your skin _together, it doesn't work that way" She sounded very sorry.

"Actually it does, and do you have a better idea Dr. Potts?" He said sarcastically, once again waiting for her to fail.

"Have you heard about something called a hospital? What about letting me take you there?" She waited as the room was filled with silence, and Tony understood that she wanted to know why she couldn't.

"Doctors, scientists, physicists, CIA agents, what's the difference Pep? They all want a part of me... this" He tapped at the arc reactor. "I am not going to voluntarily lay my own life into those guy's hands and just wait for them to start investigating on what's keeping me alive as if I was a lab rat. I've though a lot about it, believe me" _Also... Iron Man doesn't need to go to hospital, he can survive on his own... and he's afraid of doctors..._

"I think I've got some bandages laying around" Pepper whispered so low that Tony barely heard it and he realized too late that he had been too harsh.

Pepper came back into the kitchen with a whole load of bandages and quickly and quietly started to bandage his hands, looking very fixated on her job to avoid eye contact. What had happened to them? It was almost impossible for them to have a conversation without getting mad at each other or start an argument. _What had happened to him?_ Tony had always been so strong, so confident and never cared about sickness or even major injuries, but now he just gave in and almost _begged _for her to take care of him. Where was the Tony she had known before Killian, the nightmares and the anxiety attacks started? Pepper was dragged back to reality when she realized that the bandages weren't slow on absorbing the blood. She just continued wrapping several layers around his hands so that eventually it got so tight and so much bandage that it would stop bleeding. She did so at both hands before she wanted to start on the big cut where the large shard had been.

"I need you to stand up" She said firmly while she pretended like she was busy with some entangled bandages.

Tony didn't dare, or rather bear to, to do anything else than obey. He stood up from the petite dining chair and supported himself at the table as he felt his knees buckle under him. He let her wrap the bandages tightly around his stomach without moving as much as an inch even though his inside yelled _ow, ow, ow, ooooooow! _He just clenched his teeth and fists and waited for her to get finished. How was it that his mouth always just ran away without his mind being able to catch up? It wasn't like that before, he could think clear then. He never thought before thinking, everything came natural to him, every insult and every witty comment, but at least his mind wasn't behind his throat, _never. _Maybe that wasn't the problem, but that his mind wandered off everywhere else. It wandered off to the cave, the wormhole, the drowning, all the fights and the two operations, and then the next thing he knew he was having a panic attack. He raised his voice when he didn't mean to, just because the pictures that flickered through his mental vision made him wanting to scream. He was terribly sorry for everything that had happened over the last few minutes, and it wasn't really that hard to say so.

"Sorry... Pep... I'm sorry" Tony let go of the table and landed on the hard chair with a thump when she stopped bandaging him. "There isn't any other way to say it. I don't know what's happening, but my mind isn't right. I need to get my mind right and I need to get my voice to listen to it. I never intended to raise my voice, you know I didn't... I never do. Can we just start over? Since... It's like... I can't handle this. Don't be mad, please don't be mad" He said with the most pleading voice and he took her hand as she crouched down next to him.

"You know I could never be mad at you" That was all she said and then she took the back of his hand into her chin and hugged it.

One second later Tony's hand was locked around her waist and she stood up, giving him a passionate kiss. She was sure not to touch him anywhere at all except from his neck where she had placed both of her hands. She let them slip slowly to his hair while they were kissing and she started fiddling with it, like she knew he loved. It was her turn to take care of him now, how had she even dared to think that he was the one who was supposed to take care of her all the time? What a stupid egoist she was. Every single incident since Christmas had shown Pepper that Tony wasn't the man everyone thought he was, he had feelings and he was just as vulnerable as anyone else. Nothing had happened to the old Tony, she had just learned to know him... after so many years together she had just learned to know him. He _needed _her, and she was going to stand by him and never leave. Just when she thought so her phone started ringing and she groaned before she reluctantly dragged herself away from Tony and picked it up. One look at the clock and she understood that most people had gone to work for two hours ago, and Tony and she should have done that too.

"Virginia Potts, how can I help you?" She said politely with her business voice.

"The whole world is going crazy, no one knows where you are, no one knows where Stark is and no one knows what happened to the tower so you've got a whole lot to explain Miss Potts!" The man Pepper knew was an employee at SI was really angry and frustrated, anyone could tell, but Pepper remained calm and businesslike.

"I am so sorry, I just seem to have my job phone with me for the moment, the press can't reach me on that one, I'll get the other one as soon as possible and then I'll answer all the questions they have and you can finish the work you were actually supposed to do" She couldn't help it but getting a bit bitchy.

"Mr. Stark was supposed to be here at 8 am for a meeting, we had to tell the attending to leave when half an hour passed and he didn't show up. We know he has his own schedule, but this is just rude Miss. Taken the circumstances with the tower people can't help getting a bit worried either, there hasn't been any sign of him since that and the news are starting to make up their own theories because no one has any clue about anything that has happen. You will let us know if you have any information, right?" He asked a bit suspicious, as if he already knew Tony was with her.

Pepper felt that she got angry this time. _Rude?_ He had no idea what was going on and then he threw out statements like that? He was the one being rude.

"Of course I will. I'm sorry to say that I haven't seen Tony since the night before the accident, but I'm sure he'll show up soon enough. Thank you for calling Sir, I'll let you know if I see something, I'm so sorry I have to hang up on you, but I have a meeting to attend to"

"mhmmm" Pepper reached to hear just before she turned off the phone and turned to Tony again.

* * *

"She's with him, definitely, and she's hiding something from us" The man placed his fingertips together and looked cruelly on the other man on the opposite site of the table.

"Well... I guess we just have to track them down then" He let out a low, humming laughter.

* * *

"I know you're tired, exhausted and probably... you have to be hungry?" Pepper cut herself off midsentence and looked at Tony with raised eyebrows. He shook his head. "Come on, you don't eat and you don't sleep, don't you want to get well?" The question hit Tony right in his chest. _No, nonononono, that's the point, I don't want to get well. _

This was like a soldier hurting himself to get away from duty, he felt like a pussy, a weak little child that couldn't even fight his own fears. Very much like what his father had described him as. Now when his head was finally a bit clearer he understood what a fool he had been. Pepper was forced to stay with him and literally babysit him, watch him every minute, no _second,_ to be sure he didn't do something stupid as ripping of the bandages or something, and that was only because he was so stupid to make a bomb to hurt himself on purpose. Was it actually a death wish? He was damn close to dying about 48 hours ago and because of the immense pain he was still in, it felt like he was dying now too. Every now and then he would shift in the bed, try and find a more comfortable position, but it only hurt even more as moving was exhausting and awfully painful. He wasn't hungry, not for food at least, but for painkillers... _ohyes! _He wasn't tired either, or maybe he was, just so much that he didn't notice anymore. And in that second he realized his mind wandered off again.

"Anyways, I need for you to tell my everything you remember from the bombing, since I've picked up the phone that the reporters can reach me on and I have to give them a story" Pepper shoved away her last question as she knew how stubborn Tony could be.

Tony just stared out in the air, as he was there but not, they were unfocused and Pepper wasn't sure where he was, but she continued to wait for an answer. Suddenly he started panting for air, he tried to be discrete and clench to the mattress, but Pepper knew him and she noticed. He leant his head backwards until it hit the wall and then he closed his eyes tightly together. His whole body slowly slid down until his head hit the pillows and the pain left for a few seconds before it came back and he continued clenching to the mattress while gritting his teeth and closing his eyes. He didn't want to see Pepper's reaction. He felt his whole body shiver uncontrolled as he tried to suppress the unbearable pain. This wasn't shivering in the same way that a cold person would shiver, this was the shivering that a person who had just survived a life changing trauma did. It continued like that for a few minutes, the pain coming and going until he was completely exhausted and fatigued and all he could do was panting for air and shiver while sweat made his skin flushed. He had found Pepper's hand long time ago and he clenched to it, he thought. Pepper understood that he tried to hold on tightly to her, but the fact was that she could've just backed away and he would let go, he was barely touching her hand with his. Tony laid on his stomach and his head was hidden in the pillow.

"I... I- I'm the one..." He tried to catch his breath and turned over to his side so that his back was facing Pepper, but he still held on to her hand. "The bomb... Me, I was just... Fury... I-I-I was panicking..." He didn't get to say more than that before Pepper's hand was gone and he fell asleep into the land of nightmares.

* * *

**Wow! How much bullshit is there possible to stuff into 3200 words? This was a bad chapter, really, I'll make it up to you next time, we have to get that bastard of a billionaire out of the bed now! Who's with me? :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**I almost feel like crying, did you know that? You are so lovely my readers! The story just continues picking up followers and favorites even though it's been going on for a while, I am so much more than greatful, I didn't really think it would get this good, I just thought ****_okay, a few reviews maybe and then a follower here and a favorite there. _****THANK YOU! I especially have to thank LaNaturalBreezeOf-Books, I laughed so hard at that review I almost fell of my chair, seriously. And Jimenush, you are one faithful reader aren't you? And of course everyone else who has reviewed and favorited and followed. Ok, I'm gonna shut up now... READ!**

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"Three minutes" That was what Tony woke up to, someone saying those two words.  
What was it supposed to mean? _Three minutes, _it didn't tell him anything. "That was how long you slept, three minutes" Now he understood a little bit more, but at the same time a lot less.

How was it possible to sleep for three minutes only when he was so exhausted and tired? Why the hell did he close his eyes and sleep at all? Three minutes was a short time to press in a hundred and forty six pictures of bad memories, but in some way his mind had succeeded to do so. Tony felt as if someone tried to squeeze his heart together to it was as small as a marble when he remembered what had happened and he winced. _Oh God she must be angry, sad... I've destroyed her life! _She knew very well that her job was to take care of Tony, and he blowing up the whole workshop and himself had to make her feel like a failure. He had been a wimp for long enough, he had ran away from his fears and trouble, it was time to be that man he was supposed to be, a man of iron...

"Are you mad?" He turned around to face her, but he quickly understood he shouldn't have. His expression and voice broke so that he seemed awfully pitiful and scared.

"Tony, as I said, I can't get mad at you" She said calmly and thought of what she had just seen, a Tony who was scared the hell out of because of those damn nightmares.

"Yes, you are. You're mad at me. You hate me" Now he sounded even more scared which also made Pepper scared.

"No, Tony, I do not... You need help, I can't be mad at you or hate you because of that" She quickly took his hand again. She'd been in shock when he said what he had done before he fell asleep and let go of him, now she regretted it.

"You can be mad, and you are, it's all my fault" Again Tony started feeling dizzy and his whole body ached, he couldn't deal with the guilt he felt.

What was wrong with him? Why did he have these delusions, why wouldn't he listen to her? She had to take him to see someone, a shrink, this couldn't go on. She placed a hand at his cheek and carefully turned his head in her direction so that his distant, tired and unfocused eyes met hers.

"No, listen... _listen _to me" She said strictly as she saw his eyes wander across the room. "I am not, but I will be if you keep saying so. I love you Tony and even though you do a lot of stupid things all the time I will always love you and never ever hate you" Pepper was a bit taken a back that he would actually say something like that, she could never, not in a thousand million years, hate him.

Tony didn't say anything more, he just fell asleep again and did so for about half an hour before he started to make weird sounds which freaked Pepper out. She sat in the brown stress less she had always been sitting in next to the bed and held his hand when he suddenly let go of it and started clenching to his pillow. He continued making weird sound while his whole body twitched under the duvet. The weird sounds started to make sense after a couple of minutes and Pepper understood that he was talking. _Shit, he's having a nightmare!_

"N-n... no. Everything, I'll give... every..." Pepper tried to calm him down and wake him up, but he just continued. "Mmph, ah, don't... lock up. Pepper!" She continued to try and wake him up, now even more frantically while she yelled his name.

He never got to that part when his eyes opened, but he stopped twitching and saying things, and his hand let go of the pillow, he just fell silent all of a sudden. The weird thing was that this just made Pepper worry even more, was he unconscious now? He had pulse, he was even breathing, but he just... he just slept. _Pepper, he's actually sleeping, let him. _And then she sat by his side for three more hours before she stood up and was about to leave to make herself something to eat when she saw that he started to twitch slightly and his hand clenched to the pillow again, but that was it. He let go of the pillow and continued breathing heavily. Pepper didn't mind about it and left the room to get to the kitchen. He had been sleeping uninterrupted for three hours now, she knew that three hours of _real _sleep and not unconsciousness over five days was way too little, so she could only beg for him to continue the peaceful sleep for a few more hours, if not minutes. She knew that at some point she had to get back to the Stark Tower to inform everyone about what was happening and get someone to fix the building, but travelling back and forth from East Hampton to Manhattan didn't just take a few minutes, and she couldn't leave Tony alone. When the CEO of Stark Industries was so sick that he couldn't even stand on his own, someone else had to get on top of the situation, that someone was her. She found out very quickly that there weren't any food or coffee in the house and that she had to go and buy some for both her and Tony. When had he been eating? She couldn't remember him eating since the night he came home. No wonder he looked a bit worse than he should. Well, since there was nothing more to do about it right now, she went back to the bedroom only to find that Tony had tossed the covers off of him and lay sweating in the bed in nothing more than his boxers and the bandages. He was still having a high fever and it had probably become too much for him even though Pepper had made sure the room was a bit chilly leaving the window ajar. She carefully laid the duvet over him again and he didn't move as much as a finger, he just kept sleeping on his back, slung across the whole bed. Pepper decided to let him sleep there alone, so she locked the door and sat down in the white leather sofa in the living room and turned on the TV. She looked at the clock which showed 4 am, but she didn't feel the slightest tired, she had to be awake when Tony woke up.

"_All we can ask ourselves is what has happened, why did it happen and where has Iron Man been for the last month?" _Pepper watched a recap from the news and her hand quickly covered her mouth as she almost let out a squeal.

For the first time Pepper unlocked the screen on her "Paparazzi phone" that Happy had gave her and saw the incredible amount of unanswered calls and messages. In a couple of hours they would start calling again and she would have to have the story straight. She tried to put herself in someone else's position, someone who hadn't been involved with Tony over the last month and the recent event. No one knew anything about what had happened because they hadn't got any chance to. When there had been about two weeks of silence from Iron Man the press had started calling, but for some reason they settled down with the fact that it was none of their business. Pepper thought he had quitted for forever, but she had understood over the last days that he had planned to just take a break. She should've probably understood that when he picked up some of the still repairable scraps from the Malibu Mansion, but he was a mechanic and his passion laid in tinkering, of course quitting that wasn't an option even though it didn't include the suits. He must've been really good at hiding it though, since not even Fury had understood he was going back...

* * *

Pepper searched through the news on her smart phone, all of them were interesting at the same time as none of them was. A whole lot of speculations and false facts about what happened at the Stark Tower and where Tony and she were, was written everywhere on the internet. Pepper couldn't stand reading all the crap that those cunning journalists wrote about, so she put the phone away and decided to go check on Tony. She shuffled tiredly over the floor from the sofa to the bedroom and tried to open the door carefully, but it really creaked a lot. Tony was snapped out of sleep and he was fully awake in an instant. Pepper took a step backwards when she saw the intense eyes that followed her. Was he going to go completely nuts and delusional again? Slowly a big grin spread on Tony's face. There were no more bouncing head ache, nothing squeezing his heart, no more fever and no more nausea. He felt completely rested, and with that in his mind he jumped quickly out of bed. Pepper hurried over to him as she saw that he was about to fall over and she supported him while he bent over and vomited all over the wooden floor.

"Guess I'm still a bit dizzy" He mumbled and laid his head heavily on Peppers shoulder. _He's just way too cute, _she thought.

"But you look much better Tony, let's get you in the shower" He nodded tiredly, pushed himself away from her and started shuffling out in the corridor and towards the bathroom. "Tony, the bandages, we need to take them off first" Tony stopped and winced at the thought, but fell back into Pepper's arms who helped him back on the bed.

He sat on the edge of the bed, still just in his boxer. The arc reactor made that low humming sound which made him sway a bit, the sound was actually sort of pleasant listening to when you were tired. Pepper quickly supported him when she saw that he almost laid down on the bed to sleep again. She took hold of the loose end of the bandage around his stomach and started loosening it.

"Ow! ow ow ow ow ow!" Tony jerked away from her and suddenly he felt a lot more awake.

Pepper just sighed and moved after him, continuing to rip of the bandage as if Tony was just a dog that didn't like her taking it off. She rolled the bandage further and further off untill she started to see the red spots on it and she hesitated a bit. Did she really want to see this? What if it hadn't healed anything at all, and everything were just pus and bruises and... No, she had to take it off. When she came to that part were the bandage were fastened to the skin, Tony started clenching to her upper arm and gritting his teeth.

"I may take the part about the big shard being the most painful thing I've ever experienced back... this is'nt bearable" Pepper tried to shake herself loose from the grasp he had around her arm, that might be the most painful thing she'd ever been put through, but he didn't let her go, and it was okay, they were even then.

The loose skin around the wound sticked to the bandage and Tony lent forward to try and ease the pain, didn't work... In an instant the bandage let go so that Pepper almost fell of the bed, but she managed to stay. The wound looked great, it didn't bleed anymore, there weren't pus at all and it had actually started to heal. She looked at it, pleased with herself and how she'd managed to actually fix something by herself, before she continued with the hands that were also looking good. When they were finished, Pepper helped Tony up from the bed and he shuffled out in the corridor again. He walked right beside of the wall, stopping every now and then when he gagged, and held on to the wall to support himself. Pepper just stood in the doorway with her hands crossed and rolling her eyes, watching Tony try to be the superhero he was supposed to be. He looked so vulnerable, with the wounds all visible and the way he just shuffled dow the hall half-naked. When he finally reached the bathroom door he stopped and looked over his shoulder.

"How long?" He asked with a hoarse voice.

"Nine hours" She smiled at him to show that she was kind of proud that he managed to sleep for such a long time, he just nodded in response. "Now, don't do anything stupid in there!" Her tone was sarcastic, but a frown was starting to show between her eyebrows and revealed that she was serious. Once again he didn't say anything, he just smiled reassuringly and shuffled ahead into the bathroom.

* * *

"Sir, we've managed to track them down, do you want me to send someone over there?" The man looked up at his boss from the computer that showed a blinking, red dot placed at East Hampton.

"No, I think we'll just do it on our own" A cheeky smile appeared on his face.

* * *

"What do you suggest that we tell them?" Pepper sat in the sofa with Tony's head in her lap, he was back in his jeans, but he was shirtless as there was nothing in the house, in terms of clothing, that would fit him. He was neatly tucked in in a woolblanket though, just to keep warm.

"I was working on one of my suits when it suddenly over killed and blew up" He replied simply.

"That's a big _explosion _for a little over kill, Tony..." She said to him, imitating the nosy Christine Everhart.

"Well, considering the fact that the suit is full of highly explosive weapons, it could've actually been even greater. Sort of backfired a bit, right?" He looked challenging at her.

"There's been a lot of... weird... incidents lately, like the fact that you were dumped outside the Stark Tower with your hands tied up and that Iron Man just disappeared for a month before being spotted by some witnesses flying towards Kings Point. Also, now you're just gone, all of a sudden, after what happened with the tower and no one have heard from you before now, you have a lot to explain my dear Mr. Stark" She continued the teasing tone, writing down what he said and other possible stories on a notepad.

"For your record, miss, I had a little vacation. I know that I privatized world peace and all that jazz, but seriously, can't the US military save the world without me just once? I'm just like you... no, wait, I'm not, but I deserve a break every now and then too without it getting the hottest news on the planet. Unless I go to Hawaii and walk shirtless around on the beach, then I would understand... Anyways, what happened that night I was dumped outside the tower is something I would like not to talk about as it is a subject that makes me edgy. I am just fine now, but I am trying to recover after the explosion, and you'll never get to know where because I'm not a particular fan of being around you, or you being around me. Thank you" Tony closed his eyes and smiled triumphantly.

"Wow, did you plan for this all along or did you just make it all up right now? Because then I might have to start calling you the king of improvisation!" She regretted the last sentence as soon as she'd said it, because Tony suddenly sat up and looked at her with that "_So you're finally admitting that I am awesome?" _look. "Okay, I've ignored these conversations for long enough, time to start answering, don't leave this sofa, stay with me" She pleaded and Tony nodded fast and encouraged.

After a while Tony could hear that Pepper didn't need his help, she did perfectly great, and it was incredibly boring to listen to it. The TV had been on all the time, with news of Iron Man, Tony Stark and the Stark Tower flashing all over it, and he turned up the volume just a bit more to irritate her. He decided to lie down on the couch again and just follow her by his gaze so that eventually she'd be so stressed out by it she'd just hang up. He wasn't wrong.

"Sorry, that's all the information I can give for the moment, thank you for understanding" She hung up the phone and stared at it for a few seconds before her flaming eyes shoot against Tony. "What is wrong with you? I'm trying to clean up your mess here, would you let me?" _Oh this is something else, this is fun! _Tony thought. "Is there something you want to talk about?" Suddenly her eyes softened and she sat down next to Tony who had quickly sat up when she hung up the phone.

"No, not really. I just thought this was very boring, and I'm hungry, and I don't want you to talk to all of those shitty persons. They have enough now, they can exchange information if they don't think they've got enough. Soon they're going to want a press conference and then interviews, which I am not going to attend to, just as you know!" Tony pointed a finger against her and Pepper laughed softly.

"Okay, okay, I'll leave them for an hour or so. Happy can get us some food, he's still in New York, so it'll take a while though. Poor Happy, he's been through a lot lately... I think we own him an apology" Tony nodded thoughtfully at the suggestion.

He _had _been through a lot, the bombing... or extremisgoingwrong thing that made him fall into a coma, being head of security, picking up a destroyed Tony from a house with a dead man in it and the fact that they hadn't explained a shit to him after he drove them to Pepper's house, he had just left. The worst part was that he had taken it incredibly good, he might not be the best boxer, but he had a mind of steel, Tony felt like a wimp when he thought of how he had dealt with all that had happened. _Yes, _they owned him an apology. Pepper must've seen the hard look on Tony's face as he was thinking his mind off, because suddenly her hand was on his shoulder.

"Are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about?" She had that understanding, motherly look on her face.

"Except from the fact that I am terrified of the thought that I can get one of these panic attacks again, and that every time I close my eyes I see pictures and I get the feeling of being trapped and locked up, and that I can't get over the fact that I was thinking of hurting myself but that deep down it might've been a death wish? I knew I was a bit self destructive, people tell me that all the time, but this much?" He said real fast, almost whispering as concern rose in his body. What met him next was really confusing.

"Tony, there's nothing wrong with you at all, it's called being claustrophobic, there's a whole load of people out there who is. When I was a little girl I remember not daring to stand in an elevator together with other people, it gave me a bad feeling, knowing that I couldn't run away or fight it if someone would attack me or something" She almost laughed as she said the whole thing, but then she saw the confused look at Tony's face. "It's good news Tony, it-" Suddenly Peppers expression hardened and her throat pursed together.

Her eyes fastened at something behind Tony's back and he quickly forgot everything they had talked about and turned around as fast as he could.

"Thought this was the place you were hiding Stark, guess I was right"

* * *

**Yeaaah, he's officialy out of bed, yay! He's even doing good, he's rude as hell and the humour is back. Now, if we could just find a way to get rid of those anxiety attacks, the nightmares are better at least, but we need to get rid of those too. Work has started again and I'm working 8 hours a day + it's one hour each way to work + I have my horses to train + I'm training myself too... I'll try and put in some writing when I've got time for it. Now REVIEW and tell me what you think, if there is ****_anything, _****just a little irritating thing that should be improved, TELL MEEEEH, I want to get a better writer. Thank you for reading ;D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Heey guys! It's been *coughcoucgh* four *coughcough* days since last update.. OMG IT'S TOO MUCH. When I see how this goes I start wondering about how it's going to be when school starts again... Anyways, thanks for staying tuned and for all the reviews! **

* * *

If it was one thing Pepper had learned out of being a business woman it was to remain calm. Anger could flow through the whole of her body, but it would never surface and no one would ever notice that she was even a bit irritated. Now this was something else, and she couldn't suppress it this time. Her eyes had blackened and they were cold and hard, she quickly turned around to exchange looks with Tony, but that didn't happen. His eyes were frozen on the man in front of them and they were also showing extreme anger, but Pepper saw something else in them that she had never ever seen before, something that didn't fit into Tony's warm, brave, brown eyes. _Fear and terror. _Behind the mask of anger Pepper could catch a glimpse of pure terror against the man who stood right in front of them. Tony had turned in to stone, completely unable to move at all. _Don't do anything to me, don't do anything to me, leave me alone, go a_way, no more, it's enough! Tony tried to get back to real life, but he couldn't, he just couldn't shake himself out of the gaze he had on the man that had just interrupted their important conversation. Pepper alternated between watching Tony and the two men that stood with wet shoes in the middle of her living room and waited for either of them to do something. She understood that Tony, who's mouth had now dropped, would not be the one to say something first.

"Take her out" The smallest of the two men nodded quickly and walked towards Pepper and took a firm grip around her arm.

"Let. Her. Go" Tony said warningly, his eyes were still frozen on the man in front of him, though he didn't actually look him in the eyes, he looked distant, like he did when he got one of those attacks.

Another firm grip found place around Pepper's other arm, this time it was Tony who held on to her. The other man did an attempt at dragging her with him, but it was futile. Tony had such a hard grip around her that moving her would be just the same thing as trying to move a mountain. It actually started hurting a bit for Pepper and she tried to get eye contact with him to show him that it did, but his gaze was just as frozen now as before. What was just a glimpse of fear had now become almost the whole of his expression, he was terrified, and he didn't want to be alone with the man, she understood that, but he had to do this.

"Tony, it's okay, they won't hurt me, they won't hurt you, just let me go with him" She had managed to break loose from the other man's grip and put her hand on Tony's shoulder who finally looked up at her and released his own grip.

Pepper couldn't anything to it but release a sigh of relieve when he did, that would become a bruise eventually, she just knew. Seconds later she was on her way out of the house and in to a large, black range rover. It was heartbreaking to walk out of there and see Tony sit on that sofa looking like a child whose parents just left him alone in the park, but she understood that it was something important even though she was still furious on the man that just strutted into her house and thought he owned it.

* * *

"Don't look so terrified, you do remember who gave you all of those bruises and rashes and wounds, don't you?" Tony didn't reply, he just staggered backwards on the sofa as the man came closer and closer. Why wouldn't he back off? "I knew you were self destructive, it was one of the reasons for why you weren't approved for The Avengers Initiative, but this much? Do you realize you could've killed yourself only by the fact that the bomb slammed you into the wall?" He wasn't kidding when he said he had an eye on him all the time, but this was _way _too close to stalking.

"I-I... it wasn't supposed to..." Tony's brain wouldn't cooperate and everything just came out as a horrified whisper.

He was soon reaching the end of the sofa, and he was about to stand up on his feet and get away when the big guy suddenly stood tall over him and reached a finger out for the arc reactor. Tony wanted to launch forward and tackle the idiot, but his shortness of breath quickly reminded him that he wasn't one hundred percent healed yet. The finger touched the contraption and Tony's hand was at his arm at once, holding so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"D-don't... don't you dare touching me Fury!" Anger had now taken over some of the fear that was inside of him and he felt that he actually _could _launch forward and give him a fist right in his face.

"Hey, hey, hey, relax Stark. I am just coming to say that I expect you back in New York in maximum two days, if you're not there by then... I'll drag you back there myself" Fury's voice wasn't threatening or low anymore, it had a high, sarcastic tone as he always had when he demanded something he knew no one would like. "You need to get back Tony. I believe Senator Stern is going to ask questions again soon, and I've already told you that you're not the centre of my universe, so you'll have to fix that yourself. Just an advice... clean yourself up until then" He backed off of Tony and sat down next to him, suddenly much more serious. "She's going to ask you a lot of questions, so you should be prepared to talk about the fact that you killed a S.H.I.E.L.D member" He referred to Pepper.

"You know what Fury? There's something that isn't as it should be right there... Why would he use his whole name, tell me that he was both a doctor and a physicist and use his own home to operate me in? S.H.I.E.L.D could've done it in a million other ways so that the chances of me killing him were close to zero, but you didn't" Tony's voice had now gotten on a threatening tone.

"It didn't even occur to any of us that you were capable to just kill someone out of anger Stark, we didn't think you would sink so low. It was Harlan's idea, and it was an easy way to do it" Fury sighed aloud. "Not more than two days, and then you'll have to be back at the Stark Tower"

He didn't really say any more than that, he just left. Tony sat stiff in the sofa, waiting for the fear to completely vanish and for his pulse to slow down. He was alive and sort of unharmed, and then his thoughts went to Pepper and he panicked slightly, not knowing if she was unharmed, but she came back on the sofa seconds after and turned on the TV without throwing as much as one little glance at Tony.

"_Iron Man is still alive, but sources are telling that he is recovering from the explosion at the Stark Tower which we now have got confirmed that he was involved with. When Tony Stark aka. Iron Man can't even protect himself, can we trust him to protect us?" _Pepper silently turned the TV off again, but she continued staring blankly at the black screen.

"We need to talk" Tony didn't understand what there was to talk about, they knew this was going to happen, they absolutely did. "Everything, not one single thing is going to be omitted Tony. You are going to tell me everything you haven't told me yet" Now her eyes were fixated on him, her eyes telling that she probably knew more than Tony had told her already.

"I still see creepy pictures from the last years... uhm, and the anxiety attacks are still as threatening as they were before, my whole body is soar because of the wounds, but I'll live... I think the explosion sent me right into the wall, and because of that my back has an enormous bruise that hurts a lot, there's rings surrounding my heart and keeping it from beating without the arc reactor, I had planned to go back as Iron Man all along... let's see... I think that's all!" He said all of it really fast so that Pepper didn't have the chance to hear all of it.

Tony knew he didn't tell her about Harlan, because telling her would mean admitting to himself that he was a murderer and that he actually had done it.

"Rings, what rings, why didn't you tell me? I sorted out about you going back to Iron Man myself, but what would happen if you suddenly laid there on the ground without the arc reactor and I wouldn't understand anything? Why do you do this?" Pepper was frustrated and scared, why couldn't he think about what was the best for him just for once?

"He wants me to go back to New York within two days..." Tony didn't want to talk about all of those things that was supposed to mean a lot, so he tried to change topic, and he succeeded.

"Well, I was sort of planning to ask you if you wanted to go back anyways. Was that all he came to tell you?" It was strange how Pepper suddenly had calmed down and was all casual again.

"mmm" Tony mumbled.

"Huh, that was weird, he usually has something important to tell when he actually shows up in person" Okay, she was still digging, he hadn't succeeded.

"He said that Senator douche bag is planning on asking me questions again, bet it's the same questions as the lady on the news asked" Tony had a somewhat worried look on his face, something Pepper noticed.

"Come on, you outsmarted him once, you can do that again. As you said, he's a douche bag and he doesn't know how to play a game" She knew encouraging him to do something stupid was wrong, but she also knew that it was the only thing that worked.

Tony thought about it for a while. He _had _outsmarted him once, that was true, but that time he hadn't hurt himself which was the obvious problem now. How was he going to get away with that? Saying that if saving the country meant that he had to get a few scars, it was worth it? Hey... that may actually work! Everyone thought of him as a philanthropist, so why not?

"No, you're right, he doesn't. I'm going to take him down before I've even walked in the door to that courtroom" Suddenly he sounded extremely optimistic, and Pepper understood that she shouldn't have encouraged him, but what was done was done, and in one way or another it would turn out good, hopefully...

_Good, one problem solved, then it was all the others. _Their conversation got interrupted of a certain Nick Fury, and that conversation was pretty important to both of them, she had to try and resume it.

"About the anxiety attacks-" Pepper started slowly, but she didn't get to finish.

"It... doesn't matter, you have so much to think about and I don't want your pretty, little head to bother with it. I'll just get some medicine for it and-"

"Tony, you can get medicine, but remember that this is a mental problem and... Do you want to know what I did when I got scared in those elevators?" Tony looked expectantly on her. "I closed my eyes really hard, and then I counted to ten while I took five deep breaths, when I opened my eyes again it was okay. There were still big, scary men in there, and the elevator was still closed and going either up or down, but it was okay because I knew that I could breathe, and as long as I could... I had to be ok" Pepper was lying, when she was little and afraid of going into elevators she had rather walked the stairs. At some point she had told herself to grow up and deal with it and after that it was ok, but she hoped for this to work too, as this was something quite different.

Tony nodded slowly, he wasn't all sure if it would help, but he would take any advice at this moment.

"It doesn't make sense that I'm supposed to be claustrophobic though, I've had anxiety attacks in the middle of a big room" This made Pepper's brain work at full speed.

"I guess you feel trapped... The arc reactor, you talked about some rings that prevent the heart from beating... Maybe you feel like your life is depending on the arc reactor when you deep down don't want it in your life anymore?" This made Tony's brain work at full speed, and in the end it agreed to Pepper's explanation.

He sighed loudly and laid back down in Pepper's lap, right now it actually felt like thing was going to get better, it was just that one thing...

* * *

_One, two, three... breath... four... breathe... five, six, seven, eight, nine... breathe... ten. Ok, maybe eleven._ Tony opened up his eyes that were squeezed shut and realized that he actually was breathing, a bit ragged, but oxygen went down his lungs and when he remembered to let it out, it went out again too. He didn't feel trapped anymore, he didn't feel like he couldn't move, breathe or do anything at all, he felt _free. _Pepper came in the same moment as he got completely calm and put down a plate with two toasts on it. Tony couldn't have cared less about what was on them though, he started to feel much better so that he could now focus on something else than the pain, even though feeling how hungry he was, was pain too. His plate was empty in seconds, while Pepper's wasn't even touched, she was talking in her cell phone with some reporter again. She raised her eyebrows against her plate did one fast nod against it, trying to tell Tony that it was meant for him. Tony, however, didn't buy it, two plates for four toasts? In my ass. His eyebrows rose too and he gave Pepper a dull look. She waved it off and went back to her conversation. Once again Tony got bored of it and headed into the kitchen when he suddenly stopped and backed a few steps back again so he could look properly out of a window. What was the Rolls Royce doing here? He had not agreed to go back to New York already, it was two days too early, he wouldn't leave until the very last second he had to. His stomach wrenched at the thought, so much that it actually felt like a wave of nausea. He walked back again to the couch and sat silently down next to Pepper. It took him exactly two seconds to throw himself her way, grab her phone and throw away on the floor.

"I'll buy you a new one" He added to his movement when he saw Pepper's shocked face. "I'm not going back Pepper... not yet" His face turned into a frown and Pepper felt like just squeeze him in her embrace, but something held her back.

"Why?" She blurted out, but she regretted it at once, she should've just respected his wish and kept quiet.

"Because what you said worked, and what if it won't when I'm back in New York and everything reminds me of the existential fact that the arc reactor is powering me and my life?" He sounded genuinely upset.

"You don't know if that's going to happen, Tony-"

"But what if it does, then what?"

"Then we'll see... It's not the end of the world Tony. For now this is working and let's believe it will when we get back too" She smiled softly to him, something that always worked reassuring. "Oooh, you thought... Happy was just here to give us the food, we can wait for another two days Tony" Now a lighter, more playful smile was on her lips.

"Good, great... I need more of those toasts then!" Pepper rolled her eyes and put her plate in his lap before she took the empty one out in the kitchen to fill it up again.

* * *

Pepper mentally checked if she had everything she needed, before she walked into the bedroom where she had left Tony with his newly washed clothes, telling him to dress up before they were going back. When she came back into the room he had put on his jeans and shirt. His shirt was unbuttoned and because of that she could see the bandage had blood scattered on it. Pepper sent Tony a confused and upset look, hoping to get the same back, but the only thing she got was a tired gaze.

* * *

**WHAT!? What sort of way is that to end a chapter!? This will be the last chapter with a bit of whump and angst in it until the last chapters, since I sort of have an idea of how this is going to continue and end. I'm wondering if I should make a Sherlock Holmes fanfic when I'm finished with this, it would be so awesome too challenge my mind a bit and you know... make up my own little mystery and learn how to write in different ways, you know with the old language and everything. Anyways, review and tell me what you think! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! Thank you sooo much for reviews, favs and follows, means a lot like always. Here's a new chapter, just for you!**

* * *

"What happened?" Pepper asked, still upset

"I don't want to go back" Tony fiddled with his fingers to avoid eye contact, because he might've died if he made that.

"_What? _You did this to yourself!?" Pepper hissed at him, she had changed from scared to furious in seconds.

"Not... not exactly on purpose... it sort of... i-it itches" Tonys eyes was still fixated on his hands, he knew that what he said wouldn't ease Pepper's mind.

"Tony, we're going back, no matter if you are fully healed or not. Either you get back there yourself or I will force you!" Her CEO voice was now turned on.

"And how exactly are you going to do that?" Tony asked cockily, finally looking up at her.

"Either I do it or Fury does it, your choice" She crossed her arms and waited for him to answer, it took a few seconds but only because his anger needed time to evolve enough for him to say what he wanted.

"You've got no idea what this is like! It's like... like I'm not allowed to be happy, to have a good time, to _live _my _life" _Pepper got taken aback by how angry he seemed, and he saw it, but he continued anyways. "My life was great, my career was on top, and then Afghanistan happened. I got home, I became Iron Man, saved the world and then Obie happened. I fixed it, revealed that I was in fact Iron Man, got even more famous and had a great time and then the palladium poisoning, Whiplash and Hammer happened. That got fixed too and the best thing that has happened in my life this far happened... I got you..." He pointed at her and took a little break. "We built the Stark Tower and then Manhattan happened, that worked out fine too and I got friends during the process... for the first time in Idon'tknowhowmanyyears I got real friends that I trust, but then I got anxious and I had nightmares all the time... _all the time. _We fixed that in the end and I was really happy for about four weeks before Harlan happened. Finally I can handle the anxiety or claustrophobia attacks, call it what you want, and now you want to drag me back to New York where there's no guarantee for me to be able to handle them. Even the nightmares may get worse" Tony was breathing as if he had just been running a marathon, and his whole body was shaking of arousal.

Pepper's anger vanished at once when she heard his side of the story... _the reality, _but it came back just as quickly. When you were around Tony, you had to be angry if you wanted him to listen, and she would _not _be gentle with him.

"Anthony Edward Stark, you don't know that! There's no guarantee for anything in life, not even us being alive tomorrow. You need to take this step by step and deal with what's happening if and when it's happening, not assume that everything is going to plunge down before you've even tried" Pepper talked to him as if he was an ignorant, little child, and she didn't spare him for anything.

Tony fell silent, but the anger hadn't quiet left his body yet and he was still breathing fast. It wasn't fair, not at all. Finally he had told her everything about how he _actually _felt it, and she knew that he hated to tell about his problems and other things that made him appear weak and vulnerable. Wasn't this what she wanted? If not, then ok, he would go back to keeping everything a "secret", maybe it was better that way anyways, then Pepper didn't have to worry.

"Rather get away from here before Fury comes then... seeing him more than once every second year makes me sick, twice in one week would be enough to give me a blackout" Tony tried to make a joke out of it, something that probably didn't please Pepper as she just shook her head and walked away.

He thought they had sorted this out now, had she just been kind to him because she had pitied him? It wasn't a lie that it had started itching, but he might've just scratched a little bit more than necessary. He couldn't understand that it was so terribly wrong being a bit scared, and for once actually tell her instead of just suppressing it. Tony realized that it would just be easier not to think about it, so he just started buttoning his shirt and put his socks on. What would he do without a helpful Happy who gave him everything he needed? In this case, clean clothes... Tony tried to stay up from the bed to put on his shoes and go outside to the Rolls Royce, but mid air he fell down onto it again. Ok, so maybe scratching it all up wasn't such a good idea after all. He slid over the bed towards the wall and supported himself on it as he did another brave attempt at standing up. Ha was a bit shaky at first, but found at that it was just standing up that was the hard thing, not actually walking around with it. Tony was tired even though he had been sleeping very well the whole night through, why was it that Pepper always had to be so early on everything? He couldn't remember the last time she had slept longer than seven, maybe once in a while she would sleep until seven fifteen, but that was only on very rare occasions. The sneakers stood there waiting for him in the hallway and he lazily slipped into them and walked out in the fresh winter air. _You could've brought me a jacket, pal, _he thought as he shivered, running to the car. A flow of warmth hit him when he opened the door and he hurriedly sat down and closed the door. Pepper came shortly after and then Happy drove slowly away from the place.

"I'm so sorry for-" Pepper and Tony said together, and then they changed confused looks.

"_We _are so sorry for everything that has happened... You have been so very reliable and patient all this time despite what happened to you, and we want you to know that we're grateful for it" Tony finished what they had started.

"Happy, you've been very brave all this time, it must have been a huge strain for you, what happened that night and going right back as head of security afterwards. If there is anything we can do for you..." Pepper felt that Tony's apologize was too formal, perhaps what Happy needed was just someone to trust.

"I'll let you know, thank you boss" Happy replied shortly and focused on the driving.

Pepper and Tony once again changed looks, but this time it was a concerned one. Tony just shrugged and turned his attention to the window, just as Pepper did too.

* * *

Someone had to fix that elevator, and it had to happen right now. Walking the remaining stairs up to the apartment was a waste of time. Fixing the workshop would be first priority though, Tony wasn't overly fond of having only three walls in there. _9 am. _Tony opened the door into the apartment, finding it completely clean and neat, but so cold that being outside wasn't really that a big difference.

"Dear god!" Pepper exclaimed and wrapped herself tighter into her coat, even Happy started shivering.

Sure, the whole front wall was off downstairs, how could they think that the place would be possible to live in?

"Weird how the e-exact same words crossed my-my mind-d too..." Tony's teeth were chattering. "Well th-there would be no r-rea-s-son to stay her-e" All of them quickly went out to the stairs again and shut the door. "Well, seems like this wasn't such a good idea after all!" Tony lowered his shoulders and started half running half jumping down the stairs.

"There's other apartments!" Pepper yelled after him, a little smirk passing her lips as she understood what he wanted but that she would win the eventual discussion.

Tony stopped in the middle of the stair and sighed loudly before he turned slowly around.

"Okay, okay, let's just find another one in this maze of a building then" Now his head hung low and he just shuffled down the rest of the stairs to the elevator to show his opinion.

Pepper had to laugh a little to herself, he was adorable, indeed.

* * *

A sharp ring from a telephone cut of his concentration which was directed at all the papers on the brown wooden table. Stern sighed loudly and cursed himself for not plugging out that phone several hours ago, he would never get finished with his work.

"Yes" He said a bit annoyed.

"Twelve hours, I'm going to have that answer within twelve hours, or else it's going to be a trial" Stern straightened himself up a bit and cleared his throat when he understood who he was talking with.

"I'll ask for an appointment right away, Sir"

"You better" And then there was a buzzing sound.

Stern leaned back in his chair and ran his hands over his head. He _had _to get that appointment, he couldn't afford being humiliated in the court like that one more time. He took a deep breath, dialled the number and picked up the receiver. There was three rings and then a female voice spoke up.

"Stark Industries, how can I help you?"

"This is Senator Stern, I need to talk to Mr. Stark immediately" He replied with his normal, confident business voice.

"Yes, of course, I'll put him on the line" She almost sounded a bit frightened, but she said it with a firm voice anyhow.

Stern didn't have to wait for long before the voice that he so utterly hated the owner of was talking. It didn't mean anything to him what he said or _tried _to say, he was going to get straight to the point.

"I need to make an appointment with you, just a little meeting about something very important" Stern cut Tony off midsentence when he was talking about something with the suit.

"Yes, I've been warned about that, and I'll gladly show up to make a fool out of you once more" Tony almost hated the man as much as he "sort of hated" Fury, but it was fun teasing him anyways.

"I don't think you understand Mr. Stark, should we take it my place or your place?" This confused Tony, a private meeting? It also made him curious, what was he planning on now?

"My place, my apartment to be more precise" Stern smirked, almost flattered about the fact that Tony wanted to take it that far when he didn't even know what he was up to.

"Fine, I'll be there at four" And with that he hung up and started making a plan on how to succeed.

* * *

"It isn't a question, it's more of a demand that you come over to our side"

"If you haven't noticed yet, I have a lovely girlfriend" Tony was very satisfied with his answer when he saw the Senator grit his teeth.

"What we mean Stark is that we need for you to leave the... _Avengers_... and become one of us, a part of the US government" Stern laid extra pressure on the word _Avengers_, as if he wanted to express how much he despised them.

"I'd rather spare myself the humiliation, thank you" Tony walked nonchalantly towards a cabinet with windows, displaying several expensive drinks. He poured himself and his beloved guest a scotch and out it down on the coffee table placed between two brown leather chairs. "It's not of any interest to me, or Stark Industries, to become a part of the US army and government through the suit. When you can't have the suit, you obviously can't get me _and _the suit" Tony poured the whole drink into his mouth in one sip, leaving the Senator very little impressed.

"As said, , this is not a question, it's a demand" A file was placed on the table, stamped with two words saying _Iron Man._

"And if I refuse?" Tony flinched as he said so, some anx... claustrophobia attack threatening pictures showed up in his mind. _Water, the arc reactor, a horrible feeling of being held down, drowning. _

"We can give you protection and psychological help, _Iron Man_, and after the recent events I've understood that you might need just that" A sceptical look was sent Stern's way, and Tony picked up the file.

Information about everything that had happened the last few days, all since Harlan and until the night he blew himself up, was written in black and white on the papers resting in Tony's hands. Worst of all... the fact that he killed Harlan was there too, and it put him out completely. He was threatened into leaving the Avengers... At first he didn't want to become one of them, but they were a team now, and they'd been through a whole lot together now, leaving them wasn't an option. What would they think of him then? The reality slowly came clear to Tony, there wasn't any way out of this unless he wanted for everyone to know his darkest secrets and destroy the already worn thin relationship he had with Pepper.

"I need time to think" Was everything Tony managed to say, his misty eyes glued to the file.

"You've got eight hours Stark" The man didn't even Mr him this time, he just grabbed the file harshly and turned on his heel, he was gone before Tony even noticed.

It was either turning himself and the suit into the US army, no longer being a private super hero that saves the world, or it was destroying his whole life, reputation and loosing the most important thing in his life: _Pepper. _He knew that he couldn't do this alone, Fury had to help him somehow, he just had a feeling that told him he would be doing this without him. Bruce, he would help him, yes, he was one of his best friends, of course he would help. But how? _Oh, never mind, this is a fight you have to deal with on your own._ He could just get the file again and burn it, but they would have copies, of course. Stern was an idiot, but not naive, he would have copies. _Delete all evidence. _This couldn't happen, he would _not _work for the US government, then he would rather destroy the suit and kill himself. They would use him as a toy, a toy to play with the other countries with, threaten them to back away. He would be nothing more than another weapon to them, another weapon no one else would have. And if they kept the file they could push him into letting scientists put their dirty paws on what was keeping him alive. And then he would be trapped again, he would be forced to, threatened and trapped into coming with them, and if he refused they would probably pursue him and then go public with the information. _One, two, three, four... ten._ Tony let out one long, shaky breath and was about to go pour another scotch when he felt that immense pain in his side again. _Banner._

* * *

"Did you know that _we_ have feelings too?" He talked in his low, hushed voice that always soothed Tony a bit if he was stressed._  
_  
"I was egoistic and didn't think of anyone else than me, as usual, right?" He sent Bruce an apologizing smile. "Yikes!" Tony hissed as the needle went deep down into his skin.

Lucky for Tony that Bruce had gone in exile and operated as a doctor under less... fortunate circumstances. They didn't have access to any special equipment for patching up a guy right now, but a needle, thread and some rinsing fluid would work. His hands were very steady, and he did a nice job, who needed hospitals when they had Bruce Banner? Even though sometimes Bruce would be the reason you had to go to the hospital and get checked... Tony really appreciated the relationship he'd got with Bruce. He had two real friends: Rhodey and Happy, a third one was very welcome into his life. They were so much alike, both trying to escape their past by turning into something else. At the same time they were nothing alike at all, which fit perfect, because the very energetic and childish Tony Stark turned into a calm and behaved man when he was around Bruce Banner, and the whole atmosphere was a delight to be a part of.

"He wants me to become one of them" Tony suddenly blurted out.

"mmm... what do you mean?" Bruce was concentrated about his work.

"Senator asshole, he wants me to resign the Avengers Initiative and become the governments secret weapon" Tony explained as if it was the most natural and harmless thing in the whole wide world.

"Which you won't do, of course..." Bruce didn't really pay that much attention to him, it just sounded like small talks in his ears.

"I'm afraid I don't have any choice" A sad whisper escaped Tony's lips as if when he said it out loud he finally confirmed it to himself too.

Bruce dropped the needle and took of his glasses. His head tilted to the right and he watched Tony with a grimace, uncertain of what to feel.

"What?" A little glimpse of green struck his eyes.

* * *

**So, I was wondering about something... Do you want someone to appear in this story that isn't there yet? (no crossover!) Because I was thinking of Rhodey, but I dont know...? Just come with suggestions and input and I'll see what I can do with your wishes. Hope for the next chapter to be up in 3-4 days. Love you my faithful readers!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's the next chapter, enjoooy it because there's going to be a long time until the next one's up. I'm sorry to say so, but I'm moving to start studying on sunday and it's going to take a while getting into routines and such y'know. I can't promise, but I'll try my best on putting up a new one before there's been 10 days.**

* * *

Tony couldn't anything to it but feeling a little bit threatened when he saw the green colour spread in his friends eyes.

"Whoa, calm down buddy, I'm working on it" Bruce relaxed again and picked up the needle from the floor, to Tony's relief. "You all know what happened right? What _really _happened?"

"That you blew yourself up? No, no we don't" A grin passed Bruce's face.

"What about all the other things? What I did to Harlan, one of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents, did you get to know that?" Tony turned around to face Bruce, so that he had to stop sewing.

"Right after you disappeared from the explosion, we had a meeting with Fury. He was babbling a lot like always, but he kept saying, almost on repeat, that he always had an eye on you. Because of that he knew everything that you had done and also he had seen and understood what you were going to do, but just minutes to late. The blow went off just when a squad from S.H.I.E.L.D were right around the corner. He also told us about what you did to Harlan, and what was up with the anxiety issues and all... There's not much we don't know about you now Tony" Tony turned back around in his chair, disappointed and feeling very vulnerable when everyone knew his secrets. "I don't judge you, nor do the rest, except from Steve, he can't quite understand why you would do such a horrible thing. Anyways, what you say is a bit weird, since I didn't know he'd let you know yet" Bruce seemed overly relaxed about their conversation and continued rinsing and sewing the wound.

"Know what?" Now Tony was _seriously _confused.

"That you're no longer part of the Avengers..." Bruce replied hastily.

What the hell? That was not what he meant, not at all! When did that happen? No one had told him anything about it, though it made perfectly sense. Tony had got a chance to prove that he was worth being a part of the Avengers, blowing himself up was just a confirmation to Fury's doubts about it being a good idea. To be part of something bigger, _a_ _team, _you had to be reliable and listen to what the other parts had to say, and Tony didn't cope with either of the two. He actually felt a little offended anyhow, he hadn't even been told yet, he had just been pushed out without getting the chance to even put in a protest.  
"I didn't... what? Do you think I would _convert _to those golden boys just because I was mad at you guys for not telling me?" His best friend thinking something like that about him was a thousand times worse than being kicked out of the Avengers.

Tony squealed and pulled himself away from Bruce as he missed when he put the needle into his skin. He quickly dragged it out again and pressed some paper against the gash to stop it from bleeding.

"I didn't say that... Would you do that?" He suddenly sounded much more interested in what Tony was talking about.

"No! I don't even want to become Stern's secret weapon, but he's threatening me with telling about Harlan to the public. What do I do Bruce?" Tony sounded sincerely upset.

"Well... I guess that the only reason why he wants you and the suit is because he lost the one he had"

Of course, that was it! When Tony blew up all his suits, the War Machine suit exploded too and the government was left with nothing. Rhodey was his ticket out of this, he had to make him a new suit and make him hand it over to the US army, everything would be fixed and they wouldn't need Tony. _Perfect. _Just that Rhodey hadn't been speaking to Pepper or Tony since that night, and Tony hadn't even offered one thought to the fact that he may was angry because the suit was blown to dust. He hadn't been contacted by anyone about this before now, and now they wanted _him_, was it too much to ask for a new one that Rhodey could get or was it just that they needed Tony on their side? Or was it the fact they knew he had been thrown out of the Avengers? This was Fury's plan, no doubt! Tony got off the chair without warning, causing the thread to break and some of the stitches to go up again. Tony was headed towards his earpiece lying on a table nearby while Bruce just stood speechless by the chair, shaking his head in resignation. Tony put the earpiece into his ear and turned it on, right when he was about to make a call to Fury, the sound of his voice made its way into Tony's ears.

"You've got a visitor" A few seconds later Fury stood in the apartment together with Bruce and Tony.

"Thank you for the warning, I guess?" Fury normally didn't say he would come, he just came when it fitted him.

"I heard some noises in here, and I didn't want to disturb anything" A hesitant look was sent from Fury to Bruce, and Tony couldn't hold back his grin.

"Get to the point, you're wasting my time" Tony's smile disappeared as fast as it had come and he sat back down in the chair to let Bruce finish.

"You're out of the Avengers" Fury didn't put too much into what he said.

"And then the news?" A careless voice replied Fury.

"And you're going to serve your country from the more 'reasonable' side" _Reasonable has never been a part of my vocabulary._

"No, no I'm not" Tony still pretended like he didn't care.

"Yes, yes you are"

"Listen, Rhodey will get his suit within a few days and then he can serve the country on the country's behalf as Wa... Iron Patriot once more, they won't need me" Tony waved a hand against Fury as if to say that they were finished talking.

The strange thing was... they actually were, because Fury hadn't foreseen that, he started to lose the grip. He was so sure that Tony was all broken after he killed Harlan and almost himself that he would never come back to New York, much less build a new suit. He had to admit to himself that Tony was indeed a very tough guy. Tough or not, he wasn't reliable and he was acting like a child all the time, a child Fury had to clean up after. He couldn't afford the risk to give him a second chance when in the first place he hadn't even intended to give him a first chance.

"I have an eye on you Stark" Was the only reply he gave, but not with the usual 'I am the master' voice, rather with a playful one.

"How do you keep track on everything else then?" Tony yelled after him, but he had already shut the door.

Had he just... did he just win? It was too easy... or maybe not, maybe he actually won this freaky game against Fury. He didn't have to work for the ass clowns, he didn't say it like... literally, but Tony didn't suck at interpreting people's behaviour either.

"Now, were where we darling?" Tony turned his head against Bruce and tried to suppress laughter. A little prick in his side quickly reminded him where they left it.

"Tony, come and sleep now" Pepper put a hand on his back and stroke it slowly up and down.

Tony dropped the pencil and turned off the soft, yellow light from the desk lamp, making the whole room go dark, before he gave Pepper a light kiss and took her in his arms. He ran towards the bedroom door, with a laughing Pepper holding tightly around his neck, and kicked it open before he walked solemnly inside and put Pepper carefully down on the bed.

"Welcome... to the new Stark Mansion" He flung his arms out to the side and kneeled down on the bed to give Pepper another kiss.

She melted into his embrace and his warm, soft lips. It was so good to have him back, to know that things were okay, that he was coping with it. The ever brave and spontaneous Tony Stark she knew was finally back, having taken over for the broken down and vulnerable version. She felt safe together with him now and it was a feeling she had been hungering for the last few days. Tony gave her one last, passionate kiss before he went to the bathroom to get ready to sleep... oh, well, sleep may not be the right word for it. This was the first time Tony really dared to look at himself in the mirror since he was in the elevator that morning he blew himself up. It didn't look to bad, really, his face looked almost untouched except from some blue, purple and yellow spots here and there and the small wounds on the rest of his body had started healing very well. The only thing that didn't look so good was the big, stitched gash on his side. It was sewn with a blue thread, in lack of a better option, but Bruce had clever hands, it was neatly done and there was seemingly no infection or blood around it. Tony knew it would take time to heal anyways, and it stung every time something got in contact with it, just taking off or on the t-shirt was a painful process. Cold water was running down in the sink and Tony splashed it onto his face several times before he dried it with a warm, dry towel. Earlier the same day he thought he would be sitting in complete silence, thinking over his horrible life when the evening came. He was so sure that he would have to work for Senator Stern and his bosses and minions that he was completely out of it, if it hadn't been for Bruce he would've never come up with the idea of Rhodey. Damn, so there was a reason for him not to completely relax. Rhodey had been so busy with schooling people at weapons technology that he hadn't been talking to Tony at all, not one phone call had been made from either of them. There was no point in hiding it from himself, but it hurt deep into Tony's soul when he admitted to his own mind that he had forgot all about Rhodey afterwards. How could he even, after he saved the president and all? No wonder if he was angry, bitter even. The digital clock on the mirror showed 10:40 PM, he could still make that call.

"Honey, I have to make a call, can this wait?" Tony pleaded.

"Tony, you're allowed to take some time off too you know. You don't need to get straight back to work at once, relax a bit, you need it" Soft eyes met Tony's pleading ones who had now filled up with sadness.

"It's Rhodey, Pep, I'm sorry" He looked down at his feet, hoping she would understand.

Pepper just nodded in agreement and gave him a slight smile, and then she turned off the lights and buried herself under the duvet. Tony sighed, he never got to that part when he and Pepper could just relax and let the world run its course, there was always something in the way. This was more important than anything else that earlier had come in the way though, this was one of his best friends, he couldn't just sit around and let him slip away.

_

_The Starkster, _James Rhodes mouth turned into a big grin when he saw who was calling and he didn't think twice when he pushed the green button.

"Hey Tone! Almost thought you were dead, it's been a long time" Rhodey was so happy that he finally called, the thought about his friend being dead had in fact passed his mind several times.

"Hey platypus, how are you?" Tony was relieved to hear that he wasn't angry.

"There's been a whole load to do down here, you won't even imagine. There's new students here, and they're a pack of stupid kids, all of them, you knew more than them when you where five dude. Also there is a lot to do without the suit, y'know, but it's working, we coped without it once too you know" He laughed into the phone, just happy to hear his friend's voice. "I would've come to check up on you and all, but I've been trapped in work down here"

"Nah, it's okay Rhodey, I've been sort of... busy... myself. We need to meet so that you can catch up with what's happening, because you missed a lot pal" Tony tried to sound happy and relaxed, but he was extremely afraid of how his best friend would take the new information he knew he was about to bring to him.

"Sure, but I'll be held captive here for a few more weeks, unfortunately. Can't you just tell me now?" The colonel had no idea what was about to meet him.

"You know I got rid of the Arc Reactor, right?"

"mm"

"Well, it's back... kind of... and, um... I won't go into details, but it was awful" Tony hesitated, terrified of the reaction he would get, but he decided to keep talking. "What I wanted to tell you is that I've been thrown out of the avengers, and that Stern wants me over to their side. Everything is a set up from Director Fury, which is not important... anyway, I just wanted to ask if you're ready for a new suit?" Tony tried to sound really enthusiastic in the last part, to wave the rest away.

"What? Tony, why is it back? I thought you didn't want it there? Are you okay?" Rhodey sounded terribly worried.

"I told you, no details. I'm okay, it's working fine, and it was just another set up from the beloved Director. Do you want the suit or not?" Tony was trying to sound more urgent this time.

"If it would help you in any way, yes, of course" He replied truthfully.

"Great! As soon as the workshop is fixed I'll get it done and you can come over here and fly it back to where it belongs"

"Wait, are you going to upgrade it?" Rhodey sounded like a five year old child, waiting for Santa to come with his new toy car.

"Can't leave you with that old piece of metal you used before, now can I?" Tony laughed back. "Bye platypus, be careful, all right? And don't push them too much, not everyone can build an engine when they're six you know!" A smirk was formed at Tony's lips.

"Yeah yeah, you be careful too" And then Rhodey took the phone away from his ear, right before he regretted it. "WAIT! Fix the workshop!?" Tony heard those last words, but he just laughed and hung up anyways.

Maybe he should just ask for someone to take over the wheel for a week or so, so that he could go check on Tony. His work was important, and there were few others to step in for him, but his best friend was much more important. Maybe he even got to decide some new features for the suit?

Tony lay back down on the bed and pulled Pepper, who laid with her back against him, into his embrace. _Now _everything was okay. He didn't know whether to be sad or happy about not being an avenger anymore, but he sort of felt a bit more free, able to choose his own missions. The anxiety attacks were controllable and every other problem that had been eating his soul was gone. He felt safe when he had Pepper in his tight grip, he knew that no one could hurt her then. He remembered how she said that as long as she knew that she was breathing, then it was okay, because then at least she was alive, and how those words calmed Tony down. He lay for about fifteen minutes just listening to Pepper's slow and steady breath and his own relaxed one. It was weird how calming it could be, just listening to someone breathing. He sniffed in her hair, her beautiful, soft, red hair, and smiled to himself. Finally he felt how tired and exhausted he actually was because of the events from what had now almost become a whole week. Sleeping had never been a way to escape for Tony, like it was for many people out in the world, the workshop was his escape, but when there had been 72 hours between each time he saw a bed, things had started to spin around for him and he couldn't focus anymore. Right now he understood how important sleep was, and that if he could keep the nightmares away... it would be a terrific way to escape everything and just relax. Problem was, right now he didn't want to escape, because everything was so perfect. He planted a kiss on Pepper's forehead and was about to close his eyes and sleep when she started talking.

"You were almost killing me, that took you forever" She said, not even a slight touch of sleepiness in her voice. She had been awake all this time, waiting for him to continue where they stopped before he left to talk to Rhodey.

_Kill. Harlan. _Everything wasn't perfect after all, no of course it wasn't, how could he be that naive? Fifteen minutes, that was the longest time he was allowed to feel happy, at least he knew that now so that it wouldn't be such a downer the next time his happiness was broken. He should have just said it long time ago, maybe she would've digested it now already. Saying it now, however, would just crush what little he had left of happiness... screw it, with it on his mind there was no happiness left.

"Pepper, I-" Tony got startled when he heard the male voice disrupt him and he understood that he had forgot to take out the earpiece.  
_  
"Stark, we've got a mission"_

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading, and hey, I found a way to get Rhodey in to it after all, yaay! Now, would you be so kind to review, it doesn't take much of your time ****_and _****it leaves me extremely happy! Love you all!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay guys, it's been a long time, but I'm back! It took some time for me to settle down and get into routines after I moved and started school, but it's starting to get better. I hope that even if it took me a while to write this and post it, I will still have as much readers as normal. Thank you so much for being here, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!**

* * *

Tony sat with his cheek leaned on his knuckles, struggling to keep his eyes open. There had been a long time ago since he needed to go out on a mission in the middle of the night, things had been quiet lately, especially after he took out the arc reactor. As far as Tony knew the other guys hadn't had any missions after he took it out either

"Why?" Tony suddenly asked. "Why did you take me back?"

"I found out... _we _found out, that... _we need you" _Fury said quickly. "And letting you fly all over the planet in that suit on your own wouldn't be safe for the human race" He pointed out just as quickly afterwards.

Tony tried to keep cool, but he couldn't anything to it but smile satisfied. He knew that Fury wasn't exactly fond of him and that feeling was returned, but they both respected each other somewhat anyways.

"This isn't a hard or big mission, but it requires something more than just a gun and a few soldiers. There has been discovered something we think is bombs in an industrial area in the outskirts of Mexico, with all the gasses and electrics in the area there will be no problem to take out every single house in dozens of miles radius. Your job... get the bombs away before that happens" An expectantly gaze was sent to all of the people in the room. "What are you waiting for?" Fury turned on his heel and walked quickly out of the room.

All of the Avengers stood up from their chairs and shuffled tiredly out of the room. The others felt just the same as Tony. When there hadn't been any missions lately, they had finally got some time to actually sleep throughout the whole night, and standing up in the middle of the night wasn't as cool now as then. All of them put on a brave face and parted to get ready for action.

* * *

Pepper walked stressed back and forth on the floor in the apartment waiting for Tony to get home. These damn missions, she had never learned to really relax when he was on one of them. What she did was just stressing through the whole day, always keeping herself busy and trying not to think about him even though she knew that every other second her mind would drift his way. When a mission took several days, Pepper would, at some point, fall asleep at the couch and then he would pick her up and lay her in the bed when he came home. Tonight she couldn't get to sleep again. This was Tony's first mission after he took out the arc reactor and it was his first time in the suit after whatever happened when Happy found him. She knew very well that it was triggering for his panic attacks, and she hoped with the whole of her heart that he managed to stay calm. Just the same moment as Pepper made herself a cup of tea with shaky hands, the door went up and a fresh Tony walked in. Pepper stared at him, not believing her own two eyes which caused her to pour more tea into her cup than it could hold. Her attention quickly went from Tony to the cup of tea when she felt hot water hit her feet and she jumped away from the table. A loud groan escaped her lips as she looked at the mess she had made, but it went over to a satisfied moan when Tony's lips suddenly were on hers. She stood there with the can of tea, not quite knowing where to place herself, she only knew that this was what she had been waiting for. When Tony stopped kissing her, he pulled her away, holding on to each of her arms and looking at her confused face with a big grin.

"I guess things went good?" Pepper asked not so sure if she was asking the right question.

"I'm back. I am seriously back on track. This is where I left it and I just can't seem to understand how I could've possibly wanted to throw all of it away" _Because of me, Tony, you let it go because of me! _Pepper wanted to yell at him, but right now it was important to support him.

"That's so good to hear Mr. Stark, now, where did _we _leave it?" Pepper raised one eyebrow and took his hand to lead him into the bedroom, and he willingly followed her.

* * *

Tony slowly opened his eyes when he heard that someone was calling his phone. A sleepy hand fumbled after it on the bedside table and clicked the answer button.

"Helloooo?" A groggy voice said.

"Hey Tony, hope I didn't wake you up?" The voice in the other end was playful and nimble.

"Ehhrm, no, no... No, of course not" Tony was suddenly a whole lot more awake when he saw that the clock had already passed 10 am.

"You see, you've got a visitor" The other voice continued, and then he hung up before Tony could ask any more questions.

He was quickly out of bed, being extremely careful not to wake up Pepper. All of their clothes were slung all over the room and Tony picked them up bit by bit until he came to his jeans, he threw them away and found a pair of sweats he had picked up from their apartment instead. On his way to the door he had to pass the kitchen and he slowly dragged with him a knife, afraid of what might meet him. When he came to the door, he waited a few seconds, just to have a little debate with himself on how smart it was to open it. Would it put anyone at risk? Maybe someone had finally come to kill him, when he so obviously couldn't do that himself, or it could just be Bruce. Tony slowly opened the wooden door and hid behind it so that if needed, he could attack the person coming through it.

"Ey, Tone?" A dark shadow walked into the dimly lit apartment and stopped a few steps inside when he couldn't see anyone. "Anyone here?" He said a bit louder.

"Shhh colonel, you're waking up my princess" Tony whispered and put a finger over his grinning mouth.

"Dear god, you scared the hell out of me! Is that a knife?" Rhodey pointed to the metal tool in Tony's hand.

Tony just shrugged it off and led him into the kitchen where he put the knife back in place and turned on some more lights. They both sat down on two barstools and just stared at each other.

"What?" Tony finally said and gave his friend a stupid look.

"Aren't you going to make me a suit?" Rhodey's eyebrows rose and the left corner of his mouth went slightly upwards.

Oh, yes, he absolutely was, and he remembered it even more now when he saw the drawings he left on the counter before he went to bed. He could paint and draw and plan all day long, but he would never be able to make it without his workshop. How long had these men used on fixing it anyways? In Tony's opinion it should've just taken them a couple of hours, but he had his reasons for thinking it would take more than a few weeks. All of the material lay outside in a tent with warmth in it and when all you needed was a drill to fasten the windows and a broom to clean up inside... there was no doubt Tony could do it himself, with a little help from a friend.  
"Yes my dear platypus, yes I am" A little smirk passed Tony's lips as he jumped of the stool and walked towards the door again. "Well, what are you waiting for?" Tony waved his hand to tell Rhodey to come with him, and he sceptically dragged himself towards the door.

Tony walked straight to the elevator and pushed the down button to get down to the room he liked to call "Hall of Fame". The elevator opened and the two guys stepped inside. Suddenly Rhodey could see how tired Tony appeared, he was clenching to the railings surrounding the elevator and it seemed like he was about to fall down any second he let go of it.

"Are you okay dude?" Rhodey finally put a hand on his shoulder and looked worriedly at him.

"Yeah... sure... just tired" Tony whispered distantly as he focused on pushing the right button to the right floor.

Why couldn't he just have been in bed, sleeping together with Peps right now? Nothing was more appealing to him right now than that, and he was almost about to just stop the elevator and taking it up to the apartment again. Tony woke up from his thinking when the doors slid open and a hallway with white walls and dark purple carpet was revealed. Tony was quickly outside of the elevator, heading towards a wall with no doors, at least that was what normal people would think it was... Tony pushed on the wall and the whole of it opened up, revealing a big room with walls of concrete and black tiles as floor. The room was dark, but suddenly blue lights beamed on the floor making Rhodey jump. They continued to beam and float over the floor with a few seconds intervals and after a while there was blue lights formed as squares on the walls. Tony was heading straight forward, obviously knowing where he was heading at. When a blue light shot left on the floor, Tony followed it and put his hand on the wall when he came to it, right in the middle of one of the squares. Another blue light lit up on the wall formed as Tony's hand and the square loosened from the wall, revealing the Iron Man suit. Rhodey couldn't help it, he just had to let out a little gasp, it was just too cool. He tried to look around in the room, but the only thing illuminating it was the blue lights shooting across the floor and beaming on the walls. A little sting of jealousy hit Rhodey, but it disappeared as fast as it came, Tony deserved this. Tony did a weird gesture with his arms and the suit fastened to his body bit by bit until it was complete. Rhodey couldn't see it, but he knew that inside of the suit Tony was smirking.

"I don't have a second to lose" He said mystically and then a big part of the wall opened as if it was a garage gate.

Finally the room was illuminated and Rhodey could see that the room was in fact a sort of hangar with different small aircrafts, and that this was most likely the Avengers' "dressing room". He wouldn't mind being a part of them, really, he felt more like the nice guy when he was on missions, with the Avengers you never knew, that was a part of the excitement, maybe the government interrupted you and then you had to just forget about all rules that existed. A longingly gaze was sent after Tony and the suit as he flew out of the room. It didn't take long before Rhodey started thinking about what just happened, didn't he say he was going to make the suit?

* * *

"Wow, I didn't think the suit would be able to do all of this. Glad to have you back J!" Tony clasped his hands together and sighed satisfied at the sight of his fixed workshop.

"Glad to have you back too Sir. Feel free to interpret that the way you want" Tony felt warmth surrounding his heart as he heard his AI speak.

Finally he could move into the penthouse again, he had been longing for the opportunity to talk to Jarvis as much as he wanted and to and being in the workshop. There was this little lump of concern in his system that told him he didn't want to move in after all, but he just told himself not to listen to that lump and go tell Pepper that they could move in already. He started wondering about how long it would take for the carpenters to get the workshop back to how it was before the explosion, a week? A month? Maybe even several months? Anyways, Tony had made it in a couple of hours and it looked better than they would've ever got it. It looked like nothing had happened... just as messy as before. With one more thing off his mind, Tony got out of the suit and jogged down the stairs and to the elevator to get down to Pepper. When he opened the door into the apartment, he tried to be as quiet and gentle as possible and locked it carefully before he turned around and his whole body was sent into the door when he got startled by Pepper standing right in front of him.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you to treat your visitors with respect?" Pepper said strictly and moved one step away, revealing Rhodey sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee.

"No one cared about me, I learned myself how to treat my visitors, apparently this isn't the right way to do it. Thank you for putting me in place" Tony said sounding very thankful. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm moving" He shoved Pepper away and gave Rhodey a little wink.

"What?" Pepper said, utterly confused.

"Let's just say that someone put some speed into the building progress of the workshop" Tony stopped and gave Pepper a playful smile that revealed everything.

"Oh no you..." Pepper followed Tony into the bedroom, telling him how stupid he was, while Rhodey got left alone in the kitchen, sipping from his cup and shaking his head in resignation.

"About treating your visitors with respect" He mumbled after them.

A few seconds later Tony walked hastily out of the bedroom with some clothes in his arms and with Pepper right behind him, still arguing and yelling at a Tony that wouldn't listen to her. Rhodey had to laugh a bit to himself, they were made for each other, the one being awfully responsible and the other awfully irresponsible. Everyone around them had just been waiting for them to get together, so when Rhodey found them on that rooftop after blowing up Vanko, he wasn't even surprised by a bit. He hoped that he could get a girl like that one day too, but he was married to his work and his best friend and right now he didn't need anything more than that, except from one thing...

"SO, Tony, about that suit..." Rhodey tried to interrupt their arguing to get them both to shut up.

"Yep, follow me" Tony said, still running around the whole apartment collecting things while he was cursing to himself and coming with witty comments to his quarrelsome girlfriend.

Rhodey _did _follow Tony out to the hallway, into the elevator and up a few stairs before they were inside the "old" apartment of theirs. The exact same moment as they were inside, Tony dropped everything in his arms right down on the floor, making a pile of cell phones, clothes and other small things he had had with him in the other apartment. Not until now did Rhodey notice that Pepper wasn't with them and he started shivering, not because of that, but because of the cold. He felt like going out to catch some warmth again.

"Yeah, it hasn't quite reached normal temperature in here yet, but Jarvis will fix that" Tony smiled kindly when he saw how Rhodey was shaking of the cold. "Let's get down to the workshop and do some planning!"

For about two hours Tony and Rhodey sat in the workshop, disagreeing and agreeing to new and old details to the War Machine suit. Some new features were added and some others deleted until they were satisfied with the looks and specifics of it. Pepper came down once and planted a kiss on Tony's forehead before she gave them two sandwiches each and returned to the couch upstairs. Tony was working, and when he was, he was in a whole other universe than her. There was no point in trying to interrupt him. Starting to face him with the fact that he had fixed the Stark Tower all by himself _now_ was not a thing to do, she would have to take that up later. What was the problem anyways? She knew that the carpenters would've been working for several weeks too, maybe she should just let it go, but once she started letting him do these things he wouldn't stop it there. Tony could think that he was able to anything whenever and however he wanted to do it, and sometimes it just got too much, that was why he needed her. She decided to let it go and just let him feel good for once. It was weird how she had started pitying him for the last weeks, she felt like he was so much more vulnerable, like you could just look at him and he would shatter into a thousand pieces. She hated herself for feeling that way because she knew _he_ hated it, and she didn't feel like he was as able to protect her now as before. It was silly and egoistic thinking like that, she told that to herself all the time, but her mind was just drifting away on its own and she couldn't anything to it. After several hours of just thinking and turning some attention to the TV, Pepper fell asleep at the couch, curled in on herself and with the remote in her hand. When Tony found her like that when he and Rhodey were all finished he started worrying if he might've said or done something _really _wrong, because the only time she fell asleep on the couch was when she couldn't stop thinking. He found a warm blanket and laid it neatly over the tiny figure before he walked to the door together with his friend.

"Shouldn't you have been to work today by the way?" Tony suddenly realized that the colonel taking a day off wasn't normal.

"Yeah, I probably should've gone to work, but I guess my students doesn't mind a day off, and when they hear why I was gone… Oh, they're smiles are gonna go all around their heads!" Rhodey whispered not to wake Pepper, but Tony could tell how excited he was anyways.

"Just keep quiet about it until you get it, rumours like that spreads like wildfire in the army. Make sure you give them a good show when you arrive with it" A little smile appeared on Tonys lips as he whispered to his friend.

Rhodey gave him thumbs up and then Tony slowly closed the door and returned to his girlfriend. He sat down next to her head and lifted her gently up to get her to lie in his lap. She groaned and shifted slightly, but Tony hushed her and started stroking her hair so that she fell asleep again. He sat like that, stroking and kissing her head, for about twenty minutes until he was interrupted by a voice coming from the earpiece he had left in since the last mission.

"Stark, we've got another one"

* * *

**IMPORTANT, READ THIS!  
**  
**I know it's been a long time now with things just being good and perfect and all, but this is the last chapter where I'm playing nice. I felt like I owed Tony a good time, he needed it, but it's over now. The next chapters will be totally over-whumped! And also the days at school are long and the hours just flies away when I'm in the stable with my new friends, so review and make me happy and motivated. You can review as a guest too, come ooon be a little kind to me, it's the least you can do, right?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys... I'm still alive, okay? Are you? I really really really really need some inspiration, and do you know how I get that? Through reviews. Thank you so much to the guys who has been so polite and left a message, and shame on you other guys. Hope you like this new chapter even though I don't.**

* * *

Tony came crashing into the workshop and landed on the floor. He tried to stand up on his feet, but found the task very hard to finish. After a while on the floor, he decided that Jarvis would have to help him through the suit to stand up. The second he stood up and the suit opened up, he fell right down on the floor again. He leaned into a desk and cradled his feet up to his head.

"Tony, is everything all right?" Pepper's careful and worried voice startled Tony so much that he hit his head into the desk and revealed where he was.

"Over here, it's okay" He whispered, exhausted of the recent events.

"God, Tony, why can't you ever tell when something's wrong?" Pepper ran over to him and crouched down.

"It was so, so… awful" He said with a quiet whisper and looked distantly up at Pepper.

"Come here, stand up with me" Pepper helped an unwillingly Tony up on his feet. "Tell me what happened" She said and held around him.

For some time he didn't say anything, he hesitated…. wondered, if it was a good idea to tell her. He took his arms around her waist and leaned his forehead into hers.

"We thought we got them all"

"Who is them?" Pepper placed her hands at the back of his head and started fiddling with his hair.

"_what" _He corrected her. "The bombs, we didn't get them all, as we thought, and… and… we had to get out of there… and the whole thing blew up, and so many innocent people…" He couldn't bear to continue, he just closed his eyes tightly and took an even firmer grip around Peppers waist.

"Died…" She finished. "Tony, you, the Avengers, you were together about this, it isn't all your fault. You may have that…" Pepper had to find the right word for it. "Piece of crap in your chest, but you _do not_ have superpowers because of it, you couldn't know that there was one bomb left" She had now pushed his head away and cupped his cheeks so that she could look into his stirring eyes.

"My instruments… my… gut, should've told me that there was more left. Those innocent people _died _because I wasn't aware enough" Tony dropped his gaze and let go of Pepper to hold around himself instead.

He was _afraid, _afraid that something was wrong with him because he hadn't been 100% aware. Tony started feeling dizzy, just as he had when he had seen the bomb go off and two small villages nearby had been set on fire, and he felt that his feet started to struggle holding his weight. He started swaying a bit and Pepper could see how his skin was pale and that silvery drops started forming in his hairline. His eyes started to grow distant and his mouth was pursed together into a thin line.

"Tony, I think it's time for us to go to bed" She said softly as if nothing had happened.

Pepper placed her hands on his back to support him as she turned him around and started pushing him towards the stairs, as if he was an old man. After three steps he stumbled and almost hit the floor, but Pepper dragged him up again and continued pushing him slowly forwards. When they reached the stairs, Tony took hold of the railing attached to the wall and he stopped so firmly that Pepper almost jumped one step back. She didn't say anything, she just waited for him to keep going forwards, but he didn't, he just stood there. Pepper was starting to get worried, was he having an attack again? Was this ever going to stop, or was this like a disease there was no cure for? Pepper tried to push his back again, but he was all tensed up and stiffened and he was clenching to the railings, not seeming to have any plans on going anywhere. Suddenly he doubled over and vomited all over the first step. It didn't seem like he was going to move now either, but he let go off the railing and he started swaying again. Pepper thought for sure that he was going to pass out, so she quickly put her hands back on his back and supported him. He swallowed hard as another wave of nausea came and he doubled over, only this time he just gagged. Pepper pushed his back a bit harder this time and he started to move up the stairs surprisingly easy. It didn't take long for them to reach the bedroom and Tony crashed down on the bed, sighing of frustration for being such a weak person.

"Hey… hey… it's okay. Rest now" Pepper walked towards him and dragged off his clothes so that he was left in his underwear and with the glowing arc reactor fully visible.

Tony looked down at it as if it was the first time he noticed it was there. He looked at it with confusion and contempt. The blue light was illuminating the dimly lit room and he found it very exhausting not being able to turn it off, so even if he was sort of in another world, his fingers found their place on the arc reactor with an accustomed move and turned it around until a click was heard. Pepper didn't mind much, she thought he just turned off a light. He slowly dragged the arc reactor out of its place and inspected it thoroughly before he yanked it out so that the wires let go. A shocked and unsteady breath made Pepper turn around and she quickly registered that the blue light wasn't were it was supposed to be. She saw Tony looking utterly confused at the arc reactor while he struggled breathing and he winced every time his chest moved. It didn't take long for her to launch towards him and take hold of the contraption she wholeheartedly despised and put it into him again.

"What are you thinking?" She screamed at him, but he didn't answer, he just looked up at her like a person totally out of time and place. "Don't you ever… can you even understand me?" Tony made a slight nod. "Then just sleep" She snorted and slid out of bed to get into her sleeping wear.

* * *

Pepper woke up when she felt someone kick her leg, and she abruptly sat up when she understood why that someone kicked her. Tony was shivering, sweating and talking incoherently as he buried his face in the pillow and clenched to it. Confusion and worry swelled up in her and she was really terrified of the thought that this was the new him. He had been so bewildered he hadn't even understood what the arc reactor was for. Now he was lying there next to her, wincing and screaming and talking nonsense because of what probably was the worst nightmare he had had this far. Pepper put her hands on his shoulders and tried to calm him down, but he just drew himself away from her and curled in on himself. Pepper tried to shake him even firmer to wake him up which only resulted in sobs and whimpers to escape his mouth.

"Don't… I di-dn't mean… to kill" Tony's incoherent talking suddenly wasn't so incoherent anymore, and Pepper got even more confused of the words he said. "Stop… stooop, enough!" Tony screamed so high Pepper almost fell out of the bed and she got terrified of the thought of what may have caused him to scream so painfully.

Once again she decided to try and shake him out of the terrible place he was in, but this time he yanked himself so forcefully out of her grasp that he fell down on the floor and his head hit the bedside table. Pepper heard a low groan and she jumped over to the other side of the bed to help him. He laid on his back with his hands covering his eyes as if to shield himself from the rest of the world.

"Tony?" Pepper reached her hand down to him and placed it on his arm to get his hands away from his face. "Tony, it's okay, you didn't kill anyone, you're okay" Her voice was trembling, she was really scared that he was still going to be in some sort of delirium.

"Yes… I did" The weak, shaking figure sat up against the bed and looked up at Pepper with a thoughtful look. Was he still dreaming? He seemed awake, but what he said… "The one who, eh… gave me this" he laid his hand on the arc reactor. "I was angry…" Pepper put a hand over her mouth, was this real?

Something in Tony's voice told her that this was very real and that he spoke of the truth. For a second she felt very dizzy, and the only thing she wanted was to just close her eyes and hope for it to be a dream, but she knew it wasn't. Her bare feet slowly found the cold floor and she walked silently out of the room with a foggy head as she heard Tony scream for her to come back behind of her. _How? _He thought. How could he be such a fool to tell her, he knew it meant giving up the one thing he loved. He knew this would be the outcome, he had just _hoped _that she would give him another chance, but he knew he'd had enough of them already. Always when he woke up without rembering how he got into bed or what happened the few minutes before, he knew he had had one of the attacks, and he knew that he had also had a nightmare… He had been self destructive, childish and a very heavy stone to have placed on ones shoulders lately, asking for a hundreth chance wouldn't go through very well. Suddenly he felt how tense he was, but he didn't manage to relax, he felt another one of the attacks slowly flow over him as he understood that this time it wasn't because he felt locked up… he needed to see that Pepper was safe. He couldn't go back to sleep now, so he silently walked out of the room after her. On his way up from the floor he supported himself on the bed as a wave of exhaustion hit him, and he sat down on the bed for a few seconds before he told himself that he had to speak to her, _now. _The wall made a great support for him when he shuffled out of the room and he had to stop to catch his breath whenever the memories of the last mission came back to him.

"Pepper?" He yelled, hoping so intensly for her to reply. "Pepper, please can we just… just talk this out?" _You killed a man out of pure anger and panic, she should hate you… everyone should hate you. _"Jarvis?" Tony whimpered.

"It seems that miss Potts has left, Sir" He replied in his ever polite, british voice.

"W-what does that mean?" Tony mumbled weakly.

"Obviously she needed time to think, she seemed very upset. She's still in the building, but I would reccomend that you wait untill she's settled down"

"And what if she doesn't?" He squeezed his eyes shut at the thought.

When Jarvis didn't answer, Tony got afraid and he shouted the same sentence once more, with all the power he had.

"Unfortunately this is something I can't help you with, Sir" The AI's voice actually sounded sorry in Tony's ears, but he knew that it was just how he wanted it to be.

Tony walked over to the couch and sat down, he took his head in his hands and clenched to his hair as he tried to think of a way to make a time machine. It was so wrong though, he would've had to tell her anyways, he couldn't keep it a secret forever. Tony felt his eyelids closing slowly as his head got heavier and heavier in his hands, there wasn't anything he could do about the fact that moments later he was asleep.

* * *

_"-r, Sir, Mr. Stark, there's an urgent message for you" _Tony woke up to the frantic voice of Jarvis, and suddenly he wasn't so sleepy anymore.

"What? What's wrong?" _Has something happened to Pepper?_

"Miss Potts asks for you to meet her at Central Park right away, she says it's important" Jarvis said hurriedly.

"Should I suit up?" Tony was suddenly very confused.

"No, she actually requests that you walk there" Now he got even more confused.

Walk there? Why would she want for him to walk there? Maybe so that whoever captured her shouldn't notice him coming, or maybe she just wanted to sort out something in privacy, but why not just come to the apartment then? Well, if it was urgent he didn't have the time to think about this. His feet rushed over to the bedroom to get some discrete clothes and then he put a big jacket on, which he hid some of his small self defense gadgets in, and then he took the earpiece into his ear, just to be sure. He pushed the button to the now fixed elevator and he felt as if it couldn't go quickly enough. When the door finally slid open on the main floor, he walked fast out in the fresh morning air and continued on the way to central park amongst the crowded streets. It was far less people there at this time of the day, but Tony actually got surprised of how many there were anyways. He held his hands in his pockets and had his baseball cap drawn over his face so that no one should recognize him. On his way there were several people stopping and pointing, but they just shrugged it off and walked on, but suddenly he had to stop for a red light and he felt how the adrenalin and fear of being recognized rushed through him. Suddenly he was pushed out in the road so that he stumbled down on the asphalt. He got hit by panic, but managed to get up on his feet only to see two blinding lights coming closer and something hard hitting him, and then everything went black.

* * *

Pepper once again found herself walking back and forth in the apartment, not entirely sure what to feel. Tony had said right to her face that he had killed someone, _because he was angry, _but then Jarvis had told her that he was out because she had sent him a message, very much like the one he had told her that he had got from her right before he got kidnapped by S.H.I.E.L.D. She couldn't anything to it but feeling slightly worried, but the anger and confusion from what he had told her the night before still clung to her mind. Endless tears had been streaming down her face since she left the apartment, at one point she had managed to straighten up, but only to find herself crying seconds later. She knew that Tony had his flaws, but everyone's got flaws, she too, but killing someone isn't _just _a flaw. It would feel different if it was a terrorist or some evil person that he killed on a mission, but this was personal, worth getting into jail for. The thing was, Tony might be in danger at the moment she stood there thinking of it, and even though her feelings were a total mess, she at least didn't think he should die, that much she knew.

"Jarvis, is there any possibility for you to track Tony down?" She asked with a shivering voice.

"I can try to find his earpiece, if that's good enough" She nodded energetically, _anything _would be good enough. "It seems that it's located in Tennessee, Madame"

* * *

Tony slowly opened his eyes, but they quickly shut down again. He tried his best at staying awake, but it was a futile attempt.

"Wakey wakey Tony, you've been asleep for a long time now" A creepy, dark voice made its way into Tony's ears without it doing anything about him being sleepy. "Wake up I said!" A hard punch was landed right on the old cut in Tony's side which made him cough violently.

Blood was splattered all over the floor to Tony's horror, and he felt the hot liquid run down his chin. As a reflex, his hand tried to get down to his cheek, but he quickly found out that it didn't work. His arms were tied up to the wall with chains and his feet were just long enough to touch the ground. He tried to wrestle himself free, but gave up as soon as he understood it would only make his wrists bleed instead. That would be his least problem… After he was finished getting panic, the pain came and a sharp cry escaped his throat. He could feel every inch of his battered body crunching when he moved and he could see that there was blood spilled all over him, first of all from the stitched wound in his side which wasn't stitched anymore, but also from small abrasions covering his arms, face and back. Right after he had inspected his own body as well as he could, he took notice of the surroundings. Cold air, frost mist was clouding up in front of him as he breathed in short gasps, feeling a burning sensation every time his lungs got filled with air. He had to be in some sort of underground tunnel, the walls were made of concrete and the whole thing was formed as a bow. He looked over to the other side of the tunnel from where he was standing, and he saw what he thought was a whole load of batteries, what where they for? Suddenly a slim, tall figure came out from the shadows.

"Ready to give me some arc reactor technology Stark?"

* * *

**So what do you think? Excited about the Tennessee part? :D LEAVE A REVIEW, C'MON, I KNOW YOU CAN READ THIS GUYS! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Wooow, not bad, eh? I finished it faster this time, what about trying that a whole lot more? Thank you guys for keeping me motivated, lots of kisses to all of youuuu!**

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Tony stood as straight as he could and stared at the figure with a look that could kill. He didn't want it to come any closer or to say another word, he just wanted to get away. He discretely tried to wrestle free from the chains once more, but it only caused pain which again caused him to whimper silently which then again caused the figure to laugh an evil laugh.

"Tony, you're stuck, you won't get away" The nice and explaining sound of the voice was incredibly irritating to Tony.

"Who are you and where am I?" Tony said aggressively with his teeth gritted, not until now did he feel how dry his throat was.

"Shall we play a little game?" The figure moved out of the shadows and into the dim light that was set on Tony, and he couldn't anything to it but getting a little bit panic when it came closer to him.

He swallowed hard with the little spit he had left in his mouth as he heard the words and saw that the figure was a she. He couldn't recognize her, not at all, neither could he recognize the other person in the room, a big man with a lot of muscles and tattoos. He couldn't help but thinking that the woman was quite pretty, but there was something that didn't exactly fit, something reminding him of someone.

"A few years back you had a little fight with this Russian guy…" She said and started walking back and forth in front of him. "He had a companion, remember? You got him into jail and all… That guy… my father" She said and pointed at herself.

"You're taking revenge?" Tony asked, rather surprised that someone would want to do such a thing for Justin Hammer.

"Oooh, no no no, you're misunderstanding. My father is an idiot, I'm going to finish what he started" She whispered threatening.

Tony watched her every move as she walked towards the pile of batteries. He didn't understand exactly what she was going to use them for, but it was definitely nothing good. She put her hand on one and gently stroke it over the others as she walked past them, it seemed like they were her little babies. And just when Tony thought of that, it hit him, _she was going to finish what her father couldn't._ Those were batteries for droids, no doubt, and she had asked for arc reactor technology… what the fuck was going to happen in here?

"I guess you've figured out what these are by now, I know you're a smart guy. This is just a temporary solution however, what I want is that technology you keep _so _tight into your chest. You're free to give it to me whenever you want" She was now standing in front of him again with her hand stretched out right in front of him, as if she was waiting for him to take out the arc reactor himself and give it to her.

"You're a fool, Justine Hammer, to think that I would just hand it over to you. You know… I_ do _care about my legacy" He replied cockily.

"Well, I'm going to get it either ways. _Eric!"_ She yelled after the man who now stood by the batteries.

Tony could see him switching on one of the batteries and then he could feel his heart being squeezed into a little lump, as if someone was smashing paper between their hands. He gasped for air as another coughing fit hit him and even more blood was spilled out on the floor. Oh how sweet it would be to be back to his youth when breaking your arm was the worst pain you could ever imagine. This was excruciating, and he didn't know if he was to survive it. The coughing didn't stop, it was rather the other way around, it grew worse and it felt like his whole inside was about to come out. Tony's eyes grew wide as he saw how much blood was coming out of his mouth, this was not good in any way, this was wounds he couldn't stitch together himself. His body started trembling terribly and he felt how hard it was to keep upright. When there was only small coughs and some spitting of blood left, his eyes finally landed on the arc reactor. His dark blue sweater was ripped up just around it so that it could be visible, but that wasn't the worst part… About two hundred different, small cables where attached to it, leading to all the batteries in the other end of the room. It didn't take long for him to understand what the point was, just as it didn't take long for him to completely panic. He was dragging in the chains, writhing and screaming, only to Justine's amusement. Tears started to gather in his eyes when he finally gave up and his head hung low.

"Now what do you think, can I get some sort of a users manual of putting together an arc reactor or something?" She sounded exactly like her father, calm and amused of him being uncomfortable.

"Never" Tony said under his breath.

Justine did one movement with her arm, and then Tony's body was filled with pain only seconds after. It was worse this time, it was as if someone fired one of these electroshock pistols at him, he got completely paralyzed. There was no possible way for Tony to suppress the enormous scream that escaped him, shortly after there was one more, and then a another one. He was damn near on starting to cry, he lost all of his senses, couldn't breathe, hear or see correctly and it was terrifying, knowing that he couldn't do anything except from giving in on Justine's wish. She hadn't asked him anything more, and he hadn't done anything wrong, but Tony could feel a twice as bad pain rip through his body with enormous power. He was so sure he wasn't going to survive this, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Tony, why won´t you just tell me? Do you really care _so _much about that legacy of yours that you want to go trough this much pain?" She grabbed his cheeks and forced his empty eyes to look into hers.

"Stop, j-just stop it" Tony couldn´t keep his eyes open anymore, but closing them obviously earned a punch right into his stomach. "It´s…" Tony didn´t get longer before a groan muted between clenched teeth interrupted him.

What on earth was he going to do? The excruciating pain wouldn´t stop by itself, but Tony´s subconscious suddenly remembered something. That movement Justine did… he tried on a movement he knew very well, and that he hoped _so bad _would work. It was hard to focus on anything right now, everything was just a blur of pain and hopelessness. If he wasn't so determined on holding on to life, he would've just given in on the pain and closed his eyes, but there was one thing other than himself on his mind.

"Wh- where are…" Tony let out a few, exhausted breathes before he continued. "The droids" He blinked fatigued.

"Right now they're at Hammer Industries, which I took over by the way, getting ready for combat in… oh where was it Eric?" She asked, trying to sound like an innocent blonde.

"I think it was Central Park if I recall correctly" He said in the same tone as her and smirked.

If Tony had panicked before he didn't know the word for what he was now. He was so damn close to start crying. The bad guys would always attack his weakest side, _Pepper. _This only reminded him why he decided to take out the damn contraption, because he was sick and tired of the imminent threat.

"Why so many?" He asked hoarsely.

"I said I wanted to finish my father's unfinished job, didn't I? I want to show the world that Hammer rages over Stark, and I can't do that with one droid, everyone loves it when it's too much" She gave him one, last long look before she suddenly stiffened.

What was that sound? It sounded like a rocket, but a rocket down here? Then Tony heard the sound of metal crashing with something hard and making an abundantly sound, and he quickly understood that this was his moment. He discretely opened up his hands and stood with his palms facing Justine and Eric. They noticed anyhow and changed confused looks. A piece of metal suddenly attached to Tony's hand and a light filled the whole place at the same moment. He waited for the rest of the metal pieces to fasten to him, but they never came and he started to get impatient, so he fired off the repulsor at the chain on the opposite hand and then the a metal piece fastened to his other hand too so that he could free himself completely. He was now standing on his own, something he quickly found out wasn't as easy as normal. Next to the batteries laid Justine, obviously unconscious, but she was still breathing. Eric, however, wasn't to be seen anywhere. Tony took a few steps, but then he grimaced in pain and fell to the ground, he couldn't recall the fact that he had been hit by a car, just like last time, only this time it was meant to hurt. How the hell was he going to get out of here when he couldn't walk? He threw away the two parts he had got from the suit and laid on his back to make the breathing part easier. Out of nothing there was suddenly a sharp pain running through the whole of his body, it was amplified by a thousand and it made him writhing and groaning on the ground. Finally he could see the other man standing right by the batteries and turning on each one of them. He saw as electricity started to run trough the wires attached to the arc reactor, and he understood that not even his dads´ invention was good enough to keep the droids alive _and _Tony´s heart. The pressure on the heart kept increasing as all the batteries were turned off, and dragging the wires out would be the best thing to do, but Tony couldn´t move, he just laid on the ground, curled in on himself and waiting for death. A figure was suddenly standing right next to him, it was big and it scared Tony so much he started to try and drag himself away from the place by his hands. Seconds later he found his upper body lifted a bit from the ground.

"Try and stop it" The figure said harshly.

A punch was landed right to the left of the arc reactor and Tony swore he could feel how his ribs cracked, if they weren´t cracked from before. Okay, _now _he was going to die.

* * *

"Hey! Stop it!" Harley was pushed away into the big, dark underground tunnel and he tried with all he had to walk back again, but he was only pushed further in. "You know there´s a reason why not even the adults dare to go down here" He pouted when he finally settled down with the fact that he would have to go in front of the two bullies all the way in.

Suddenly they all heard a noise and the two bullies exchanged terrified looks before they ran away as fast as possible. Harley looked around himself and found that he was all alone within seconds, and then he saw a dim, yellow light in front of him and found out that it was better walking towards that than walking back, afraid of the dark as he was. He tiptoed slowly towards it, following the wall and being terribly careful about being quiet. When he was just outside the reach of the light rays, he stopped as he heard a groan and a whimper. His head turned quickly around to the way the sound came from and he saw a bloodied, trembling figure on the dusty ground. The figure turned around so that his face faced Harley and he had to put a hand over his mouth not to scream. He ran carefully but fast over to the figure and crouched down. He shook his head in disbelief and reached out a hand to touch the man on the ground, but when he made a desperate struggling sound he yanked it back as if he got electro shock. The man turned over with his back against Harley again and he had to put his hand over his mouth this time too to not scream incase there were other people there. The blue sweater his friend was wearing was soaked in blood at this side and Harley carefully lifted it up to find that it was glued together with a seemingly big gash that was bleeding very little at the moment. Harley found it very weird, but he remembered something he had learned at school once, and he started parting the sweater from the body to his friends enormous frustration. The man on the ground started whimpering, and it scared the hell out of Harley, was it even supposed to hurt?

"I need you to lay still Tony, I´m just here to help you" He tried to say comfortingly.

What he said worked just the other way around, Tony panicked and tried to get away, when he found moving impossible he only panicked more and started screaming. Harley tried to make up a decision, but it was so hard, what was the right thing to do? What had he learned? He got panic himself of the screaming, but he decided to just rip off the sweater quickly and do as he had learned. His as grew wide when a quiet sob escaped Tony´s lips as the sweater loosened fully, this wasn´t right, not at all, Harley thought he had seen the weak side of Tony, the attacks, but what on earth was this? He opened his jacket with shaky hands and dragged off his scarf. He folded it nicely together and pushed it down on the gash to stop the bleeding. Tony´s trembling hands were at Harley´s at once, trying to push them away from his body to stop the pain. Struggling noises escaped his lips as he leaned his head back, gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Stooooop!" He screamed behind his gritted teeth and clenched to Harley´s arm.

Harley got scared, but he decided to continue with what he was doing in fright that his friend might bleed to death if he stopped. He still found it weird though, how soaked with blood the sweater was and how little the gash was bleeding. He took the scarf away and saw that there was almost no blood on it, and even though he didn´t as much as touch Tony anymore, it seemed like he was still in the same pain.

"Stop it" He sobbed silently.

Harley stood up and backed two steps away, not until now did he see all the wires attached to Tony´s chest. Hadn´t it been for the fact that Tony was in pain, he would´ve thought they were keeping him alive, but he was smart enough to understand that they were rather causing the pain. His small fingers were about to reach out for the wires when he heard something fall to the ground right behind of him and he quickly turned around to see what it was. He saw someone else, a woman, trying to stand up with the help of a table with some black boxes on it that she dragged down on the ground. Out of no where, a flying, circular thing in red, white and blue flew right past Harley´s face and knocked out the woman in the other end of the room in one second. When he turned around again to see who was with him, two people were already hanging over Tony, dragging out every wire and cable that obviously didn´t belong to the arc reactor. Harley didn´t know what to do, if he was going to trust them, but it definitely didn´t look like Tony trusted them. He tried his best to push them away, _to get away, _and to shield himself for whatever harm they would cause him.

"Tony? Tony, can you hear me?" The man who stood bent over him asked worried.

Tony squeezed his eyes shut as if to pretend he wasn´t hearing or seeing them, as if he was dead.

"Tony, come on!" He put his shoe on his hip and pushed gently, making Tony groan silently. "Okay, good… Right… I´m sorry to say it, but this is going to hurt big time"

* * *

**I made it, I made it, I made it! I got Harley in, if you like it or not... well just let me know, I thought this was a good idea, but yeaaaah... NOW REVIEW, or I´m not sure if this will end that well!**


	14. Chapter 14

**So thank you to Nerdy-Tomboy for reviewing! Great, thank you, it's really great to know that at least there's someone out there appreciating my work(and of course all of you who normally review, haven't forgot you yet). Seriously, the rest of you, YOU'VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO! And btw... did you understand where i got the inspiration from the last chapter from? There was this picture i randomly found, and now I can't find it again :( But, well, those of you who understands, underdstands!**

* * *

"Hey, Tony, listen to me! Calm down!" One of the adults said through gritted teeth.

Harley stood by and watched as Tony struggled to push himself away from the man bending over him to scoop him up. He was weak, however, and the man had no problem with lifting him up. He must've been right when he said it would hurt a lot, because a loud, panicked scream escaped Tony as his eyes grew wide with pain and he clenched to the man's T-shirt. The woman started to stroke his hair and hush him, but there was something wrong going on in Tony's head, he didn't trust anyone. He didn't know what to do when he wanted to get away from the lady _and _the man, so he just buried his face in the man's chest and started shaking incredibly as sobs shook his body even more. Harley saw the woman shake her head and a frown appeared on her face, so he decided these guys actually cared about Tony, that they were friends of him.

"Steve…" The woman said with a sad tone and the man looked up at her face. "The arc reactor… It's flickering" His eyes went to the light in his colleague's chest, and his facial expression went totally stiff.

"We need to get away as fast as possible" Steve's stressed face met Pepper's and she nodded quickly in agreement.

She sent him away out of the tunnel to reach the helicopter waiting for them outside, while she slowly turned around to find the other woman Steve had knocked out when they came in. She was still lying on the ground unconscious, but Pepper didn't take any chances. Her feet moved slowly and lightly over the floor too not wake her up or something in case she was still conscious. First she picked up Steve's shield who lay a few meters in front of her, and then she used it to move her body to assure herself that she wasn't awake. When she didn't move, Pepper slowly rolled her over to her back and put her arms under her armpits and started dragging her out of the tunnel. In fact, Justine was very pretty, Pepper couldn't help but thinking of it, it was something she obviously hadn't got from her father, that jealous little creep. With the shield on her back and the unconscious woman in her arms, she had to take a few breaks on the way. It was a silly idea not to bring several men, but it could've gone worse than this, Pepper had been prepared for a combat. Suddenly Steve was by her side, taking Justine in his hands and almost running towards the helicopter with Rhodey waiting outside. Now that she had the opportunity, Pepper ran towards the helicopter in the highest speed she had ever reached running and quickly sat down next to the bed Tony was in. He was already unconscious, probably because of exhaustion, but his whole state was incredibly bad. She remembered how she had removed the big glass from his side, and how it almost didn't stop bleeding until Bruce had stitched it, now it seemed like it had never been stitched. The arc reactor flickering was definitely not a good sign, everyone knew that it was there for a reason, and the reason was probably keeping him alive in some horrible way. Otherwise his body looked totally broken down, battered and broken down, and he was both sweating and shivering even though he wasn't awake. Pepper sighed heartbroken, this was all her fault. If she hadn't ran away from him because… no, she didn't want to think about that now, what was important now was to get Tony home.

* * *

"There's been an accident" All of the avengers who sat around the table felt their heart jump a little when they heard it. "Stark has been captured by Justine Hammer, I'm sure all of you are known by the name. The outcome isn't too good. We know he has been… unstable the last weeks occurring to all the recent events, and this will probably just worsen things…" The black box on the middle of the table went silent.

Nick Fury didn't know what more to say, he himself didn't care all too much about Tony, but he knew the avengers did, that was why Steve wasn't there.

"You said you had an eye on him all the time" Bruce mumbled angrily.

"Excuse me?" Fury spat back.

"You said you had an eye on him!" His voice was now loud and clear and the others could see some green in his eyes.

"Bruce…" Natasha had rose from her chair and laid her hand on his left shoulder, but he pushed it away with his hand.

He crossed his arms and stared with a hard expression on the box Fury's voice sprung out from. There was always someone who wanted either of them, and the fact that they had had a few missions going great didn't mean that everything would be good. They should've foreseen that something bad would happen soon, it was naïve to believe that things could actually be good over a long time period, life didn't work like that, and if anyone knew, it was Bruce.

"So what now?" He asked a bit calmer.

"We wait" Was the only reply he got.

* * *

A quiet whimper was heard from the end of the helicopter and Pepper quickly got on her feet. Tony lay restless on the stretcher, but he was strapped to it to keep still, to not hurt himself. She gently laid a hand down on his arm and started stroking it back and forth, and it caused him to wake up from his nightmare. He quickly understood where he was and tried to get away from her, but he understood it didn't work because of the straps and he panicked. Pepper tried to calm him down, but he just closed his eyes shut and winced, as if he hoped to just disappear out of thin air. His breathing was very labored, and he struggled to get air down his lungs. The aircraft was noisy, too noisy, and Tony groaned hopelessly of the everlasting sound, which caused him to panic even more, afraid that someone would punish him. He squeezed his eyes even more shut and just waited for what was to come. Pepper sat by with a frown on her face, this was not the Tony she knew, the rude and childish Tony Stark was lost, and she would do anything in her power to get him back. Tony couldn't think, couldn't remember, all his senses was gone leaving only the ability to feel pain left. It was excruciating and so exhausting he would much rather like to die. If he could just remember anything at all, but he was blinded by fear and discomfort, couldn't it just stop? He let out a struggled sob when he finally could remember something, two faces in the other end of the aircraft. The only thing he could remember about them was pain, panic and… these guys were evil, but they seemed to be asleep or something, and they had handcuffs on. Tony felt how his own wrists hurt when he thought about it, and a picture started to form in his head, bit by bit. Suddenly his eyes flung up and he remembered everything.

"P-pep-pep" He whispered with a broken voice.

"I'm right here, your safe, it's okay now" Tony wanted to stretch out his hand, but the straps stopped him and once again he panicked. "Hey, don't you remember? You have to lie still or it's going to hurt" And it did just that, it hurt to get panic like that.

He held his breath for a few moments and then slowly and shakily let it out. Not until now was he able to part the pain, to feel where it hurt and where it didn't hurt so much, but fact was… his whole body was totally battered. With every heart beat, a sting was sent through his whole body, he knew his blood was partly stopped by the arc reactor, he could see through the blankets covering him that it was flickering. All the thinking made him tired, and he just wanted to close his eyes and go back to sleep. Then another thought hit him and he quickly scanned the place for people. Pepper saw this and tried to hush him, to push his head back down on the pillow, but he _needed _to see who was in the helicopter.

"Ha-rl… Ha" Tony closed his eyes in frustration as he understood that he couldn't express his thoughts.

Pepper took his hand fast and squeezed it tightly. Why had she got her hopes up? She should've just kept her feelings on ice until she was sure of that he was mentally right.

"No Tony, he's not here, he's… dead… You killed him, didn't you?" Pepper asked insecurely with a trembling voice.

Tony's eyes got big and tears started to roll down his cheeks. Why didn't he remember that happening? Why didn't he remember killing someone so… important to him, someone so kind and friendly? He helped him during his worst days of darkness, and he had tried to help him in the hell hole he was in just… how long ago? There was no possibility of him killing Harley. Tony's wild eyes met Pepper's as even more tears made his chins wet. He was just a little child with a big heart for mechanics. Eventually he calmed down and he was sobbing again. The sobs shook his body, sometimes little and sometimes enormously, either way sent pain through each little bone in his body. Pepper was sitting by, crying a little herself at her stupid boyfriend hurting himself so much he was whimpering, and stroking his hair with gentle strokes. After a while he stopped sobbing and Pepper understood he was sleeping. She sighed tiredly and walked back to her chair next to Rhodes. She rubbed her eyes with her palms and looked over at Tony's best friend with pain painted all over her face.

"Has he shown any sign of waking up yet?" He changed between looking at her and the aircrafts instruments.

"He was just awake, for a few minutes… but he's exhausted, and it seems like he is in a lot of pain… I can't _watch him_ like this, I need to do something" Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked out into the small snow blizzard starting to form around them.

"When we get him to the hospital, everything will be all right, ok? And he's going to live until then. He's a bit disoriented, yes, but what else do you expect right now?" Rhodey said with a calming, comforting voice and laid a hand on Pepper's shoulder.

"Yeah, you're probably right" Pepper nodded and sent a glance back to Tony, Steve and the two bastards being responsible for Tony's discomfort.

Suddenly the aircraft started to shake slightly, and Pepper didn't like it at all. It felt like sitting in a car on a worn road. Pepper didn't understand anything of the instruments in the dashboard, but she saw them starting to move more and soon enough, Rhodey was speaking to someone on the radio. She had a headset on herself and heard everything that was said. There was several words that were unknown to her, but she was fully capable of understanding the words _snow blizzard, storm, hard to land _and _try your best. _This was not good, she had no idea how long Tony could keep up. She knew about why it wasn't good that the arc reactor was flickering and she saw his pale, almost purple skin, his hand was also cold as ice when she grabbed it, being airborne right now was _not_ good. She sent another look his way, a concerned one this time. He was still sleeping, but it was definitely a restless sleep, his whole body was twitching from time to time, telling Pepper that he had another nightmare. The brave Captain walked from his seat between Tony's two captors and over to the stretcher. He sat down on the ground next to it and did nothing else but to watch Tony sleep. Another shake to the helicopter made Pepper actually jump a little from her seat, and it made her look straight over to Rhodey, her eyes full of important questions. He was very busy trying to control everything and get on top of the situation, but she could see that even the best pilot had difficulties right now. They couldn't see anything outside, snow was crashing into the windshield and there was nothing else to see but white, thick dots. A warm hand was suddenly placed on Pepper's shoulder, and she jumped, but then she saw the wrinkle between Steve's eyebrows. Her heart sunk as thoughts started to spin, was he dead already? Pepper didn't take off the headset, she just followed after Steve as the blizzard made her walk unsteady. She sat down next to Steve on the ground again, just next to Tony. She hadn't ever thought it would be possible, but his skin had actually become even paler, grey almost, and it was hard and cold. He was shivering and crying in his sleep, so Pepper laid another, warm blanket over him. She sighed hopelessly and pulled away from him. Her eyes met Steve's and she felt safe enough to lay her head on his shoulder and just stare at the fragile figure shivering in front of them.

* * *

"They have landed!" Bruce stormed into the meeting room where Natasha, Clint and now also Thor, sat, or actually they almost slept.

"Is our friend safe?" Thor asked with a slight tone of concern in his voice.

"Not yet, he's in a… critical state, they're going to take him into surgery as fast as possible, and then we'll see. I know that we all want to stay here to hear how it's going, but we have a mission guys" Bruce said sadly.

"Bring it to us!" Natasha said, realizing a moment too late it sounded to ecstatic, but to be honest, she knew it would go well with Tony, it always would, so sitting here was only a waste of time.

Bruce sent her a warning look, but continued. "As the Director said, Justine Hammer was the one doing this to him, and she left us a great cleaning job. There's droids spread all over Central Park, nothing dangerous, but we don't want people start asking, right?" Bruce crossed his arms.

"Can't we just get messages about Tony over the earpieces?" It was as if Clint hadn't heard anything about the mission.

Bruce had to smile a bit at him, Tony, Clint and himself had become great friends after the events in New York, but they had been very careful about showing it in public. Clint saying this out loud, _and _in front of Natasha, meant a lot.

"Unfortunately, that would make us unfocused on our job, if we're going to listen to S.H.I.E.L.D" Bruce sent him a sorry look. "Well, there's about two hundred of these droids, so this is just a waste of time"

* * *

His eyes were filled with angst and fear, she could've seen that on a hundred meters distance. He didn't understand anything when a whole team of doctors woke him up from sleep by carrying the stretcher out of the helicopter and inside to the hallway with blinding, bright lights. Pepper walked as fast as she could together with them, and Cap and Rhodes were right behind. He looked up at her, sending her a pleading look with those still fear filled eyes, she shook her head slightly in response, and that was enough to make him panic again. What were they going to do to him? Who were these guys? Of course he understood that they were doctors, but he didn't need them, he didn't want them. He felt his throat itch and tried to clear it up, all it ended in was a coughing fit shaking his whole body and stopping the doctors in rolling the stretcher further. Blood started to make its way out of his mouth and one of the doctors quickly loosened the straps and helped Tony sit up. Pepper could see that the whole movement sent pain shooting through his whole body and he gritted his teeth and clenched to the stretcher. By gritting his teeth he tried to fight of the coughing fit, but blood splattered out of his mouth shortly after and Pepper could see it starting to stream down his cheek in a pattern there had already been streaming blood in. This had been going on for a while.

"We don't… we don't have the time" She whispered, and all the doctors looked up at her.

Then they also saw what she had seen and they were quickly on the move again. Pepper tripped after them and held Tony's now loose hand, he was still sitting up, coughing, but he tried to tell her something.

"Helll-p" He got out under the coughing.

"Tony, I can't, you have to do this" She whispered, she was so afraid her voice couldn't bear it anymore.

Tony got panic once again, what was about to happen? He didn't want to do anything out of his control. He was scared to death, almost crying. He felt… abandoned. Suddenly the coughing stopped, just as he felt Pepper's hand slid away and the environment changed. A mask ,much like the one Harlan had, was placed over his mouth and nose, and very slowly his brain started to calm down. The last thing he saw was the happy face of a ten year old boy.

* * *

**Woooo, things are heating uuuuup! At least it is in my head, I actually feel like I've tricked you know, unless you are smart kids who understood what I did. Did you? In that case... COOL! NOW REVIEW!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you so much for all the kind reviews, you certainly do know how to give inspiration to someone! Hope you'll like THE 15 CHAPTER :D**

* * *

Pepper stood outside of the OR and held tightly around herself. It was as if she was right back to the day when Tony laid on the operation table, ready to get the arc reactor out of his chest. She didn't have the opportunity to watch this time, but it didn't matter, she didn't want to this time, this time was different. Footsteps were heard further down the hallway and Pepper looked up from the floor. Rhodey appeared around the corner, halfway dragging a young boy after him.

"Rhodey, what are you doing?" Pepper squealed and ran towards them to take the boy away from him. "Who is this?" She hissed at Rhodey through gritted teeth.

"He was in the helicopter, I've got no idea who he is" He whispered back.

"Hey, it's not like I can't hear you down here" The boy whispered back, trying to mimic them.

"So, would you tell me who you are, where you're from and why you're here?" Pepper led him to a chair and sat down in the one next to it.

"My name is Harley, I'm from Rose Hi-" He was interrupted by Pepper, squealing once again.

"Toney has talked about you, a lot actually, I know very well who you are" Her face cracked into a big smile, mostly because she was happy to get her mind on something else, but also because she had been curious of this boy.

Harley and Pepper talked together for a while, Harley shooting small, insecure glances at Rhodey every now and then. Pepper had to remind herself on talking to him later. After an hour had passed, Pepper started to get a bit worried of how it was going with Tony, and in the end Harley's words got only a blur. She had to actually ask him to stop talking and wait while she dragged Rhodey aside.

"Why is it taking so long?" A solid frown was planted on her face.

"It was pretty severe, Pepper" He said matter-of-factly.

Pepper gave him a slight nod, looked away and bit her lip, afraid Rhodey would see she was about to crack. Then she heard footsteps in the hallway again and the one and only Captain America was the one to appear around the corner this time. He walked towards them with quick steps, seemingly worried about something.

"It's really bad out there, the radio signals are cut and there's no way we can get away from here within the next few hours" He was heaving for breath after he obviously had been running.

"Well… it's not like we were to leave anyways" Pepper mumbled.

She went slowly back to her chair next to Harley and sat down with her head heavy of thoughts. The rain slammed heavily towards the window on the wall opposite of her, and she started wonder what would happen if there was an outage. What if there was an outage? Oh god, _what if there was an outage…_ And just as the terrifying thought really started to mess with her mind, a blinding light filled the whole room the four people were in, and then it went black. Pepper felt her heart fall rapidly and she headed for the door to the OR straight away, filled with angst and fear of what might happen in there. A firm grip around her shoulder woke her up and made her take her hand away from the doorknob. She turned around to see into Rhodey's dark, trustful eyes and just as she saw how sad they looked, the reality swept over her and the tears finally let go for real. She hugged Rhodey tightly as he started to stroke her hair awkwardly.

"It's fine, c'mon, you're smart, you know they have generator to keep the OR ready for any moment. This isn't _just_ a hospital, you know this is special" And Pepper _did_ know, no one had asked any questions, they knew about him and _it_, this was set up by S.H.I.E.L.D.

She gave him just a slight nod and buried her face into his shoulder, all her tears making his jacket wet. Steve had taken Pepper's seat next to Harley, and had started talking to him slightly, his politeness still present in the worst of times. He could see that he was very confused about what was happening, but tried his best on getting him to other thoughts.

"Isn't anyone going to worry about you?" Steve asked, placing his elbows on his knees and bending down to get a better look on the boys face in the dark.

"Nah… well, my mom's going to worry maybe, but she won't mind if I'm gone for a couple of days. I don't mind when she's gone for a couple of days, so…" Harley replied plainly.

Steve felt his heart pinch, he couldn't tell much about his parents, they died when he was a young boy, but having parents that don't care about you… he didn't know what was worse. The lights slowly turned on again after several times of blinking, and the thing all of them had been waiting on for so long finally happened, a doctor came out of the door to the OR. He took a long, deep breath before slowly opening his mouth to bring them the news.

* * *

Her eyelids were heavy, but she managed to keep them up somewhat, just enough to see that she was in some sort of a cell with transparent glass covering one wall. Opposite of the cell she was in lay Eric, still unconscious, but without a scratch. She returned her attention to herself, and slowly put her wrist up to her mouth and whispered.

"Activate"

* * *

"Where the hell are they?" Clint muttered.

"They should've been right here" Bruce looked around with a confused look, trying to find the droids, but obviously, he would've seen them if they were there.

"Are you sure they can't move anywhere?" Natasha spoke up.

"All I know is that the Director said they would be right here, in central park, probably shattered into a million pieces we would have to clean up and store away some place" Bruce scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to do.

Just as he had said that sentence, he realized what a big mistake he had done. Of course the Avengers wouldn't be sent on a job to clean up after a villain had failed, there would be more to this.

"Justine" He blurted out, and the two other shot him a weird glance. "Justine Hammer was the one who hurt Tony. She made droids, like her father. Revenge?" He looked distantly at Natasha.

"Or finish his work…" She was deep into her thoughts. "We need to get to Stark Industries!"

* * *

Pepper stood on the outside of Tony's room, looking at him being hooked up to a thousand different cables and monitors that a thousand doctors where touching and adjusting. She had been in there for several hours watching him, but the doctors and nurses had been in there very frequently the last of them, so she decided to leave. There was no need to be a Tony Stark to understand that something was wrong even though the doctors wouldn't say a word. Pepper looked over at the soft couch leaning towards the wall, it was occupied by Harley sleeping in Steve's lap, who was also half asleep, at the moment. Several couches was leaned towards the same wall, and Pepper really wanted to lay down on one of them and drift off, but she couldn't take her eyes away from Tony, she didn't dare to. Suddenly she saw a change in the movements of the doctors, they all put their hands up and took one step away. Their shoulders lowered and they walked slowly out of the room. Pepper's heart jumped, this wasn't good, was it? One of the doctors walked over to Pepper while the rest spread all over the place.

"He's stable. The arc reactor was flickering again, but he's stable for the moment" A small, kind smile crossed the doctors lips.

"Thank you" Pepper whispered hoarsely, dismissing the doctor.

_He's stable… nothing more nothing less. _Pepper looked at the fragile body in the bed, surrounded by blankets and pillows which made him look even smaller and more vulnerable. His skin was still on a paler scale than the bedding and it was creepy watching him like that, despite everything they had been trough lately. Rhodey must've seen the thoughtful look on Pepper's face, because suddenly he was there, right next to her.

"He said you can go in to him again, if you'd like to that is" He said with a soft, calming voice, trying his best not to press Pepper to do anything she didn't want to.

"Yes please" She smiled at him and then walked slowly and insecurely back into Tony's room.

He was in the ICU, attached to an endotracheal tube helping him to breathe. An IV helped giving him intravenous and then there were a whole load of other stuff linked to monitors telling his heart rate and everything else important. Pepper couldn't care less, she only cared about the fact that this was not how Tony was supposed to look like. He didn't fit in these surroundings. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined this, she hadn't ever thought about the she would ever be sitting in a hospital, watching the ones she loved suffer. Her hand found Tony's and she gently stroke its back. She thought for a moment that she felt it twitch, but convinced herself that it was just her mind playing tricks with her. Then she felt it again, and this time it _was there_, definitely. She was quick up on her feet, her hands shivering in excitement as she still held Tony's, desperate to get another sign from him. The beating of her heart was so fast and so loud she swore another person could've heard it. For a moment she stopped breathing as she saw a pair of warm brown eyes slowly cracking open, and she let it out shakily afterwards. Her heart was filled up with joy and relief at the sight and she was just inches from pulling Tony into an embrace and hug him as tight as she could. At first he looked happy, if only for just a few seconds, but then he suddenly panicked and his hands went to the big tube coming out of his mouth. Tony gagged and doubled over, it was clearly a movement that took away the little of energy that his body maintained as pain and confusion swept over his face. He tried to scream, but with a big tube shoved down his throat, it was close to impossible. Only small, choked sounds left his body as he was desperately trying to figure out of everything. He stared at the tube, clutching it in his hands and trying to drag on it, but it only made things worse, he couldn't breathe! Pepper didn't reach the panic point herself before a whole load of doctors and nurses were filling the room again and she was slowly pressed out of the situation. Not until now did she hear the awful sound of the monitors beeping, it was more than she could take at this point so she willingly walked out of the room, thinking she could watch it all from the outside anyways. Then the blinds were shut and Pepper was left staring at the glass wall with her mouth open. She stood only a couple of meters from it and to her left stood Harley in front of Steve who had his hands firmly placed on his shoulders. They both had that same questioning look on their face, a questioning look filled with concern. Rhodey came down the hall with a cup of coffee in his hands, only to drop it when he saw the terrified faces of his company. Hot, black coffee splattered over his shoes as the cup hit the floor, but he didn't care, he just ran for Pepper.

"What the hell happened?" Rhodey said under his breath, not because he had been running, but because his heart was hammering faster than ever in his chest.

"I- I... He just… woke up" Pepper whispered.

"Come here, let them do their job and then you can do your" Pepper looked at Rhodey with a confused expression as he took his arm around her neck and forced her to go with him down the hall. "You need to sleep, and right now that is your job, okay?" Pepper shook her head, but then Rhodey stopped as a sign of rejecting her protest. "If you want to help Tony, this is what you do. He hates it when you worry, and it'll only get worse if you stay awake not knowing what's going on in there. As said… _let them do their job" _Rhodey had both of his hands on her shoulders now, looking her deeply into her eyes.

"With one condition" Pepper had now put her hands on Rhodey's shoulders to, to show that she was still Pepper and had her rights. "I'll be sleeping on the couch right over there" She said firmly and nodded with her head towards the couches lined up against the wall.

Rhodey sighed but then nodded shortly in agreement, it was fair, he thought. Pepper shuffled over to the place, feeling how tired she really was and how heavy her eyelids were. She lay down on the couch, it was soft but uncomfortable without any pillows or blankets of any sort. It didn't take long before there was a blanket and two pillows there, however, Rhodey have it to her with a smile that didn't quiet reach his sad eyes. She nodded in gratefulness and lay back down, feeling slightly more comfortable. The only thing making her uncomfortable now was the hundred millions of thoughts about Tony and the fact that she could still hear frantic voices and coughs and beeping from his room. She tried hard to sleep, but simply couldn't, and it ended up with her shifting way too often. After some time she laid with her face against the wall and tried to fake sleeping, she got rather shocked when a hand suddenly shook her shoulder.

"Can I lie here?" A tired child voice asked.

"Of course, get under here" Pepper almost melted at Harleys question and lifted up the blanket to invite him to sleep with her.

It didn't take long for the boy to sleep heavily, his chest raising and lowering in big, steady motions. Shortly after, Pepper was asleep too.

* * *

Pepper woke up to the sound of several men arguing.

"I am _not_ listening to you, I do what I want, and I am out of here, _right now"_

"Oh, you are definitely not"

"Yep, immide-"

"God, can't you care about your own health for just one s-"

"Dammit, I hate this place and you can't hold me here if I don't want to be here!"

Pepper slowly rose from her bed, careful not to wake up the boy sleeping next to her. The first thing she did was to give one of the windows a quick glance, it was actually pretty nice outside, everything covered in snow and the sun shining bright between the soft clouds. She felt slightly lighter and actually a bit happy, even better when she saw that the blinds to Tony's room were up. Then she saw his bed through the glass wall and noticed he wasn't there anymore, only the cables hanging everywhere and the monitors showing nothing. She stressed towards the door and slung it open with all the power she had when she saw Tony standing in a combat ready position towards Rhodey and Steve, fully clothed in a nice suit and looking completely unharmed.

"Tony! What the…"

* * *

**Just had to put in something cute with Harley and Pepper, ehheh. So hope you liked it, once again :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm so terribly sorry for this being such a short update, but since there's been eleven days I just felt like posting something. I have SUCH a lack of inspiration on writing these days, I know exactly what I'm going to write, it's all in my head, but I just can' . ! Well, autumn break is here, so I hope that means more writing. Enjoy! **

* * *

There was something so… unnatural by the whole thing. He wasn't supposed to be up. When had they discharged him from the ventilator? He was wearing a suit. He was arguing with his friends. _His right hand locked into a clenched fist._ Pepper noticed, and Rhodey did too. In a matter of seconds, Tony lay in Rhodey's arms, fully awake, but with no possibility of bearing his own weight. Pepper saw the look on Tony's face, complete embarrassment and frustration. Tony was reluctantly laid back into the bed and Pepper was at his side right away.

"What are you thinking Tony?" She yelled at him, she was getting sick and tired of him not caring about himself.

"I'm thinking that I don't want to be here anymore!" He yelled back at her just as loud.

"Can't you see that you're not ready for that. Can't you _feel_ that?" Pepper put her head in her hands and sighed heavily.

"I am totally ready for it. Pepper, I want to go home. Just… somewhere safe" He had that pleading look on his face matching his voice.

"We need to get you out of that suit"

"What, no, not-"

"Now!" A harsh yell spread around the whole room, making Tony, Rhodey and Steve jump.

Tony sat still, looking at Pepper with some sort of fright in his eyes. He clutched at his ribs with his right hand, leaning his head backwards and closing his eyes slowly. He let out two heavy breaths and let himself sink into the pillows. Guilt flushed through Pepper with great force and she wanted to just cry, but for god's sake… Tony had to learn to be a bit concerned about his own health. She leaned down, her cheeks red of guilt, embarrassment and frustration, and started to unbutton his jacket. Tony put his free hand on hers and pushed it away. _Seriously, is it possible to be that stubborn?_ Pepper put her hand back to his jacket, but he just pushed it away once more, not making any expressions, as if it was the most natural thing to do.

"Tony, you can't-"

"I can at least manage to undress myself without assistance. I'm okay." His whole face was still expressionless, Pepper had no prerequisites to know what he felt, but she knew this was all about him showing to everyone that he didn't need anyone else.

Pepper turned determinedly on her heel, but with a smirk around her face, showing that she was being playful. "Well, except from the fact that you were taken hostage, beaten up until you didn't know your own name, your arc reactor flickered and that you're now in a hospital, you're okay." She murmured.

Pepper still smiled a bit to herself as she walked out of the room, not the least sorry for that she had to leave him for just a couple of minutes, she needed to collect herself, for everyone's sake.

"P-pep, help!" She heard a whimper from behind her back and rolled her eyes.

She knew he couldn't do it himself, but he had to be so damn stubborn, and now he was, once again, causing pain to himself. Pepper turned around with a kind smile on her face to go back and help him undress, but upon seeing Rhodey and Steve's faces, the smile disappeared quickly. She hurried over to Tony who sat doubled over in the bed, both arms crossed over his abdomen. Seeing how his whole body was trembling and chest lowering and raising at an inhuman speed, she understood he had a panic attack.

"Tony, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-" Pepper stopped herself halfway, understanding she had already said enough.

"Can't- I c-can't… Air!" Tony gasped as he tried his best on getting air down his lungs.

"One of you, get a doctor, now!" Both of the other two in the room jumped at Peppers demanding voice, but ran out the door together, crashing into Harley.

They dragged him with them on their way out, making sure he didn't get to see what was happening to Tony. Harley tried to drag himself away, he wanted to run to Tony, make sure everything was okay, but he knew everything wasn't okay, and he wanted to see what was wrong. Steve took a hard grip around his upper arm, causing him to wince slightly, and then he stopped abruptly while Rhodey continued rushing down the hall.

"We all need you to stay calm and on the outside of Tony's room right now, alright? You shouldn't really be here, there must be someone missing you and you are very far away from home." Steve was indeed good with children, with his deep reassuring voice.

"What's going on?" Was the only reply he got from the curious ten year old boy.

"Tony is… very unstable."

Both of them turned as they heard hurried footsteps coming towards them, then they saw the team of about ten doctors half running half walking after Rhodey. Steve grabbed Harley by his arm again as he tried to run after them.

"You're staying with me."

* * *

Bruce had slight memories of military machines coming towards him, pressing him into frenzy, but there were only small glimpses he could remember. This was a whole other experience, this time he was fully aware of what was happening, also this time there were so many machines in one place he thought it to be a new world record. It wasn't time yet, he had to stay calm and wait for the two others to tell him what to do, because he got no idea himself. He could feel his own hands ball into fists and his whole body going into a fighting position, but he didn't know how to fight? He didn't know how to do this without… him. There was only one person amongst the three of them who knew how to tackle this mishmash of metal tough, and that was he himself, not the other guy. He shot a glance at the red headed spy next to him, she was focused and ready, not the slightest of fear showing through her hard expression. After giving up trying to interpret Natasha's body language, he looked at the other spy. His bow was strung, ready to fire at any moment, but he was also waiting for something, something Bruce couldn't deduce. Suddenly Clint looked into his eyes and nodded slowly. _What did that mean?_  
_  
_"I'm sorry guys, but what are we waiting for? Is there more of this high tech, avengers hating team?" Bruce mumbled low enough for none of the two others to hear him normally, but high enough for them to hear trough the earpieces.

The two spies looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Both of them shook their heads and slowly went back from the combat position to standing normal with straight backs. It was obvious that the innocent (or maybe not so innocent when he turned green) scientist had ruined something. Oh…yes… the thrill. If Bruce could have disappeared out of thin air it would've been just what he'd do right now, but he had a bunch of Hammeroids to take care of. The whole lot of them had created a formation, flying over the roof of Stark Industries and obviously standing(flying) ready to take down the three Avengers.

"Honestly, what are we waiting for Nat?" Clint asked with a confused look on his face, making him look like a five year old.

"For God's sake guys" Natasha rolled her eyes once more. "I don't think we need any technical or scientific information on this one Bruce, you may hulk out anytime now. _That _is what we're waiting for!"

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**BTW! This is my 16th chapter, my god this got longer than expected... I'm so happy about all of you reading and reviewing and all, thanks a lot guys! Now I'm, for once, not going to start on a new chapter, I'm going to watch Iron Man 3 for the hundreth time since I got the Blu-ray, peace out!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Woo, a new one! Thanks for the kind reviews, hope you'll like this chapter and that things y'know... makes more sense? Anyways, enjoy your reading!**

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A thousand, yes it must've been a thousand, of repulsors lit up in the three avengers way. Bruce quickly deduced that Natasha was right, they had more need for the big guy than his knowledge right now, but it was a long time ago since he had appeared and Bruce was scared. All the 'what if's' in the whole world was having a battle inside of his head, but some of them said 'what if not'. The lights were taking on a blending strength and a sound much like when a F16 takes off filled the whole area. Bruce didn't hulk out, he just froze. Clint shot Natasha a half confused, half terrified look and he got just the same look back. There was one second with this beaming, blending light when all the repulsor rays met into one big explosion, and all of them thought the end had come. Suddenly something big, hard, made of something unknown flew past the three of them, making the death ray hit it and backfire. The same second as it was an enormous explosion on top of the SI building a big, red cape appeared into Bruce, Natasha and Clint's sight.

"You were not planning on giving up, were you my friends?" A big grin spread across Thor's face as he saw the shocked looks on his colleagues faces.

"Of course not, there's more to go" Natasha was the first to open her mouth and also the first to notice that there were still a battle left to be fought, together with about a hundred new Hammeroids.

* * *

Pepper found herself sitting by Tony's side once again, waiting restlessly for him to wake up again. She couldn't anything to it not being happy for him sleeping, because it wasn't a good sleep which he was in a deep need of. His hand kept drifting up to his bandaged side, then to the arc reactor and then he started making these choked screams. There was no way Pepper would ever dare to touch him, he was bruises all over and she felt as if a feather landed on him another something would fracture. She wanted to touch him anyhow, just to reassure him that he was okay, to wake him up, but she had no idea whether he would be in more pain now or when he woke up. Probably the physical pain would be better than the pain his imaginary mind made, he had a problem with escaping those. It seemed that Pepper was just about to find out what was better as Tony's eyes slowly cracked open. She quickly grabbed his hand, making sure that he noticed her presence. It was just the same as last time, just that moment when he found out where he was and what was going on he panicked, shear fear filling his eyes. He wanted to drag out the creepy tube going down his throat, but this time he was restrained as a precaution of just that, dragging out tubes and cables. Of course this made him panic even more and then the whole ordeal was on again. Pepper hushed him and tried to calm him down, stroking his sticky, wet hair away from his face and stroking him lightly up and down his cheeks. After a while, and after Pepper telling a good deal of doctors to just fuck off, he got so exhausted of having panic he just slumped down on the huge pillows and Pepper finally let out her breath. His whole body was trembling and it was clear that he didn't understand much of what was going on after all. His whole body language expressed nothing but confusion and terror over the whole situation he had absolutely no control over. He couldn't talk, couldn't move and neither did he want to move because this was a whole new level of pain, and that meant a lot coming from him. He could remember small glimpses of being awake earlier, but not any pain, not any pain near what he felt now. _Painkillers,_ he must've gotten painkillers and now they'd started to wear off. Oh how he wanted to scream, there was no possible way to suppress the pain now, restrained and filled with cables as he was. There was one way though, the only natural way for his body to do it, and silvery drops started to roll down his cheeks.

"Oh, Tony, it's going to be okay, you just need some help in the beginning, would you accept that, for me?" Pepper pleaded with a frown on her face.

Tony wanted to nod and make her sure of the fact that he would do anything for her, but even his neck hurt, so he just sat there staring at her through the fog of tears. Tears… how stupid wasn't that? His body was betraying him. He found himself almost paralyzed, but he knew he had the ability to move, if it only didn't hurt so much.

"Are you in pain, Tony? I'm sure we can get you something for it." Pepper brought her free hand to her eyes and rubbed them.

A little shake of his head was all he could manage, and once again tears rolled down his cheek. Painkillers, morphine, sedatives, it all sounded terribly good at this point, but he knew that it was way too easy for him getting addicted to something like that, and he still had some of his dignity left, he could manage this.

"Do you remember what happened?" Pepper asked as if she couldn't believe he actually shook his head.

Tony searched his mind, trying really hard to figure out all the latest events. Only glimpses of things that had happened were all he could find up in his unfocused head, but it was enough to put together a whole story. As he reminded almost everything he shut his eyes tightly and tried to focus on something else than the pain. He was hit by a car, he remembered, and that had definitely taken its toll on his body, he could see purple bruising covering almost everything on both of his arms from shoulder to fingers. Several ribs had to be cracked, only the slightest step of another person in the room made his chest scream in agony even though nothing actually made him move. Surely he had been injured before, hurt even by the ones he loved, but this was a total new level. He had almost been out of the place for, what he could deduce out of the placement of the sun, not so long ago. Now he had that tube shoved down his throat again, and an IV and all of these patches on his chest. Home felt terribly far away, and he didn't like it in the hospital, he didn't like the whole setting of being sick and injured and… Tony jolted when a hand was suddenly placed at his shoulder and if it hadn't been for the tube, he would've probably choked on his own oxygen and passed out again. Then he saw Pepper's worried look and that it was her hand resting on his shoulder, and he pulled himself together, tried to seem untouched by it.

"Is there anything you need? Anything at all?" Pepper's voice was pleading, hopeless, she wanted to help.

Tony had problems keeping his bloodshot, teary eyes up however and had no desire to keep them up either. He closed his eyes slowly and quickly fell asleep as an answer to her question.

* * *

The sunlight hit Tony's face and just the same second he cracked his eyes open. The first thing he noticed was Pepper lying with her head on the edge of his bed, still holding his hand just as she had when he last fell asleep. Then he saw the frosty trees outside and the sunlight making them sparkle almost as if they were playing with each other making beautiful colors. For a second everything felt fine, but then he had to try and bend down to kiss Pepper's soft, red hair and the nausea, pain and panic ripped through him for a hundredth time. His hands were still restrained and he tried to tug at them, he didn't want this, he wanted to get out, away, this place made him freak out. He quickly gave up anyways, finding that he was no match against the leather straps. Shortly after he had given up, the door slid open and a tall, muscular man in white clothes came inside. Pepper was still asleep, somehow, had anyone given her something? Maybe the man? Oh God, what was he planning to do?

"Steady , we're only here to detach the tube, alright?" The male doctor had his hand comfortingly placed on Tony's shoulder, but he couldn't anything to it but feeling slightly threatened at his touch, these "capture and torture" events did that to him.

The doctor must've seen the confusion on Tony's face, because suddenly he started to explain everything to him.

"You've been out for a bit more than a day and we've followed your breathing and consciousness very closely and believe you can manage to do it yourself now, therefore we have decided to take out the tube. Now, if it isn't too much of a problem for you… I, and actually my whole staff, would be pleased if you could stay in bed until we say you don't have to anymore." His voice was stern, but a little smile hid in the corners of his mouth.

The doctor walked slowly over to Pepper and Tony felt the panic raise up inside of him, he tried his very best on raising his upper body from the pillows, but it wasn't possible. A drop of sweat ran down from his hair to his ear, exhaustion from panicking and the little effort at the attempt showing.

"Just going to wake her up." A brief smile passed the calm man's lips and then he shook Pepper slightly so that she woke up.

She looked around herself, slightly confused but then she quickly realized where she was and what was happening. She looked slightly embarrassed of the unprofessional behavior. Tony found it amusing though, her hair was totally messed up and she had no makeup on, anyways she managed to look as beautiful as an angel.

"Just going to insert this spirometer and then I need you to cough, just checking that it's okay for us to actually take the thing away. Just like last time, remember?" The doctor started fiddling with the ventilator circuit and the spirometer, ready to do the test. "Okay, now cough."

Tony coughed all he could, hoping it would be enough for the doctor to take away the tube. He wanted it out, it was unpleasant and foreign to have it pressing oxygen down his lungs, he was sure he could manage to breathe on his own. Also getting it out meant being able to talk, which would be the only thing he would manage to do until he could at least move his little finger.

"Great, your GCS looks fine too, so I guess there's no reason to wait." Now the doctor looked seriously happy, probably because he had heard how Tony could be and wanted him out before he got like that. Everyone knew he wouldn't be out _that _soon though…

Tony didn't feel the needle go into his arm, he was probably so bruised and numb and… broken, that he couldn't feel anything at all. What he did feel though was the weird sensation of some liquid flowing through his veins and making it feel like his whole body was about to shrink. The pain and confusion may knocked Tony out of place and time, but he understood as much as the fact that he didn't like this, and then he passed out.

* * *

_Shit…Shitshitshit. _Clint crawled across the tarmac and hid behind a tree, hoping intently for none of the hammeroids to have seen him. The fight had been going on for several days and he wondered if the robots would ever get enough, or if there would stop coming new ones to fight off. They had started to take shifts on sleeping, knowing they would _never _be able of staying awake and fight with the droids several days in a row. That was the point with them, they were better, stronger and had no flaws. The Avengers were indeed something more than normal humans, but they were not superhuman. Bruce had cracked long time ago and calming him down had been somewhat more than difficult without Tony, he was one of those not fighting now together with Natasha, but he wasn't asleep, he was unconscious. This would never work out well, it was too many of the hammeroids and they desperately needed the last two of the Avengers. The Stark Industries building had almost gone by untouched this far, except from a few shattered windows and a big hole somewhere in the roof. The metal demons had quickly decided that the little creatures on the ground had to be fought off before destroying the building. Thor was the most useful of them all, being the God Of Thunder wasn't the worst thing when you tried to kill something made out of metal, still it wasn't good enough. When Clint had just sent an arrow with a bomb detonating when it hit its target, he found out that he was tired of chasing these never ending robots and called for Steve.

* * *

Pepper walked restlessly back and forth in front of Tony's bed, as she had done so many times the last hours, days even. Tony was deeply asleep in his sedation affected sleep at least, and Pepper was more than happy to see him doing nothing else than just sleep quietly, but she wanted him to wake up so badly. She knew that anytime now his beautiful, brown, warm eyes would crack open and he would be all fine. No tube, only a little oxygen mask and he would probably smile at her and come with a punch line now that all the drama was over. He looked much better now, not all sweaty, flushed and trembling. He was pale, but he looked peaceful anyhow. Pepper stopped abruptly when his fingers started to move and his whole right hand stirred. _Checking if the restrains are still there, are we? _Pepper smiled a little and went over to the hand that had stirred to take it in her own hands. Suddenly she was swimming in his deep eyes, only for a brief moment because he stiffened totally and his eyes did too. First of all his hands went trembling up to his face and he slowly dragged away the mask, lowering it so it lay around his neck, then he just sat still. Tony's head was spinning around and he knew he couldn't suppress the feeling boiling up inside of him. Now that the tube was not there anymore he could finally deal with the pain in another way. His face went from all stiff and expressionless to a grimace of pain and then Pepper swore one of her eardrums popped as an extremely harsh yell escaped Tony's throat. There was another one, and another one, and then one more before Pepper sat down in the bed together with Tony and propped him up to her chest. He screamed all of the screams he had been holding down since he woke up after surgery. The doctors were quickly at the place, hands filled with syringes and medication of all kinds, but Pepper knew Tony didn't want any of it and shooed them away. Left stood only a brave ten year old boy with twinkling, confused eyes. Tony clutched at Pepper's shirt as he buried his face into her stomach and started sobbing ,and screaming some more and then sobbing again. His whole body shook and Pepper knew it'd had to hurt lying like that, but if this caused Tony comfort it was okay with her. Harley walked over to Pepper, and only now did she notice him. She shook her head slightly, cursing Steve for not watching him so that he didn't come in to Tony's room. The kid shot Pepper a hopeful glance, and she gave him the same look back, they both wanted for Tony to get well. Eventually Tony stopped the screaming and the sobbing and crying, he still held onto Pepper's shirt and his whole body was trembling now too, but he managed to turn his head to face Harley. His eyes were slightly fogged of the tears and they were glassy and red, but there was something in his eyes. Relief?

"H-har-ly?"

* * *

**You know what? I just searched through my family's bookshelf and found something reeeeal interesting! I had a vague memory of seeing it before, but i wasn't enterly sure, but I just had a feeling I'd seen it as a little girl once, and there it was... THE HOBBIT! Seriously I just jumped up and down and ERMAGEHRRD, I had considered buying but then it just was there, riiiight in our bookshelf. Why do I tell you this? Don't be too mad if the next chapter takes some time before it's published :3**


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